[mondk]

Well, she called us this weekend. In 2 weeks she is moving to Ohio to live in this guy's basement; she said his wife works at WalMart and has offered to help her find a job there too. However, my "red alert" went up when she said the guy made a sexual innuendo during a conversation. I think she thinks he was just joking.

I asked her how she would feel about staying with us; she didn't say too much and the connection was very static-y so I couldn't really feel her out. She did say she was really grateful for all we've done for her and she's glad that she can confide in us.

I am really scared still and a bit sad too. Of course I wish her all the best, but still thinking I could do more. If only I could win the lottery; I would buy her a house and pay for all her education...if only!

Blessings, Michelle

[quantum]

It sounds like a not good situation at all.
:-( I'm sorry.
Make sure to let her know that you're to help her take her out of the situation, no judgements, if she needs it (if you can...)

[Oceans]

This is sad... My only other thought is to let her know you accept collect phone calls... And ask if she has spoken to the wife directly.

I have to say, I am pretty secure in my relationship but it would BUG the heck out of me if I knew my hubby was chatting on line with someone to the point he offered our home... Even in the context of this forum. I would have wanted to "chat" with her myself.

I still can't help but feel this is a headline waiting to happen.... I am so sorry for you!

[simpleme]

Wow, are you a generous and kind person!

That is awfully nice of you to be so concerned for her well being...

I feel like it would be hard to let her live with you... For both of you.. It would be hard for her to see you and her baby for sure... It would be hard for you, too in a lot of ways... I think the option of helping her as best you can, without her moving in would put you in the sainthoold of adoptive moms category...

[Nalyd_loved_forever]

I think you have more than enough reason to be concerned. I would try to talk her out of this pronto. It sounds like some horror story you might read in the newspaper.

Just a suggestion, not sure if anyone else mentioned it. If she wants to go to college, couldn't she live in the dorms.

L.

[mondk]

Update: She called last night (that is twice in one week) and sounds really nervous about her decision to move. I'm sending her some more money, not much, just what I can.

Oh, and she gave me the name, address, and phone number of these people she is going to live with and so without her knowing I paid $30 and ran a background check on them. They have never been convicted or any other crimes against them. I ended up calling her back and told her what I did. She sounded suprised but told me that it makes her feel a little better about them.

Blessings, Michelle

[RavenSong]

Michelle, I'm so glad that the background check came back clean. I still have huge misgivings, though, about Mommy Claire going to live with them. Not all predators have previous arrest records, KWIM? I'm just so leery about a young woman going to live with people she met on the Internet. Could just be my paranoia, but we all hear so many stories these days about similar situations going terribly wrong.

Does she still want to go to college? I'm sure she could get a financial-aid package, including work study, that would help her pay for room and board.

[Oceans]

Ditto on what Raven said about college. Google student loan calculators but typically, if she is committed, she can put herself through for 4 years on loans, grant money and work study....

By the way.. There is a grant available just for birthmoms. It's only $500 but every little bit helps. Let me know if you want the info...

[ddahl]

WOW! What a frightening post to read. I am in FLorida and I can tell you there are many facilities for people in her situation.

My perspective my not be popular but it sounds to me like she is a runner. She wants to run away from what has been an awful copule of months. She is escaping her reality. She just lost her baby and her man. He judgement is skewed. She might go there and not be able to get back.

Good that you did the background check but those are sketchy at best. One can only background what has been reported. I would strongly encourage you to tell her not to go. You seem good at the internet so find her an in patient facility for depression that you do not need money to go to. There are many here because of the warm weather many people find their way to sunny Florida.

How awful for all of you. My prayers are with the first mom at this dark hour.

[keds]

FYI, her nervousness may be her "natural instincts" kicking in - it doesn't sound right. We choose not to follow our better judgment sometimes and pay for it. She should check out all her options - there are always alternatives.

[mondk]

Well, she told me she was only going to stay in Ohio until May then she plans on moving back to FL. She didn't say where she would live back in FL though.

She is the type that has to be physically led by the hand in order to accomplish something. I explained to her about financial aid, Pell grants, loans etc. and I know she listened but never went and asked about it.

Now if things were different and she lived closer to us, then I would go with her to ask about this stuff. Her flight is today....I will give her a couple days then call her cell to make sure she is there.

Thanks everyone for the support...will keep you updated!

Blessings, Michelle

[thanksgivingmom]

Please do keep us updated. I haven't been participating on this thread, but I've been following closely. I am touched by your care about your sons birthmom and your concern for her during this time.

Best wishes to all of you!

[RavenSong]

Michelle, please do let us know as soon as you find anything out. I am so worried about Joshie's bmom, maybe because I was so vulnerable the first couple years after placing my son for adoption. Predators sense vulnerability in women all too often.

I just want you to know that I thank God every day that there are moms like you who care about their children's birthmoms. You are an extraordinary woman, Michelle...

[Oceans]

I just want you to know that I thank God every day that there are moms like you who care about their children's birthmoms. You are an extraordinary woman, Michelle...

Ditto on that - I couldn't agree more.

[mondk]

Thanks so much everyone....I'm going to call her tonight. Will keep you posted...hopefully I can talk to her without anyone else being around...

Blessings, Michelle