[mondk]

Hey everyone. Our bmom called tonight to see how Joshie was doing and to ask me some questions and I was telling her about this awful story someone had told me about their baby that had died...anyway, to make a long story short, our bmom blurted out "Please don't do that to my baby!" It took me by suprise. Is this common for a bmom to refer to the baby as hers?

If it is, I mean, it is no problem...just curious! Wanted to see what the rest of you thought!

Blessings, Michelle

[Oceans]

Hi Michelle - I am from the closed ere and always thought of my son as "my baby" when talking to myself or others... Of course I understand all the legal stuff and technically he is not "my" baby but he will always be in my heart.

I don't think she meant anything by it. First moms love their children as much as the people who adopted them.... and THAT is a blessing!

[RavenSong]

LOL, I should have checked to see if you had cross-posted this. I just answered your post, but it was the one placed in the Adoptive Parent Support board.

One suggestion I would like to gently make is not referring to Joshie's bmom as "our bmom". She is Joshie's bmom, not your's and DH's. It just kind of sounds weird to me, sort of like she's a surrogate or something. Not a big deal, but thought I'd point that out.

[mondk]

Raven: We actually refer to her as "mommy Claire" and the how when and where of that story I'll tell another day.

But yes I will try to conform to the new way of thinking. Joshie's bmom...hmm...yes, I rather like the sound better...

Thanks for the suggestions/replies

Blessings, Michelle

[mondk]

I posted the awful baby that died story on my other post...in AP support.

Blessings, Michelle

[RavenSong]

Michelle, I would love to hear the story of how you came to call Joshie's bmom "Mommy Claire". Please do be sure to let us know someday when you have some extra time on your hands. Although I'm sure you never have ANY extra time now that your little son is getting bigger, lol! Btw, I love his picture ~ he is absolutely adorable!

You know, I've been thinking about this since I posted on your other thread in the AP Support forum. It might be a good sign, emotionally speaking, that Joshie's bmom blurted out "my baby". I was thinking back to when DS was a baby and toddler ("closed era" of adoptions). One of the things I did to distance myself from the relinquishment was to refer to him as "the baby". One day when he was about 5 or 6 years old, I was talking to my mom about how devastated I was feeling. I kept calling him "the baby," and she stopped me dead in my tracks by saying, "he is "your" baby, not "the" baby." From that day forward, I thought of him as "my baby". And that was when I first started to heal.

So I think it may be healthy that Joshie's bmom is thinking of him as "my baby" ~ at least she isn't dissociating herself from what's happened in her life. I also think it is absolutely fabulous that you have such a good relationship with her. That will be such a blessing for Joshua...

[mondk]

Okay, "The Mommy Claire" story (I'm all into stories tonight I guess)

My bio son Brad is fathered by my 2nd hubby but is also fathered by my current dh whose name is Dale. Brad's bio dad's name is Tim. So we worked out a system, actually, Brad thought all this up around age 4 or so. He has "Daddy Tim" and "Daddy Dale" so no confusion when referring to his dads.

I thought what a great idea...wonder if Claire would mind being called "Mommy Claire" by Joshie then I could just be plain old "mommy" or "mama" or whatever he would like to call me. We discussed this with Claire and she said yes she would love for all of us to be able to do this. She is no longer simply "Claire" now but "Mommy Claire" I even use the phrase when talking to the rest of the family so they can get used to it.

Blessings, Michelle

[Oceans]

Michelle - You are awesome... We'll just leave it at that

[RavenSong]

Michelle, I love your story! That is so cool that your son Brad came up with his own names for both his dads. And I absolutely love that you are calling Joshie's birthmom "Mommy Claire".

My maternal grandmother came from Texas, and most grandparents from her generation who hailed from that area were addressed as "Mama FirstName" or "Papa FirstName". Well, my grandmother was the first-born child of a cattle rancher who evidently had his heart set on a son to help out on the ranch. So my grandmother was given a boy's name...Bruce. When I was born, she became "Mama Brucie", not only to me but also to almost everybody else in the family. Even all my childhood friends called her Mama Brucie.

So, I think it's neat that you call her Mommy Claire to other members of your family, not just Joshie. Her title shows the affection you have for her, and I think she's really blessed...

[mondk]

Thanks both to Oceans and RavenSong...now my stories are told, and I'm off to the bathroom, then to bed!

Blessings, Michelle

[bromanchik]

Well, "my baby" is now 23, but when he was a baby I called him that. I now refer to him as "my son".

[belleinblue1978]

Kiddo is my son. I wouldn't call him anything else.

[BrandyHagz]

I call her my daughter...even when talking to her mom.

[InBlindFaith]

I called her "my baby" or by the name I gave her for many, many years. When she turned 18 and I found out her name I started calling her "my daughter", people I trust I will call her by her name given to her by her Adoptive Parents, people I am not close to I will call her by the name I gave her. Here I simply refer to her as "DD".

[quantum]

I called him 'the baby' for years, distancing myself as Raven said.
I'm thrilled to know his name, which is what I call him with people who know irl.
Here I started off with birthson but decided forget it, and call him my son. I'm raising two daughters so there's no confusing there!

My one grandma was called 'Grandma Jean' by my cousins on the other side. Mommy Claire is a great idea.