[Rose Ekerholm]

HELP! I just got a letter from my daughter's 1st father. I haven't seen, or had contact with him for 31 years. He doesn't know about his daughter AT ALL. When I left him, I didn't know I was pregnant.

He left me his brother's number to call him. I don't know how to tell him that I adopted out our child. I still have feelings for this man. He was my high school sweetheart, and my 1st love..my 1st everything.

When I left him, I was immature, self-centered, and didn't know how much I loved him. Although I eventually got married, I always had Frank in my heart...along with guilt for what I'd done.

Anyone have any ideas?

[InBlindFaith]

Oh my...Do you want to call him? You might want to hold off on the adoption info until a little later.

[SuddenlySusan]

Rose,

My first, quick thoughts are: keep your relationship with your daughter's father separate from his relationship with his daughter. He needs to know what happened, and he would probably benefit from some education and counseling before he and his daughter have contact.

Once you have told him what happened, and perhaps helped him find support and resources, it may be best for you to allow your daughter and her father an opportunity to get to know each other, as a relationship separate from you and your daughter.

Are you participating in any therapy and/or support groups, Rose? If not, this may be a good time...

Good luck with your phone call... I'm glad that your daughter will have a chance to know her first father.

Peace,
Susan

[kdecrow]

Are you still married to your husband?

I think it depends on that answer as to what you should consider doing.

Good luck to you!

Kim

[Rose Ekerholm]

I called his brother's number, and talked to his brother. Frank wasn't there, but he took my phone number down for him to call me.

I had written to their mother several times, and I'd told her about Tonya but she always sent the letters back. She must have opened one of them and read it, because she told Frank's brother, so Frank already knew about Tonya when he called. This information is the reason he called (besides curiousity).

So, I gave him Tonya's phone number. Yes, I intend to keep out of their reunion.

I'm in therapy. My therapist tells me that I have a form of PTSD from the adoption and how it happened.

I'm no where near being able to have any sort of 'relationship' other than friendship with a man. My husband just died from lung cancer on June 25, 07.

I expected Frank to yell at me and say terrible things to me, but he didn't. He told me that he'd been married, but that his wife and daughter had both died in 2003. I didn't ask how they died. I did tell him that I was really sorry.

Thank you all for answering my question. I couldn't get to your answers before he called me, but things worked out ok. He did say he'd write to me and he'd like me to write to him, too. I'm going to talk to my therapist about that.

[kdecrow]

Oh Rose!
I'm so sorry about your husband! Goodness, you have a lot on your plate. I will keep you in my prayers.

Kim

[Jackiejdajda]

Take care of you Rose..

Thats my thinking.. I am so sorry for your loss..

Jackie

[SuddenlySusan]

Rose... so very sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad to know that your therapist is helping you to work through the PTSD. Do take good care of yourself... we'll be keeping you in our hearts.

Peace and Love,
Susan

[Rose Ekerholm]

Thank you all for your love and concern. I appreciate you all very much.

[virgo91383]

OMG i know that has to be hard .. but i will honstely tell you that i think that you should tell your daughters father the truth .. but that is JMO.... im sorry i hope everything works out!!!

[quantum]

((((((rose))))))