[whitelilies]

I am a 35 yo with two beautiful children. i am unmarried and struggling financially.I live in Austin , Texas.

I just found out yesterday that i was pregnant. I dont know how this could have happened, as I have been using protection, and have not had any "accidents" with condoms. C'est la vie...*sigh*

Bottom line for me is i simply can not afford to carry any child to term, with the state of my finances and curent situaton. i have been looking into abortion (I abhor the thought) options , but dont want to do that.

I have heard of private adoptions and know that there are cases where the family help the expecting mother so that she can indeed carry to term, but i dont know what the laws are or where to find a family internested in such an arrangement.I have also heard of horror stories on the news of despicable women scamming families , so I dont know how comon a pracitce this is, when honorable and genuinely financially destitute birthmothers are concerened who dont want abortion as an option. .

Is it even considered "couth" (lol) to ask this? I dont want that option, but in order to carry a child to term, i would not be able to work as much, and I jsut simply do not know what to do.

any advice would be greattly appreciated.

Please note that this is not a soliciaton or an "option". I simply CAN NOT afford to carry a child to term right now, so i am trying to find any option BUT abortion if I can/

[aclee]

That will help with your expenses and then have the adoptive family reimburse them. A lot of it really depends on your state, or if you are willing to travel to another state to give birth, then on that state. I think you would have to find an agency that would help you find additional services (and you would be entitled to other services, because you are pregnant) and help you with support in the early months, since most matches are not made till late in the 2nd, or early in the 3rd trimester. There have been situations where families have done private adoptions, and offer the Bmom support financially throughout the pregnancy and then the bmom does not place. Any of the prIvate attny's I have spoken with have always advised me not to get into a situation where if we lost the money, we would not be able to move on financially and adopt. I think a lot of it would be depend on your situation, how far along you are, what additional expenses you expect to endure because of the pregnancy. Do you anticipate not being able to work at all throughout the pregnancy (based on other pregnancies), do you expect to have to reduce hours, increase in your medical costs, etc. I would start by researching agencies in your area. If you find that they are not able to provide for you throughout your pregnancy, you may have to get in contact with an agency who is not as local to you.

I don't really know anything about abortion, so I have no advice there.

Take Care!

[Rondidondi]

I'm going to assume you are not far along in your pregnancy. You've got alot of time to process this situation.
I would start with applying for health care benefits. If you struggle financially, you may be eligible for aid. It seems this is your main concern right now. Taking care of yourself and your unborn child is very important.
Continue to investigate your obtians. Coming to this forum is a good start. There are alot of good people here with good advice.

[whitelilies]

Thank you for replying.

You are correct in assuming i am early in the pregnancy. Problem is , i feel like i have no time at all. if I chosse the abrtion route, i dont have much time.

i cant stress enough that I dont want to do that and I dont advocate it. I never thought i would be in a position where I would even consider it.

But i cant rely on a maybe or something unsure. I either have to abort the pregnancy, or have a way that i know I can be taken care of (and my two kids) in order to carry the child to term.

Problem is that is a huge load for any one to take on. it is not something I am expecting, but rather was thinking this morning what if anything i could do, to be able to financially afford not having to end this pregnancy. I hope i am not offendig anyone by even talking about the "A word'" .

i probably should not have posted this, as when i reread it, i think how ridiculous it must sound that i cant even afford to carry a baby to term. i thought i was so careful.

[whitelilies]

But after writing all of that, i want to thank you for the suggestions. i will look into them.

[Rondidondi]

I will be COMPLETELY honest with you. Here's a run down on my story.
I was 32yrs old, a single parent of an 8yr old and a 15 yr old when I found out I was pregnant. I will not lie, I too looked on the internet at abortion. SOmething I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO! I was horrified about being pregnant again! I just wanted it to go away. I did not choose to abort my child, instead I went the adoption route. I neglected to inform myself about adoption. I had a friend that wanted a child and had started looking into adoption, so I asked her and her husband to parent my child. They agreed and the rest of my pregnancy I viewed this child as theirs. I never viewed my baby as being mine. In the end I did keep my child, but much pain was given to my friend and of course we no longer are friends.
I just want to stress to you that things probably seem worse than what they are. You need to slow down, look CAREFULLY at all you obtains. Adoption may be right for you, just know that it's one day at a time. CHeck out different agencies, look at different prospective parents, this is a HUGE decision. Decide what type of adoption of would like. There is help financially. Money right now should be the least of your concerns. Take care of you two other children as always, and taking care of yourself will benefit your unborn child.
Hang in there! My thoughts are with you!

[StacyKelly2]

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Coming to this forum will help you, get the needed information you need. You posted abortion is something you really don't want to do, then you should follow your heart. Check into your state laws. As an adoptive mom I know how it is to be so blessed with a baby! Please take your time and consider all options. Follow your heart and you will find the answer to what is best for your baby. Try applying for medical assistance, look over every option available. Please keep us posted. God Bless

[redbonec]

Whitelillies--

When you look into adoption--if you look into agencies--look for ones that offer maternity services before and after the birth, and ones that would help you with your circumstances even if you did not place your baby for adoption. For example, the agency my husband and I went through in Austin said if an expectant mother is thinking of parenting instead of adoption, they help her look into living places, childcare options in the area, and insurance. Medicare can also cover your doctor bills, which an agency can help get you onto.

We moved from Austin a year ago. I do know of three agencies in your area. If you are interested I can private message you. Also in Austin there is a faith based organization who does not do infant adoption, but helps expectant mothers with what they need.

Best wishes,
Michelle

[SchmennaLeigh]

Be wary of any agency or family that says they will pay for your medical expenses AND learn the laws of your state FIRST. (Select your state and then State Regulation of Adoption Expenses from this page.) You also need to research the laws in your state regarding whether open adoption contracts are legally binding or not.

Furthermore, I am a believer that asking the adoptive family to pay for medical expenses goes above and beyond what should be expected of a family. That's my personal belief. I've just recently finished paying off my daughter's birth (2003). It took me forever, and many small, small payments, but it was worth not feeling obligated to place with them.

That said, if you can't afford the birth, contact the hospital NOW and see if they can either set you on a payment plan or perhaps even write off your expenses. (Hospitals have to do so many write offs per year.) Make your calls NOW, as you said, as you're trying to decide what is the best option. Don't wait. Get on the phone and see if there is a feasible option for you.

[whitelilies]

Thank you so much to everyone for your replies and words of support