[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm working on something for the birth/first parent blog for Tuesday (so quick responses are good!).

I need to know what milestones have been hardest for you to watch from afar or learn about after the fact. (Obviously, I'm speaking about your placed child.)

This question is for open and closed adoption birth parents alike. Obviously, closed adoption birth parents are going to learn about all of the pre-reunion milestones after the fact. Some open adoption birth parents will learn about some milestones after the fact as well, whether it's just hours, days or even weeks and months later. For some open adoption birth parents, you are aware of the milestone itself (such as the first day of school) but you are unable to participate because of distance or the role you hold as a birth parent.

All that explained, I'm curious to know which particular milestones threw you for the biggest loop when you learned about them or when they happened? Walking? Talking? First boo-boo? First kiss? First date? First day of school? Of college?

What was it for you?

[sstuart]

The hardest for me was her turning 21. I thought she would look for me, but I was wrong and that is killing me. Maybe it was because I knew that I would miss most of the milestones that you mention above. Mine was a closed adoption.

[SchmennaLeigh]

sstuart; Thank you for including that important one in the list. It's one that might have slipped my mind. This is why I love the forums; we have different experiences and continue to share with one another.

Keep 'em coming!

[susieloo]

I thought alot more about my bdaughters milestones once I had the oppurtunity to parent my next three kids. As they grew and achieved...or not...I realized more and more of what I had missed. Infact I think everyday was a milestone missed!
We are now ten years in reunion and Early in the reunion her a.mum told me of her painting the inside of the car red with lipstick!!!!! And as much on her. I really felt hurt at missing that. Just got to me. I remember hoping she hadn't been punished!!!!
On the day we met, just looking at her made me miss every milestone...it was like they all rushed through me somehow.
Looking at her old family photos makes me happy and sad too!
I went to her graduation tho!!!!

[keds]

Hi there, closed adoption too. For me as my oldest daughter said her first word, first day of school, first crush, driver's licence and off to university reminded me of my bson and how much I had missed with him. After meeting him last year and receiving his photo album I realized even more, all his trophies he won, his parent's divorce (which crushed me), and I guess the hardest was his graduation from the same program/university as his bdad (my husband). Although that was the most difficult it was also the proudest (can I even say that) moment for me as it made me think for the first time that adoption was the "right" decision for him. all the best.

[quantum]

Like Keds, closed adoption and like Keds it's been watching my oldest daughter go through various things that hit me.
How old was he when he walked? and so on...

I'm VERY glad that we are in reunion when my girls are so young. It makes it easier knowing I can ask him these things (even if he doesn't always answer!).

[josh1788smom]

I guess I didn't really think about the things I was missing before I met him. I mean, I did think about them, but not with the same intensity as once we met. I was on cloud 9 for his Senior Homecoming, but that was because I had just met him the day before. I was sad that I couldn't see him or his date, but he promised to post pictures. I was sad at prom that I didn't get to see him, his friends, or his date. I was sad at Graduation as he was rehearsing, going, etc. I went incognito just to be there, but that made me sad too. He was so close and so far all at the same time. I imagine, each new milestone from now will be hard. I just want a moment in those milestones, and who knows.

[lahdh4]

Well, we still have a few years before she starts school but right now.

When she took her first steps.
When she starting talking.
When she was potty trained.
When she cut her first tooth.

Right now it seems to be every new thing that she does hurts to know that I missed it and probably won't hear about it.

[thanksgivingmom]

Okay, so my DD hasn't really hit too many milestones since she's only 9 1/2 months so I wasn't going to chime in here....BUT then I read Leigh's and I thought about her first tooth!!

I haven't even seen a picture of her since she got a tooth! (I'm assuming she has by now) Baby's are so cute when they get that one little first tooth! I would like to hear about things like that....

[taramayrn]

For me it was the first day of school. I wish I could have been there....

[loveccl]

I know its too late for your blog but I saw tis and thought I would add the first two things that came to me.

In the hopsital the Aparents came and well while preg my son had the hiccups all the time. I remember as the adad held my son he got the hiccups and I realized right there at that moment that I would never be able to take care of even the simplest things from hiccups to the broken arm he got while skate boarding a few yrs ago. I had to trust the aparents to do it. I was a very raw moment for me.

My Aauntie gives me bits and pieces and when she told me the best player on my son's tag fb team was a girl but he said that was ok because she was hot I wanted to crawl in a ball and cry. It finally hit me he wasn't a baby anymore. Now he shoots things and I worry about my 13 yr old with a gun. UGH!

Loveccl