[geogdeb]

saw an ad promoting adoption on television the other night that blew my mind. I don't think I've ever seen one before. It was tastefully done, and sponsored by LDS Family Services. It shows a very pretty, young woman who wants the very best for her baby, i.e., a two-parent home. It then shows her making her adoption decision and going to a group-counseling session with other birthmothers. They all welcome her with open arms and great big smiles. I was left with a very disconcerted feeling...

Hey Raven... you should feel disconcerted. I went through LDSFS and know that they are representing the aparents all the way. As with many adoption agencies, their attitude is after you give birth you should have the good sense to get out (and stay out) of the picture.

Adoption in this country needs serious regulating because there is so much money involved. And church agencies are just looking for more members -- if their members don't have children, then how can they pass the religion on to future generations?

IMHO,
Deb

Deb

[loveajax]

I find it kind of "handmaid's tale"ish creepy.

I also don't think anyone should be trying to "increase the supply" of adoptions.

I think all counseling should explore ALL available options (with adoption being one of them) with ALL available pros/cons. (I know I am living in a fantasy here, b/c of all the "faith-based' counseling things).

Of course, I have seen in my work the realities of children having children and I do wish there was something more that could be done to prevent/lower the high rates of teen pgs.

[SuddenlySusan]

Originally Posted by RavenSong

My reaction is UGHHHH. I can't stand the NCFA or their agenda.

I saw an ad promoting adoption on television the other night that blew my mind. I don't think I've ever seen one before. It was tastefully done, and sponsored by LDS Family Services. It shows a very pretty, young woman who wants the very best for her baby, i.e., a two-parent home. It then shows her making her adoption decision and going to a group-counseling session with other birthmothers. They all welcome her with open arms and great big smiles. I was left with a very disconcerted feeling...

Yeah... I've been down that road. The open arms and great big smiles disappeared real quick when I came back for my information -- they couldn't get me out of the office fast enough.


BUT, as for the advertisement in the original post:

"The ads are part of a larger government and private effort to reverse the decrease in the number of single women who place infants for adoption."

This statement exposes them for what they are, and for what their motivation truly is. The next thing they'll want to reverse is the number of single women who exercise their right to vote!

Personally, I hope they drain their budget on their disgusting advertising, and I hope all who view their ads understand the dubious intentions behind them and choose to keep their family intact. It would please me to no end to see the NCFA go broke!

Some people just don't get the meaning of family values... i.e., "our family values its members, babies and elders alike! And, we are committed to taking care of ALL of them, because they are OUR family."

The next thing they'll want to do is set up the old maternity homes again! Makes me absolutely sick! What archaic thinking! GAH!

Susan

[SuddenlySusan]

Originally Posted by loveajax

I find it kind of "handmaid's tale"ish creepy.

I also don't think anyone should be trying to "increase the supply" of adoptions...

The kind of thinking the NCFA is promoting is dangerous, and not only in a "handmaid's tale" sense.

Google this: Lebensborn Home

When not enough children were born in the Lebensborn Homes, they had to come up with another plan. During WWII, the Nazi SS kidnapped over 200,000 Polish children for their race & resettlement program. The children's names and birth dates were changed on their birth certificates, placed for adoption by German parents, and forced to conform to German culture.

Heimlich Himmler said, "It is our duty to take these children."

History can, and does, repeat itself.

Susan

[erikka79]

I'm new, and I don't want to talk out of my rear as it were... I just think maybe there is too much analyzing going on. Whatever the evil (no, I am not being sarcastic) agenda behind the ads might be, isn't the point really that a good possible option is getting some exposure? I tend to think that some good can come from even the most thinly veiled propaganda as long as one girl (or woman or whatever) ends up making a decision that is good for a child. If those ads speak to even just a few mothers who feel like they don't have options, it is totally worth it. I'm an adoptee, so I feel like my life is a gift because someone loved me enough to make a hard choice. Who knows what the inspiration for that choice was? I'll take whatever is out there...

[belleinblue1978]

The problem is that those women do feel like they don't have options and here is this 'beautiful' option that is shown them. It doesn't talk about the pain that comes with it.

I'm adopted too and even before I placed my son I found adoption ads to be nauseating.

[Oceans]

Well... For those who said the goal was to increase the adoptions among single women... you were so right!! At least they aren't mincing words..

I am officially nauseated.

Adoption.com - Rodney Atkins Lauds "Choose Adoption" Campaign

March 12, 2008 - Rodney Atkins was adopted as a child, and the experience helped steer him from what could have been a disastrous start on life into a very rewarding one. As a result, he's wholeheartedly endorsing a new website, iChooseAdoption.org, set up for the National Council For Adoption's new campaign: "Sometimes choosing adoption is being a good mother."

"Adoption allows a birthmother to make a plan for her child's future and provide a loving family for her baby," says Rodney, who's a spokesperson for the NCFA. "I wouldn't be where I am today if my birthmother hadn't made the decision she felt was best for both of us. I'm so grateful to her — and to all the birthparents who choose adoption."

The iChooseAdoption campaign is part of the NCFA's attempt to increase adoption awareness and boost the number of adoptions. Currently, only 16 babies are adopted for every 1,000 single-mother births. The NCFA intends to promote a celebratory image of adoption, which gets a ringing endorsement from Rodney.

The NCFA intends to promote a celebratory image of adoption

Are you freaking kidding me???

[lahdh4]

that just makes me ill

[Chelstar]

I know so many teenage parents. When I tell them about my son's open adoption, they always tell me they wish they had done what I did. In a very subtle way. They tell me they wish they would've known more about it. Which brings me to the conclusion that there is not enough education about adoption out there for these girls. I know I would have parented if the adoption wasn't going to be so open. People don't know enough about adoption. Even though most have heard of open adoptions, they don't understand that there are varying degrees and that the birthmother can choose. Everyone I tell about my arrangement is wide-eyed. They say they never knew you could be that close with the adoptive parents. The prospect of loosing the kid and never seeing them again scares young pregnant girls. If they knew more about it, maybe it wouldn't scare them so much and they would choose it. Like I said, these teenage moms don't know what they are getting into, and they nearly always regret it in some way.

[belleinblue1978]

Ahhh Chelstar, but the fact of the matter is that these ads don't even come close to presenting the reality of losing a child to adoption. I don't care how open the adoption is, there is still alot of loss for the first parents and the child.

Education is one thing, propganda is entirely another.

[SuddenlySusan]

Chelstar... I'm not sure which state your child's adoption was handled through, and while I'm very glad for you that you are happy with your open adoption... did you know that open adoptions are not legally enforceable in most states? Only about 5 or 6 states will actually enforce an open adoption. If you don't live in one of those few states, your open adoption could be closed at any time for any reason by the adoptive parents. It doesn't matter what you've put into writing unless the courts are willing to enforce the agreement. That's just not good enough in my book, and nmoms should not be psychologically manipulated into thinking that they are getting something that they may, in fact, not be getting.

Imagine the pain of a mother who thought she would be able to watch her child grow and be a part of her child's life, only to have the door shut in her face, and risk rejection once her child reaches the age of majority. It is questionable whether she will still think she did the right thing after the adoption doors are closed and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it.

I will never support open adoption that is not legally enforceable. What is the point in signing legal documents that will not stand up in court? But, you don't hear them "advertising" that aspect of open adoption, do you?

Peace,
Susan

[BrandyHagz]

Only about 5 or 6 states will actually enforce an open adoption.

Lets make sure, if we're going to start talking laws, we're talking facts. As of Dec 2005, twenty-two states had verbiage in their laws that specifically address “Cooperative Adoption Agreements” or “Post Adoption Contact Agreements”.

Arizona, California, Connecticut, Florida, Indiana (for children over age 2), Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont (stepparent adoptions only), Washington, and West Virginia.

Fight the battle if you want to…but do the research so you don’t go in unarmed. A statement like the one above would immediately get you disregarded if this were a real debate of the facts.

[Oceans]

Chelster - I agree with you - there needs to be more info on what adoption is today.

There is going to be a loss in any unplanned pregnancy, whether it’s the loss associated with adoption or the loss of lifestyle. It's up to the individual, to decide which loss is greater and make the right choice for themselves.

But in order to make an informed decision, people need to know what adoption is. Society needs more information.

I am all for adoption awareness. It's lived in the shadows far to long - How many threads do we see here daily, venting about the naivety of others, or the secrets that have been kept for years. If more people knew what adoption is today and why it's to the benefit of the child, there would be greater pressure (from society) to keep promises, to make better choices, and dispel stereotypes. IMO

It's frustrating that the NCFA does not feel that there are enough positive aspects of adoption to fuel an all out marketing campaign based on what adoption is today. To actually change public opinion. If they actually told the story of open adoption, I believe more young girls (especially) would consider it an alternative.

And yes, I would like to see a few dollars go towards reform making OA legally enforceable in all states - another deterrent to adoption IMO.

[Howdy]

I think there are a lot of risks when a young girl keeps her child when she doesn't have enough support. I think an advertising campaign that encourages adoption as an option is not a bad thing. Women should not be made to feel like placing a child for adoption is being a bad mother. And that is what the ad is saying, that it can be a good act of mothering to place a child.

Whether it is good or bad depends on all the factors. I wish my coworker had placed her first three children. She had her first baby when she was 14 yrs old and her third when she was 17. She lived with an abusive boyfriend. She is glad she kept her kids but to me it seems very selfish, they made her happy but her choices messed them up. One is in prison, one is in juvie, and one was in foster care for sexually abusing a younger child. Although she didn't mean to mess those kids up and didn't do it herself, her lack of support and forced-choice of living with an abusive man was a very poor choice compared to adoption.

Another coworker has a foster son who was simply locked out when he turned 12 yrs old. His mother had several children starting when she was young. She didn't place any of them even though she had a bad lifestyle. Then she died and the grandmother didn't make any adoption plans for any of them, but instead raised them until they were 12 and would lock them out forever on their 12th birthdays. I think people like that should receive an advertisement for adoption every day!

One of the foster children I've had was kept by the very young dad (the mom abandoned the baby with the dad). The father would just leave his kid with friends and go off partying for days and weeks and months at a time. The child had a very sad time being dropped off here and there, never knowing when his dad would show up again.

There are many circumstances when adoption would have been a better choice. I think there should be advertisements aimed at encouraging parents to choose adoption for their children that are not babies, if they have found that they are not interested in being parents.

[SuddenlySusan]

Thanks for the update Brandy... I had very old information. I'll take the time to look up, read and understand the legalities before I post too hastily. Thanks again...

Susan