[mariarippy]

Originally Posted by Mockingbird

Think your brother knows anything? Wouldn't it be up to him to invite you?--not your mother?

Or possibly that your mother's husband has anything to do with it?

Spouses sometimes get their "noses out of joint" as this sort of relationship kind of leaves them "odd-man out" and can create a jealousy. It also is a reminder to the husband that their wife was intimate with someone else before them (for us older people anyway--younger ones, not so much of an issue). Maybe he views you as competition for "his" children. Just a thought.

Thanks for your thoughts. Well, my brother is my sisters twin. Its my understanding he didn't talk to my sister about his wedding either. Its also my understanding she was asked if she was going to attend in an email from our mother. I'm sad he didn't think to communicate with me. When my kids are around him he is an awesome theatrical caring UNCLE. My boys love him. I've kept communicating with him to no positive end. I picked the wrong signal.

My mother's second husband (not father to my half siblings) has a role. My mother was intimate with her first husband more than her high school fling with my dad. Maybe he does view me as competition for his children. He has two children from his first marriage...they both are adults.

[rainmon]

Imo, pull-backs and disengagements are being severely abused and are being used by too many people to play mind games, manipulate and/or punish, or hurt the other. I just don't know why the books just throw these options out there, like its just something thats alright to do any old time if you don't get your way or if your feelings get hurt about something or other. they should really clarifiy that this is only to be done in only certain extreme cases, when all other types of open communications fail in some way, and it is totally a "last" resort option.
just cutting someone off for little reason and with no explanation is cruel, selfish, and self-centered,
it can make the recipient of it very dispondent & even suicidal if they are not strong enough to make it through the overwhelming pain of rejection on their own or if they don't seek counseling for it for one reason or another, or if they are not able to find this forum or others like it for help.
They can just keep sinking further and further into depression....and especially if they were having a hard time coping with their life even before reunion. you just don't know what they have already been through in their lives, or how this may effect them.
but I also think that if "strong open communication" is used to allow each person to have space and relief when they need it, when things get way too overwhelming, is also the key....but please don't just leave someone hanging....don't make them think they did something wrong for weeks or months on end.
tell them it's "you" that "You" are having a hard time coping right now and need a little down time if thats whats happening....lay it all on the table let them know you will write again soon,
then DO it, and if you can't write a full letter, at least send little "Hello" cards so they are not left hurt & confused......
and there is also the "trust" thing like others have mentioned. you could really destroy the trusting part of a relationship if you "toy" with their emotions, and That "is" what's morally wrong about it !!!

So if you don't think your ready to commit to a relationship in the first place don't make contact until you are ready,especially to do it "just out of curiosity"
there is a real live person there, with real feelings and you just can't walk in one day... and then just walk out. too many people are being left with broken hearts....broken lives. its just not right.

sorry....I didn't mean to go on so much...it just hit a raw place with me too, I guess.

[shadow riderer]

Very well said Rainmon. I think you hit the nail on the head.