[mypov]

Hi Everyone! I am the lucky adoptive mom to three of the coolest kids EVER!!! I am also a busy college student and future social worker. I am writing a paper about the costs/benefits of legalizing Gay parents to adopt (where it is not already legal). I just want some feedback/opinions/statements from people in the adoption community.

Please note: I am NOT trying to start a heated debate. All views are welcome. It would be preferable if you did not directly refer or infer to a previous posting and hopefully we can all just agree to disagree on our view here. If you would be willing to let me quote you in my paper, please let me know and If Ineed a quote I will PM you!


So the question- As a birth parent, or potential birth parent, would you be open to choosing a gay couple? How about a single person who was gay?

thanks in advance!!!

[MrsHoot]

Personally, I would want a two parent home (2 men, 2 women, 1 man & 1 woman) because honestly, if I were to place today - I could raise the child as a single parent...other than that someone’s sexual orientation doesn't matter one way or the other to me...

I know some have "moral" objections to gay anything - I just think that kind of archaic thinking is crazy...people are people - what anyone does in the privacy of their own bedroom is quite frankly none of my business and does in no way effects their ability to be a good parent.

(quote away!)

[quantum]

I wouldn't have had a problem with a gay couple adopting my child.
My only problem with a single person is that it would depend on where they are in their life...
I must say I was devastated to hear that my son's amom worked the entire time he was an infant. His adad stayed home though! Which I find a comfort.
I would love to think that at least one parent was at home raising the child during the very young ages, I find it hard to imagine that a single person in the USA could take a year off of work to do that.

[belleinblue1978]

I was totally ok with a gay/lesbian couple adopting my kiddo, in fact I asked if there were any in the waiting parent book.

As far as a single person, no thanks. I could have done that. Part of what I wanted for my son was two parents.

[ocracoke]

Wow! I think that intellectually I am not surprised by the answers already but I guess emotionally I am. I have never been in the position of being pregnant so I am not really able to say who I would place with.

I was adopted as a child and soon after the adoption was finalized by new parents split and divorced. One of my parents soon came out as being gay. I was 8 years old when they split and they were always honest with me. I never ever ever had an issue with having a gay parent. Now as an adult, I think it would be really strange for me to see this parent date someone of the opposite gender.

I have always known I wanted to be a mother and yet at a young age I was also pretty sure I would not be getting married. Turned out that I was right on both accounts. When I started the process to adopt I was warned by social workers that if I planned to adopt domestically I could expect a long wait for a child. Birth mothers tend to want a 2 parent household for their child. Makes sense to me intellectually but I didn't want to get married to some random person just so I could be a mom. So I opted for international. Because it is just my daughter and I we have a very intense bond and relationship. We hold on to each other for dear life and love each other intensely. Which is one of the reasons why day care is so important for us. I need to work to support us but we need a break from each other so that our time together is positive and enjoyable and gives a break from the intensity that exists between us.

So not that I will ever be tested on this since I have no intention (and as it turns out -- no ability) to get pregnant, I believe that I would have no problems placing a child with a gay or lesbian couple or with a single person. For me it would be about their ability to love for and care for the child and also about the character of the person. But I also believe that any person who is considering placing a child in an adoptive home has the right and the responsibility to pick the situation that they feel would be right for their child.

Samantha

[belleinblue1978]

Ocra,

You have to understand that when you are placing your child into adoption, even in this day and age, alot of women have it beaten into their head that they wouldn't be good enough as a single parent, and this loving married couple is better than you.

Why would a woman that is being told that choose another single person?

[bethy724]

I am a foster/adoptive parent & there were a few same sex couples in my PRIDE classes. I will never be in a postition to give birth but I absolutly support same sex couples adopting.
It is too bad that single pregnant woman have 2 parent homes as the best option "beaten" into their heads & feel that they have to relinquish their child. Whoever is telling them they are not good enough is being very nasty. As the previous poster stated her married adoptive parents divorced. With infidelity & divorce rates in this country (60% divorces?) I'm sad that single parent homes are not viewed to be "good enough". There is no yelling, cheating, disrespect or conflict in my home. I know too many 2 parent families where children are subject to the unkindness. 2 parent homes with equality, respect & kindness are the absolute best homes for a child, however, it's not a guarentee just becasue theres a marriage certificate.

[thanksgivingmom]

Okay, so I realize this is a little off topic, but my daughter has a single Mom and I think she's awesome Yes, I can appreciate the desire for a two parent home, I've always had one, but my daughter doesn't. She's loved immensely and well taken care of. She is in a day care that is on site at her Mom's work (and it's a really awesome day care) and Mom goes and visits her during the day.

Perhaps if our adoption wasn't open and I didn't know all these things I would feel differently, but D is really proud of the bond that she and A have and shares this with me, so I'm comfortable with it.

Having said all that, I also wasn't told that I wouldn't be good enough as a single parent so I come from a different perspective there.

[ocracoke]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

Ocra,

You have to understand that when you are placing your child into adoption, even in this day and age, alot of women have it beaten into their head that they wouldn't be good enough as a single parent, and this loving married couple is better than you.

Why would a woman that is being told that choose another single person?

I do understand it. Intellectually. Which is why I didn't fight it and try to adopt domestically. However, I will say that we need to change this. Single men and single women can parent. Parenting is not about your marital status. If women are giving up their children for adoption because they are single then somebody is doing a dis-service.

Samantha

[belleinblue1978]

Samantha,

You're right, we are being done a disservice. Had I been told where to get information on services for parenting when I asked, I would probably have my son now. Instead I was told I was making a good choice and making his mom and dad happy.

FWIW, I have NO problems with single people parenting, none. My frame of mind at the time however, told me that I would be single if I chose to keep my son and therefore wasn't good enough.

The adoption industry is twisted.

[Oceans]

If I were to place today, I would not have a problem with sexual orientation but SAHM or SAHD is tops on my list. Probably because I never had one and a lot of my friends and family choose/are able to SAH with their kids. I have seen nothing but positives and when you place a child, you must go with what gives you peace of mind.

Nothing against working parents as my folks did a great job - nothing against single parents either but like others have said, I could have done that. I would consider a single parent if they had a strong support system. However, there are so many others to match with, I doubt it would ever get that far...

[cosmoe]

One of my best friends is gay. She is not able to have children. She would make a wonderful parent, and I think it's a shame she can't adopt.
Being gay doesn't mean you can't be a good parent !!!

[fairydust159]

Oceans, I'm with you on the SAH parent. I went through a church agency so there weren't any gay couples, but my primary "requirement" was a 2 parent household, with one who was going to stay home with the child. After that, my focus was on finding a couple as much like me as possible! I wanted them to have a sense of humor, love of music, and pets. I'll never forget reading through ALL those profiles and looking for the one that had everything I wanted my baby have.

Neways, back to the original question about gay parents... no I wouldn't have picked anyone single, but I would have considered a gay couple.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I would have been fine with a gay/lesbian couple. My agency didn't offer any same sex couple profiles however.

I was also not offered any single parent profiles since I was being told that I would be a horrible mother to my child since I was single.

(As a side note, my family would not have been okay with it. I think that brings up an interesting thought process... )

[lahdh4]

I wouldn't have a problem with it. My agency works with a number of same sex couples and I had the chance to talk to a couple last summer who I think, IMO, who would make wonderful parents.
At the time, however, my ex had/has a problem with it.