[mommamarci]

Hey all,

I am an adoptive mom, but I need some help from those of you who have placed or considered placing. There is a woman that my husbad works with that is considering placing her unborn child. I would like to find a few ethical agencies to refer her to. (We are not wanting to adopt her baby, I just want to help her.) She is meeting with an attorney tomorrow. He has already pressured her to choose a family before she even met him. He sent her info which said he worked primarily for the adoptive parents. My husband has told her to run from this one. I don't know what to tell her. She is 21 and does not have a lot of support. Any advice you can give me to pass on would be greatly appreciated. I would love to hear about good or bad agencies and what she should do right now. (Baby is due in October, so she does not have a very long time to figure it out. She has been thinking about adoption for months and was talking with a family at one point. Not sure what happened there, but she is now looking for an agency so she can find a family.)

Thanks for any advice you can give me. I think all she has heard so far is how great she is and what a wonderful thing she is doing. They are telling her she will get over it and move on. Now I want her to hear the truth. Thanks!!

[keds]

I believe your husband's instincts are right - I would run from the attorney. I would be very careful of anyone or any agency that represents one side exclusively. I placed 27 years ago and it was a wonderful thing for my son, and his parents, but unlike I was told, I did not "get over it and move on". Being in reunion has helped but it has been very difficult. It sounds like she hasn't really thought about the "big picture". There is a great quote from one of the forum posts - adoption is a "permanent solution to a temporary situation". It is so true. Right now placing may seem like the best or only choice but she has to make sure she will feel the same way in a year, 10 years, the rest of her life. To do so, she has to be well informed and make sure she is certain (although she may already have addressed any future emotions). I placed through Catholic Family Services but I'm not sure where you are located. Social services may be able to direct you to an agency. If it sounds to good to be true it usually is. All the best.

[TrixieBelden]

What state are you in? This can actually make a big difference in the recommendations people give you. Some states don't work with attorneys, facilitators, etc or have other guidelines which might influence the choice/recommendation.

Hope she finds someone she can feel good about..

Trixie

[Jackiejdajda]

Keep reminding her she is in control.. she can say no..

She does not have to sign right away.. She does not have to agree to anything..

It is so good you are helping her..

God bless..

Jackie

[mommamarci]

Thanks all for the help and advice. I am in Indiana. (As is she.) My dh and I are trying not to push her. (This is hard because I just want to run in there and give her a good shake and tell her to talk to women who have placed.) Right now I am trying to gather the info so we will have it handy if she asks for it. So far she has asked my husband a few questions and asked about specific agencies / attorneys but has not been receptive to speaking with anyone who has placed. (I do have someone who has offered to talk to her if she ever expresses an interest.)

Thanks again and keep it coming!