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#61
04-26-2008, 10:38 AM
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tiredmom, I guess on some level your dd's birthmother realised she couldn't do it herself, so she passed on her daughter to someone who could. Maybe you could emphasis that to your daughter?
It also does open up conversations with your daughter about drugs and alcohol and how they can affect someone. I'm just trying to give you some positives out of the negatives that you can use. I've known alcohols and drug addicts and they are not who they really are when under the influence. Hey look! No flaming! :-) because you seem like a caring person who is separating your situation from everyone elses and it makes us want to help you! 
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#62
04-26-2008, 11:19 AM
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I should imagine this is a normal reaction how can anyone love a stranger. Look at all the evidence regarding bonding. However just be careful not everyone feels like this its really hard to post something without making others think. I do agree with you however young girls and boys searching for their bparents with their own dreams most find it difficult to read your reaction. I have been reading this website for just over three weeks and honestly if I was sensitive I would be so upset. Please for the love of God be desreatexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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#63
04-26-2008, 11:27 AM
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You are a blessing I feel that you are sensative and thoughtful. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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#64
04-26-2008, 11:47 AM
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Quote:
hello... i try to post from my own experience.... and hopefully, people won't read my thoughts and think "all birthmothers" must feel that way... as the responses here illustrate, most birthmother do not feel the way I do... Quote:
once again, these are my experiences.... and do hope they would not upset anyone... also... please keep in mind, my birthdaughter planned an event that was intentional to cause me pain... and grief... and she did just that... she caused me pain of such a magnitude... that it almost consumed me a year ago... as a matter of fact, i almost shut down our plans to adopt a baby.... fortunately, with a lot of support from some fellow birthmothers, friends, my husband and pastor, i got through the worst of it... i am not completely through it... i am still angry... i am still deeply wounded... besides all that... she WALKED AWAY... she trashed me... and my kids... and walked away... she could care less about us... she has never looked back once... she did not return my phone calls... she has not emailed... she has ended our reunion... am i working on forgiveness... yeah... i am.... but it is slow in coming... once again... my thoughts are my own... based on my own experience... not intended to be used as a "all birthmothers must think like this"... and hopefully, people won't do that... and just for the record... she came into the reunion hating me... without ever even meeting me... that was HER DREAM of me... her nightmare really... how does a birthmother deal with THAT? julie
__________________
Mom to FOUR beautiful daughters!!!! 3 bio and our last little princess, adopted!
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#65
04-26-2008, 04:30 PM
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Jackie, your comment about your pointy bra made me laugh! I keep thinking about it and cracking up.
__________________
If we cannot find happiness within ourselves, it does not make much sense to look outwards - Anonymous PEACE: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart - Unknown Never, never, never, never give up - Winston Churchill Baby girl born 7/25/1984 in Upstate NY.
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#66
04-28-2008, 05:06 AM
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quantum
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We had company yesterday and the company was a man that used to be a drinking buddy of my husband.. My husband spoke about how much money he spent in those drinking days.. and I flashed on one of our fights about money and him saying to me.. "Where is the money?" I now realize he was taking it for drink.. and then blaming the loss of it on me.. we had two little kids at that time.. I was so pushed down in those years I really thought it was all my fault... My husband spending all that money is something I want to fight with him about today (its a real trigger place for me).. but now I realize that there is no point.. he was under the influence.. The drink was in control. Nicole I am glad I made you laugh  .. The main thing to do in those years was to wear a pointy bra and get a husband.. The fellow that loved my pointy bra married my girlfriend and years later when he was getting a divorce from her (she faked a pregnancy) he told me he still remembered that pointy bra..I know for me the significance of throwing it out was I was no longer trying to catch a husband by wearing sexy satin bra.. I threw my makeup away as well.. Jackie
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#67
04-28-2008, 05:14 AM
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julie23
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I think what we do here has great significance.. There are so many fantasies out there.. so many untruths.. and if someone is terribly unsure of themselves the untruths have consequences.. and hurt.. Dispel the myths.. is what we do.. And you dear friend are doing it.. A twelve step saying is 'Keep and open mind.' Its so important.. Jackie
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#68
04-29-2008, 11:53 AM
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I hope you don't mind an adoptive parent barging in here... But when we were doing our homestudy, we had a birthmother come in as a guest speaker. She had placed her child like 25 years prior. Anyway, she was recently reunited with her child and struggled with this too. She and her daughter were named Diane and Kate.
So birthmother referred to her as "My Kate" and birthdaughter referred to her as "My Diane". For them, it gave them a special name for eachother, and they felt that is was appropriate for their relationship. They both felt the same way you have described.
__________________
Jen Mom to my son Austin--3/31/02 (by birth) Our adoption process for baby #2: 9/7/07--Submitted application to agency for domestic adoption 11/6/07--Homestudy Approved 11/29/07--Profile book complete and we are WAITING! 12/27/07--Matched! 12/28/07--Baby Girl Born 12/31/07--My daughter Savannah was placed in my arms forever  7/9/08--Adoption Finalized! After 10 years of IF/SIF, the stillbirth of my daughter Cheyenne, and 4 miscarriages later... we are COMPLETE!
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#69
04-29-2008, 02:37 PM
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.....so Jackie, all I need to do is wear a satin, pointy bra and my boyfriend will propose?
I'll let you know how that goes. I like the idea of "My Kate" and "My Diane." It's so sweet and special and unique to their relationship.
__________________
If we cannot find happiness within ourselves, it does not make much sense to look outwards - Anonymous PEACE: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart - Unknown Never, never, never, never give up - Winston Churchill Baby girl born 7/25/1984 in Upstate NY.
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#70
05-01-2008, 05:01 AM
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Nicole.. I say throw that bra away.. become an earth mother and do your thing..
He divorced my girlfriend and came after me that handsome fellow.. and I had just given my first born son away in Florida.. I was no longer willing to play his game in his world.. He was my first love.. that fellow.. I will never forget him.. Jackie
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