[sstuart]

I am tired of being responsible!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just needed to vent. Reading these posts today has made me MAD. (Or maybe it is the cleaning solutions, since I am cleaning house)

I am tired of being the bad guy. I am tired of the bmom being responsible for all the bad things that happen with adoption.

I placed 21 years ago. I thought at the time that I was making the best decison for the baby, myself and for society. I made the decision to wait to parent until I could do it on my own, when I could provide for my kids what they needed without the help of my parents or the government.

But when I hear society make assumptions that I was irresponsible, probably with an addiction, or just plain lazy. It makes me mad. If I am such a lazy irresponsible idiot, why did they push so hard for me to place. Why would someone want the child of an idiot, who probably has an addiction anyway!!!!!!!

I am very responsible!!!!!!!!!! I have a good job, education and family!!!!!!!!!

I am tired of being looked at as some kind of irresponsible idiot!!!! Of course that only happens after the placement--Prior to that I was selfless and giving a gift.. Yeah WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry all Just not feeling the adoption love today.

[thanksgivingmom]

Stace, I know. That's all I can say, that I know.

I've felt very disheartened and hopeless about the big picture recently. (Which is so strange because my personal adoption story is going really well!) It's what the REST of the world sees that I'm so confused about.

In the end I know that my daughter and her Mom respect me, and that has to be enough.

I too am really feeling like adoption leftovers a week past thier expiration date: delicious on Thanksgiving, but you can toss them out the next week because they've probably gone bad...

[bajj]

Originally Posted by sstuart

I am tired of being responsible!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just needed to vent. Reading these posts today has made me MAD. (Or maybe it is the cleaning solutions, since I am cleaning house)

I am tired of being the bad guy. I am tired of the bmom being responsible for all the bad things that happen with adoption.

I placed 21 years ago. I thought at the time that I was making the best decison for the baby, myself and for society. I made the decision to wait to parent until I could do it on my own, when I could provide for my kids what they needed without the help of my parents or the government.

But when I hear society make assumptions that I was irresponsible, probably with an addiction, or just plain lazy. It makes me mad. If I am such a lazy irresponsible idiot, why did they push so hard for me to place. Why would someone want the child of an idiot, who probably has an addiction anyway!!!!!!!

I am very responsible!!!!!!!!!! I have a good job, education and family!!!!!!!!!

I am tired of being looked at as some kind of irresponsible idiot!!!! Of course that only happens after the placement--Prior to that I was selfless and giving a gift.. Yeah WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry all Just not feeling the adoption love today.

((((hugs))))

I am so sorry you are feeling this. Hang in there, and vent away.

[MrsHoot]

I don't know what thread you read that sent you into a tail spin today but I HEAR YOU!!!! I am so tired of being the bad guy!!

In fact it's been a miserable couple of days at my house because that's all that's been the thought that's been running through my head for days now - I'm SO tired of being the bad guy!!!

For me it goes much deeper than my daughters adoption 24 years ago...I was the "bad guy" from the time I was born - the "black sheep", the one that everyone in the family blamed for their problems. It continued through my teen years and then the adoption of my eldest...once I got older I divorced my husband, I was the bad guy again. Then I became the bad guy to my middle daughter because I had to be both Mother and Father to her. Then I became the bad guy when I remarried and moved out of state. Add a new baby, reunion with my eldest...I've been or am the bad guy to everyone in my life right now...it can just be so overwhelming!

I feel your pain, I am right there with you...I'm starting to think it's something in the water (LOL!) I certainly didn't mean to highjack your vent - I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone!!! (((BIG HUGS)))

Just like everything else we've gone through, we'll get through this too...I know it's just not easy today!

Much Love,
C.

P.S. and don’t worry about feeling the “adoption love” today or any other day...I haven’t felt that for quite sometime and don’t think it will ever return as I’ve learned so much as a result of being in reunion for 1 ½ years now. That love may never return but the love of yourself will!

[sstuart]

Originally Posted by MrsHoot

That love may never return but the love of yourself will!

Maybe that is what it is all along!!!! I need to not seem so dissapointed in myself!! Because only I can make myself feel this way. No one else can.

Don't feel bad about stealing my vent. It is good to hear that I am not alone.

TGM-- You are so right that we are just the leftovers!!

It is so nice that there are people out there that understand!!!

[lonni]

In some ways it can be very enlightening to see that some adoptees and some PAPS still feel this way. To Mother's considering placement, it should serve as a warning.
Adoption is a beautiful loving choice UNTIL the Mother/father mention it and then they become just another "unfit" parent in some minds. I really am not sure much has changed from years ago, except NOW we can see it firsthand on the internet and it is fightening.

And when did GRandparent's become unfit??

[lonni]

Forgot to add JMO and some (((((((hugs))))))))

[SuddenlySusan]

I hear you... I really do.

I'll leave it at that... ugh...

Peace,
Susan

[belleinblue1978]

Of course we are wonderful amazing people until they get the baby. Then for some reason we become the enemy. I just don't understand this.

I'm not asking for gratefulness but man maybe a little bit of rememberence that I sacrificed my heart and soul and because I did that some other woman got to be a mother and another man got to be a father.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by lonni

In some ways it can be very enlightening to see that some adoptees and some PAPS still feel this way. To Mother's considering placement, it should serve as a warning.
Adoption is a beautiful loving choice UNTIL the Mother/father mention it and then they become just another "unfit" parent in some minds. I really am not sure much has changed from years ago, except NOW we can see it firsthand on the internet and it is fightening.

And when did GRandparent's become unfit??

Well of course granparents are unfit, they raised us irresponsible scarlet women right?

Ha, my parents are adoptive parents... how does that fit into the paradox?

[thanksgivingmom]

well then they could probably be gaurdians free and clear! They pass the test

Is it bad that I really thought as a society on the whole we were better than this? I really thought we were a little more openminded and a little less entrenched in the birthmom stereotypes....bleh

Makes me queasy

[lonni]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

Well of course granparents are unfit, they raised us irresponsible scarlet women right?

Ha, my parents are adoptive parents... how does that fit into the paradox?

Did they have any biokids? That could disqualify them. Or the fact that you mentioned or thought of adoption~ does make the WHOLE family unstable, ya know!!
I was quite perfect as an Adoptive Parent until I stepped up to do a "kinship" and then I fell off the pedastal~I also have a bio-so I am twice disgraced. Hanging head in shame-NOT

[lonni]

Is it bad that I really thought as a society on the whole we were better than this? TGMOM said

No POLLY~ you are not.

[Saya]

I'm an a-mom popping in to say - I've been reading the thread you are referring to and it's been making me sick to my stomach. I just want to say, on behalf of those a-parents who might have at least a bit of a clue, how sorry I am. . .

[julie23]

i hear you... sometimes it just feels like there isn't any
"winning lap" for the first mother....

i was just telling someone today, that it looks like we will have a new baby boy home in the next couple weeks... and the first words out of this grown womans mouth... "Why doesn't she want him?"

needless to say, she hardly finished the sentence before I was answering THAT question....

good grief.

julie