[Blessed2x.]

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet?

Who came?

Did you bring gifts? What?

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

[zxczxcasdasd]

I'm an amom, but my son's first F2F with M last summer (end of June 07) still seems pretty fresh in my memory.


WHERE?
She came to our home. We had suggested meeting at a neutral place, but she wanted as much time as possible, so it worked better to have her just come to our house as soon as she arrived.

WHO WAS THERE?
For us, it was my son (J), his father, and me. She brought her daughter, 2 years younger than J. J wanted us there for the initial meeting and the first day which I'm sure had a lot to do with him being just 18. Also, his very close trusted best friend spent part of the first day with us. So I guess everyone had a "safety blanket" person on that first day. The second day they (J, M and daughter) spent together without us. For a last dinner, we invited both J's best friends, and also my best friend to all eat dinner with us. As it turned out, M was much more comfortable conversing with my friend than she was with me and it was a huge blessing to have her there.

GIFTS?
I had made a small scrapbook/photo album from M with pics of her pregnant and from each year of J's life which turned out to be a much-needed ice-breaker/goodwill gesture in those first minutes when she was clearly uncomfortable. I STRONGLY recommend coming equipped with something.

WHAT WENT WELL?
The specific trusted people we chose to be with us at different times really helped create more relaxation and conversation for us and for M. Having a long list of supplemental things to do/places to go so that there was flexibilty. We also made sure that places we went helped her learn things about M, i.e. we went to his college, his high school, the first night's dinner was at J's favorite restaurant where we eat often and had just had his 18th bday party. The second night we ate at her favorite restaurant.

HINDSIGHT?
I think it went very well and I can't think of anything I wish we had done differently. I think everyone came away feeling really good about how it all went. The stuff that was hard is not anything that could have been planned away, you just need to set up the best situation possible and know going in that it will be an emotional rollercoaster but do your best to be gracious and kind to everyone (including yourself).

[SuddenlySusan]

Here's a link to a thread I started last year, just prior to my first F2F with my son:

Face to Face: Tips & Advice

This thread was in the adoptee support forum. I cross posted as well, and will look for the other thread.

Peace,
Susan

[keds]

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet? I rented a hotel suite - neutral territory.

Who came? Just the two of us.

Did you bring gifts? What? I brought his original birth certificate, mementos from the hospital, first photo of him, photos of our family - not a lot just a very small album.

What went well? What would you change in hindsight? I think I would have read more about reunions! I had no clue what I was doing or saying. The shock of seeing him was enough to put me in "protective" mode. We didn't talk about adoption AT all. Basically, stuck to music, sports, news. I was very nervous and he seemed so relaxed! We had dinner and then he left and I went back to the hotel and fell apart. I wrote him a long note about all the things I really wanted to say (I was certain I would never see him again) and popped it in the mail before I could change my mind. I received a call 2 days later and we met again and again and again. Even with the distance I managed to see him 5 times in the next 3 weeks. I think if I hadn't have written him we wouldn't be where we are today. In hindsight I wish I had prepared more carefully, and suggest taking cues from the other person and be completely HONEST with yourself.

[Blessed2x.]

Thanks for the experiences, so far!!

Susan, I followed that link you gave! Thanks!

[zxczxcasdasd]

Assuming you have one coming up...keep us updated!

[Blessed2x.]

I hope that it's getting closer