[Rylee45]

I don't agree with gay/lesbian couples adopting a child. I would rather not explain why but I don't feel they should ever be allowed to adopt.

As for single parent adoptions, that's also something I don't agree with. At least not an adoption of a small infant. If they want to adopt an older child and give that child a home because they want to help a child have a family then I suppose that's ok.

I just think IF a child NEEDS to be adopted it should be in a stable loving hetrosexual couple's home.

A lot more women/girls decide or are brainwashed into believing that a SINGLE girl who is pregnant isn't "fit" to raise a baby and that's why they need to give them away.

If a single person adopts a child why can't the "single" mother keep her baby?

Rylee

[keds]

Hi Rylee, as much as I agree with you on other posts, I can't here. Love is love. A child needs a warm, nurturing environment. Althought I have "issues" with those who have an alternative lifestyle of my own, I can't judge. I have been there and didn't like it and I know from personal experience that all a child needs is someone who loves them, and will raise them in an atmosphere of peace. That's not to say that it would be easy, God knows, and I do too, that others influence too much but if everyone keeps the focus on the child, love and compassion should prevail. That's not to say that I thinlk a single mom should relinquish for a gay couple but I think everyone deserves a chance to parent. Unlike most of us, those that choose to be parents have thought it through and truly want to be there. Just my opinion, and I hope that I haven't stepped on anyone's toes.

[keds]

Sorry, already posted!

[RavenSong]

The only thing that bothers me about gay couples or singles adopting is the possibility of the child being subjected to teasing by his or her peers, or discrimination on the part of other parents or teachers. I know that many large metropolitan areas have GLBT support systems that include services for "alternative" families. And if I was placing a child with a gay couple, I would want to be assured that they would be involved with other gay families, so that my child would not grow up feeling like he was the only person to have gay parents. I would want to know that they had a solid support system in place, preferably with good relationships with their own family members.

I would also like to be assured that the potential adoptive parents have dealt with the emotional issues surrounding their sexual orientation, and that they are comfortable with who they are. I say this because I've had friends in the past who didn't embrace who they were, and they were a bit prone to drinking too much in times of stress. I would also prefer if the couple wasn't into the "bar scene".

Well, that's my two cents on the subject...

[Rylee45]

I have dealt with the gay community for a very long time. I've done my best not to judge but it's very hard not to sometimes.

My daughter's first husband left her for another man. He lived with this man for awhile. Now he's doing other stuff.

Because at the time my daughter was really wanting to get back with her husband she agreed to go to where he lived and go out with him to a gay bar where most of his "new friends" hung out.

Well, from what my daughter told me she saw perversion and discusting behavior the whole night. She said the place she was taken had gay porn all over the place playing on little tv's all over.

I've personally dealt with gay people who don't drink but they are the ones who dress up in the most bizarre clothing to show off that they are gay and proud of it.

My daughter's ex-husband took their two boys to a gay pride parade and exposed them to that kind of disgusting perversion where men were kissing men, women were kissing women, men and women were dressed in basically nothing and flaunting their bodies to the public or they had their faces painted and feathers for hats etc.

Men were dressed in women's clothing and some of that was not even covering them. They were nasty and preverted and my precious grandsons had to witness it because their dad feels they should see the "other side" and learn to "appreciate" the differences.

My daughter has had many gay friends in the past and not one of them (drinkers or not) were much more than preverts they were just after sex constantly. One of them was a child molester who molested some little boys in his neighborhood. He was turned in and suffered the consequences but it didn't stop his behavior. He even tried to get my youngest son in bed with him when my son was only 13 years old.

I could tell you more stories of the gay people I've dealt with and the ones my daughter has dealt with and it's not just a few of them doing the kinds of things they do in front of people or children who shouldn't be seeing that kind of stuff, it's been a LOT of them.

I've never known a gay couple to be anything but preverted and after sex constantly. It's very sad and it makes me sad that a child would ever be purposely exposed to that kind of lifestyle.

I would love my grandsons no matter if they chose that lifestyle but why should they be exposed to it at their ages and have to deal with that?

It's the same way I feel about gay couples adopting a child. The kinds of things they will have to go through as a result of being adopted by two moms or two dads makes me very sad. No child should have to deal with that because someone who is gay decides they want to be gay (or however they came to be gay whether by birth as some people think or by tragic history with the oposite sex) and adopts a child.

If I hadn't seen so much preversion in the gay community I would probably not care about the way they were or that they would adopt a child. But those are my reasons why I don't feel a gay couple should be allowed to adopt a child.

Rylee

[RavenSong]

Rylee, I'm not even sure how to respond to your last post. But there's just no way I can sit here and not say something about what you've written.

I am a proud member of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Many of my friends are gay, and more importantly, my son is gay. He has lived in a monogamous relationship with the same partner for over 11 years now. I have been to the gay bars, to the Gay Pride parades, and to the demonstrations. I have worked with lesbian colleagues at a university women's center. And I have very rarely seen this so-called perversion you're talking about.

Yes, a lot of the guys get dressed up in drag for the Gay Pride parades ~ it's a parade and a statement. I'm sorry that you seem to have such harsh feelings about gays and lesbians. If you have indeed dealt with the gay community as long as you say you have, then you would know that the actual sex is the least part of it...except, of course, for the so-called straight, married men who cruise the bathrooms at airports, etc. It's about loving someone who is the same gender as yourself, about being emotionally attracted to another person who happens to be your own gender. Heck, I've known women throughout my lifetime who identify themselves as heterosexual, while at the same time being romantically attracted to other women. Sex is the least of it in the lesbian community.

I'm sorry if this post offends you, but I just can't sit back and see other people condemn an entire community, calling them a bunch of perverts. My baby boy grew up to be gay, and I'll tell you this much, I'd much rather him acknowledge it to the world and be comfortable with his own sexuality than to hide it from himself and others. He tried that...and it almost killed him. When he finally "came out", he was able to recover from a drug addiction, and he stopped trying to commit suicide.

As a birthmother, I've come face to face with society's condemnation of sexuality, i.e., sex outside of marriage. I'm always surprised when I see someone who has suffered from societal attitudes turn around and condemn anybody else on moral grounds.

There, I've said my piece, and my rant is over. Peace....

[belleinblue1978]

I'll stand up and second Raven. I have plenty of friends that are gay and lesbian and they are some of the best people I know.

As far as dressing in drag goes, hey I know plenty of straight guys that do it too.

And pervision.... well it isn't like people who are gay and lesbian hold all the cards on that either. Frankly what two people do in their bedroom isn't my business, I don't care if they are gay, straight, bi, purple or green. All I care about is that my kid isn't exposed to ANYTHING in an adult bedroom.

[ocracoke]

I'll second that WOW!, too. I did grow up in the gay community. As I stated one of my parent's is gay. I have a cousin who is gay, and I have many many many friends who are gay. I am sorry that you have had a bad experience in the gay community but I will say in my 30+ years of living in the gay community I have seen nothing but love, thoughtfulness, and compassion from them. Do some drink? Yes. Have you ever seen a heterosexual alcoholic? Do some get into porn? Yes. Have you ever seen a heterosexual looking at porn? And for the record, most sex offenders are heterosexual -- or so the FBI statistics reveal.

Being a parent has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. I know this because my parents (one heterosexual and one homosexual) were very similar in their parenting styles. Rylee, for someone who says that they try not to judge I will say that your post was extrememly judgmental.

Samantha

[Saya]

A-mom stopping by to say that I am 100% pro-gay adoption.

Rylee, I am so sorry for negative experiences you have gone through - especially having your young son solicited for sex. That is a terrible thing that no family should ever have to go through. But that said, there are far more heterosexual then homosexual sexual predators out there. And there are many MANY heterosexual people out there who make really poor parenting choices. Yet you never hear "heterosexual folks shouldn't have kids."

Look, I don't know who you've been around in your life, but I can tell you in my life the gays and lesbians are no different then the straight people. Many are in long-term relationships (I would even call them "marriages"). Some are not. Some have children. Some don't. They are teachers and doctors and social workers and college professors and SAH moms and dads. Every single one of them is a responsible human being who either is or would be a great parent. Just like with straight people, some gay people are reliable and good-hearted and responsible and some gay people, well they just aren't. The same thing would be true of any group of Americans chosen at random.

[Rifilanna]

I came out as lesbian after dd was born and placed for adoption. My baby was good enough to take from my arms. I think I should be good enough to adopt.

I usually agree with Rilee, but on this not only can't I agree, I am hurt.

Thank you everyone who stood up for the queer comunity.

[mommytoEli]

Well, from what my daughter told me she saw perversion and discusting behavior the whole night.

WAIT! You are also describing the Christian college I went to. Filth is everywhere. There is not just one group of people who participate in it, and I think it is wrong to insinuate such. I know parents, who also happen to be alternative, that are better parents than I will ever be. The amount of love and patience they have for their little ones is amazing.

So if we can now not allow people who are different from the mainstream to adopt...then I guess there are a whole lot of other people next in line on the chopping block. If it is going to remain an arguement based on sexual desires and preferences, then for my next adoption, will someone ask me what i like to do in the bedroom and disqualify me based on what happens in my sex life? my sex life has nothing to do with me as a parent. and quite frankly is really no ones business.

oh, and one more thing, as a family, we love to frequent a community that also happens to be known for a high percentage of gay/lesbian parents with adopted children. and i absolutely LOVE when i stumble into town on accident during gay pride week. for me, i am glad that my children see different types of families, bc not only are we a non-traditional family bc of adoption and ethnic make-up, but who knows what my kids will grow up to do. at the very least, i WANT my children to grow up accepting PEOPLE even if they do not accept a behavior or life choice. and i LOVE when my kids ask why that kid has 2 dads, and i get to say to my kids, "there are many ways to make a family." and for the record, even when in this place, and even during gay pride week, i can say i have never seen anything as bad as i've seen hetero couples do in public.

Let me make this incredibly clear, marital status and sexual orientation do not determine what kind of parent a person will be or what kind of home a child will grow up in.... i DO believe that a mother making an adoption plan has every right to choose or dismiss a family based on this, and any other qualifier, but i don't believe that we as an adoption community should decide who gets to be parents....and who doesn't.

I am writing a paper about the costs/benefits of legalizing Gay parents to adopt (where it is not already legal). I just want some feedback/opinions/statements from people in the adoption community.

here is some feedback...how about instead of (us in general, not OP specifically ) spending so much time and energy fighting a group of people on whether or not they are "allowed" to become parents, we focus on the needs of the children. children need homes. if people are willing to provide said homes, and are homestudy approved bc they have been deemed safe and stable, then why would we stand in the way of children joining families? bc they are "better off" in an institution or a crappy family that happens to be hetero? just seems weird. allowing same sex couples to adopt children TOGETHER as a family is also important, bc it allows the child access to both parents' medical care, life insurance, and the other parent should one parent die....rights that children of hetero parents already enjoy.

why is it as people that we are so quick to dismiss others bc of their differences, when we ourselves are not mainstream? adopting children makes me different, being infertile, makes me "not normal," making an adoption plan, not so typical.

and simply bc i'm in an argumentative mood:

and that's why they need to give them away.

do you think that comments like "that's why they need to give them away" only continue to impress upon adopted children that their birth parents did not want them? i'm pretty sure that as an adoptive mom, if i posted and said, that "my son's birthmom 'gave him away'." i'd get 7 pms telling me i am using the wrong vocabulary and that i offended both firstmoms and adopted children. even the mothers of my children who did not "make a plan" for their children, and rather lost custody, still very much WANTED their kids.

[Rifilanna]

Ok, now that I'm not so peeved...I did consider more than one gay couple, not through an agency but as a private adoption, agencies wouldn't represent gay couples then. The agency convinced me that I would get better legal protection from them (not true). The agency I used, pushed the idea on me that single parents are a social and personal, and religious disaster/sin...so that was not a choice.

Uh, actual answer...if single parents were more accepted we would have fewer adoptions, I can't imagine why a single parent wouldn't be a good parent. I think that queer famlies should have the same standards applied to them as hets, but should (of course) be allowed to adopt.

Agencies are often the fourth party to the "triad", and they exert a lot of controll, their policies may affect this much more than bmoms feelings.

[BestLight]

One could make sweeping generalizations about heterosexuals based on a Friday night at a frat house.

But that Friday frat house is not represenative of heterosexual committed relationships.

[jjsmom3]

I personally think anybody willing to love, protect and provide for a child should be able to adopt!

AND I think everyone is entitled to THEIR opinion! The OP asked for no bashing and what did the OP get? Bashing and ganging up an a person they asked for an opinion from. Shame on all of you!

[Chelstar]

I think its silly to even consider that gay parents wouldn't be as good as straight parents. They're just people. I'm a person you are all people. If they are people who are caring and loving and want to have a child, they have just as much right.

There have been many studies about gay parenting. There is absolutely no indication that children parented by glbt parents are any different from children parented by straight parents. There is no significant difference between the two groups.

Also, as for the common negative stereotype that "all gay people are perverts" or "all gay people are only after sex." There is no statistical relevance to that either. After adjusting for population, there are more straight child molesters than there are gay child molesters. Saying that is just as bad as saying "all black people are stupid." Some parts of our society just haven't gotten to that level yet. We'll get past gay discrimination just the way we got past black discrimination, and female discrimination.

I placed my son with the most wonderful people I've ever met in my life. It has nothing to do with the fact that they are gay. I just thought they were the best possible parents for my son. They are. (another plus to two dads: I always get to be his mom )

Chelsea