[Sara84]

On March 14 I found out that I was pregnant (13 weeks) I went in for a check-up for ovarian and cervical cancer and when they did the ultrasound they saw a baby boy with his legs wide open. It was a shock to me since I wasn't having any symptoms of pregnancy. On April 9 ( 19 weeks) I went in for a check up and was told they will be delivering me early and I will be having a hysterectomy. The hard part about hearing that is I am giving this baby up for adoption but it is my one chance to have a kid of my own. The reason I am giving him up is I am single, I work and in the fall I will be going to school. I feel he deserves a mother and a father and not just a mother. So it was a hard decision but it is the right decision. One other thing that is hard for me is my sister is due in Oct. and she is married.

Has anyone had these feelings? The feelings are sadness and hurt.

[quantum]

Welcome Sara!

Sadness and hurt, I think we've all been there! I'm sorry that you are facing such a difficult decision (I know that you've said you've already made it, but please give yourself permission to change your mind). There are a lot of birthmoms here who never ended up having other children, how difficult it must be to even have the option taken away from you.

The ladies here can give you a lot of good advice. I relinquished my son nearly 23 years ago in a closed adoption. A little over a year ago I found him and we have a pretty good reunion, although hindered by distance and his schedule.

Think a lot about your reasons for wanting to relinquish. It's a forever decision. Being single, going to school are temporary situations. There also is no guarantee that a couple your child is placed with will stay a couple. I found out my son's aparents divorced after a few years.

I encourage you to get some sort of counseling. It's tough enough to go through the choices available as an expecting mom. Let alone with the added pressures you're going through with your upcoming hysterectomy.

Research. Ask questions. Remember that you don't have to make a final decision until AFTER your baby is born.

[bromanchik]

I strongly suggest you get real options counseling. I think it is extremely important to the child that is placed for his mother and father to have explored parenting him/her. It is a hard decision, especially given your circumstances.

Remember, it is not selfish to want to parent your own child. Many children flourish growing up with single parents.

Are you already working with an agency? Please pm me. I have a lot information and resources on both parenting and open adoption.

[josh1788smom]

Sara - just wanted to send you support. Both of the earlier posters have given you good advice and are a wealth of good information.

The only thing I wanted to add is this: in my situation my parents were VERY interested in adoption only because, in their belief, a child NEEDS a two parent home. However, since my son is now 19, they see the pain of being a relinquished child from his point of view. It's not always as simple as one parent - two parents.

Many two parent homes become one parent homes. Please do the research. You may not change your mind, and that is fine, but the one phrase that I hear often on here, "adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." That is so true.

Best of luck to you!

[SuddenlySusan]

Welcome, Sara...

I am a reunited first mom (my son is 37 y/o). After surrendering my son, I married and had another son and a daughter, but my marriage went down the drain right before I gave birth to my daughter. I was a single parent for 16 years, and during that time I finished two college degrees.

My daughter became a single mom at the age of 28, and she is doing great. She became pregnant while attending college, but has continued her education and is in a teacher education program now (her son will be 3 y/o soon).

Being a good parent does not depend on the number of parents... it's quality, not quantity, that counts. I just wanted to ease your concern about a child having two parents. Some people feel very strongly about this, but my opinion is that the number of parents a child has is of little importance. To me, what matters most is love and commitment. Having loving and supportive family and friends helps a lot, though.

I'm sorry to hear of your medical problems, Sara... my thoughts will be with you.

Peace,
Susan

[bethy724]

Sara-
I'm not responding as a birth mom but as a single foster/adoptive mom & you CAN sucessfully parent as a one parent home. My son has my good friends, aunts, uncles, cousins & grandparents. If you have a supportive family (in any way - I've been disappointed by many relatives) you may want to reconsider parenting. Your sister must be able to relate - have you discussed your pregnancy with anybody? I'd hate for a person not to parent (male or female) for something that is out of your control. If you place w/ married people they may divorce, become widowed, fight(ect.) 2 parent homes are ideal - but I don't know any happily married people & their children show the stress in their faces. I guesss I have more single parent friends & know the stress & pressures but also see the strong bond they have with their children-it is undescribable. It is hard, but again can be done.

I can't imagine your sadness, stress & confustion but if your main concern is being a single parent please re-consider - it can be done & is done by (I think) 40% of the homes in this country. Good luck - I hope what ever decision you make you can be at peace with.

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

I strongly suggest you get real options counseling. I think it is extremely important to the child that is placed for his mother and father to have explored parenting him/her. It is a hard decision, especially given your circumstances.

Remember, it is not selfish to want to parent your own child. Many children flourish growing up with single parents.

Are you already working with an agency? Please pm me. I have a lot information and resources on both parenting and open adoption.

I second what Brenda has said.
good luck with whatever you decide.

[taramayrn]

Hi Sara -
Welcome to the forums. I hope you find the support you need here.

Just a question for you, I didn't think they could find the sex of the baby until between 20 and 28 weeks. 13 weeks seems awfully early to know the sex.

[Sara84]

On April 24 2008 at 9:30 a.m. I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. He was 14 oz and 10 inches long.

[Suziebearhugs]

I am so sorry Sara I pray you find comfort during this time of loss. Know we are thinking about you.

Just curious, have they already done the historectomy? is it still necessary?

God bless you. You have been through so much.

[Oceans]

Oh ((( Sara ))) I am so sorry.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Sara~
I am so sorry. I will be praying for you as you run through the gamut of emotions that come from losing a child. I will also be praying for good health for you.

Kim

[bromanchik]

Our hearts are with you....

[Tigger27]

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and you'll be in my thoughts .

[JustPeachy]

So very sorry for your loss.