[DISCGOLFER30991]

I wondering what most of you feel. I am an adoptee that is courios about finding my birthmother

[quantum]

I definately did, I didn't wait though, I did the search myself.
It's a very personal thing though! That's just me.

:-)

[cls2445]

I for one, was told I would never be able to locate my DD, and could never get any info re. her. I had always hoped and prayed she would be able to locate me (which she did!)

[Jackiejdajda]

I wanted to be found..

I loved it when I was found.. I say go for it..

There may be some difficult times ahead for you and your birthmom.. but I swear it is worth it..

Jackie

[austin0i]

Originally Posted by DISCGOLFER30991

I wondering what most of you feel. I am an adoptee that is courios about finding my birthmother

Look for her Disc. If you have having these feelings, you must look.

Also, look now. Do not wait.

I am 39 and 6 weeks into reunion and I have to say while I know the future can be uncertain, no matter what happens, I now know who she is, what she looks like and that she loves me.

....and I love her.

Look now. It is worth it. The not knowing stinks.

[kakuehl]

I am with the others. I definitely wanted to be found. As it turns out, both my bson and I were hoping the other one would seek and find. I actually found him, but it was pretty easy because he had registered here previously.

As a bmom it can be scary because you don't know what your birth "child" has a)been told about you b)grown up thinking about you. If you are a bparent from my era you have often been told to put your child out of your mind forever and never to search.

I personally am loving the journey of discovery that D and I are on and pray that it is indeed a relationship for a lifetime.

[SallyLF]

I wanted to be found but found bmom instead. She wasn't looking for me and wasn't counting on being found (I was relinquished in '55 and bmoms from that era rarely search) but she was gracious enough to tell me a few things about my heritage and genetic background. Even that little bit of info has made a difference in my life. And though she couldn't handle having a relationship with me I know there is some peace in her heart from learning I had a good life.

And I agree with those who said not to wait. I think it's often easier in this day and age to find who you're looking for but just in case....it took me 25 years to find my bmother.

Good luck to you!

[Jackiejdajda]

I wanted to be found but found bmom instead. She wasn't looking for me and wasn't counting on being found (I was relinquished in '55 and bmoms from that era rarely search) but she was gracious enough to tell me a few things about my heritage and genetic background. Even that little bit of info has made a difference in my life. And though she couldn't handle having a relationship with me I know there is some peace in her heart from learning I had a good life.

I was 13 when you were born.. In 1957 myself and my family traveled from Canada to Florida.
We had a big old Buick..

I relinquished in 1965.. Ten years later.. I think there are a lot of birthmoms on the net that are into reaching out to women from my era and your birthmoms era.. I wanted to be found but I do have a hard time keeping up a relationship.. Don’t like the phone and he does not do email..
I read somewhere that some men don’t like email.. intimate ‘talks’. Who knows..

But I bet she is happy to know you are okay.. and I understand why she did not search..

Jackie

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by DISCGOLFER30991

I wondering what most of you feel. I am an adoptee that is courios about finding my birthmother

yes..

I searched, and found out that my son was searching at the same time..

10 years october..

it is great

[eliza4]

i always wanted to be found. i wrote DD a letter fairly soon after the adoption and held on to that letter for years before making it down to her town about 8 years later. i left the letter with the lawyer who handled the adoption and low and behold...i was contacted last year and have met my child...and now grandchild too. there was always something missing after i placed her for adoption...and meeting her would fill that void...and it has to a point...but i struggle with my place in her life and the distance between us. her biological father has just reentered the picture...so i would say he's interested in meeting her as well.

[SuddenlySusan]

Hi, discgolfer...

I think there is a difference between wanting to be found and being ready to be found. I'd hazard a guess that *most* of us want to be found, but *some* of us aren't ready to be found.

Since we don't know the situation until we're in it, I'd suggest working hard to prepare yourself, such as reading books and participating in discussion groups or forums such as these. That way, if/when you do find your first mother, you will be able to anticipate some of the emotions that are likely to surface.

I don't know any first mothers who don't want to be found... I only know some who are not ready. For me, personally, I didn't realize that adoptees and first parents were looking for and finding each other. I didn't know it was "allowed" or that it could actually happen (I surrendered my son in 1971).

My daughter actually started looking for her brother 8 years before I decided to search. The day I decided to search, it took all of 2 minutes and 2 seconds to find him -- he had been looking for me as well. Even though I was the one who actually "found" him, I wasn't ready for that -- I thought it would take years and years. But, I got ready in a hurry after finding him!

I think that I would have been in shock if my son had found me, just out of the blue. But, I would have pulled it together if that had been the case, just like I'm pulling it together right now. I don't think my son had prepared himself at all to find me or to be found. He's working on educating himself right now, though, and together we are working our way through the "stuff."

Best wishes,
Susan

[DISCGOLFER30991]

I have all the info I need to make a contact with both my birth parents. Just not sure if I want to we shall see. Thanks for the replies

[keds]

Hi, I know I'm late but haven't been on line due to the holiday weekend. I too wished to be found and was and now I'm enjoying our reunion at his pace. You are right to be cautious and ask questions. My bson looked 5 years ago but there was a mix up at the agency - I don't he or I were prepared at that time and yet I grieve for the lost years. I suppose my advice would be take it slowly, respect each other's feelings and give yourself time to figure out what you're looking for - relations or a relationship. I have hopes but not expectations which has helped me deal with the "slow" periods of communications. Best of luck and all the best.

[DISCGOLFER30991]

All of that being said, would you prefer a phone call or letter?

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by DISCGOLFER30991

All of that being said, would you prefer a phone call or letter?

my son found me via Friends Reunited. He sent me an email that was brief and to the point, but in my opinion he made a smart move by giving me the name and contact number of an intermediary. In our case, that intermediary was his caseworker of the adoption agency that was trying to find me by letter. I'd moved house, but for some reason, the letter wasn't forwarded. The electoral roll should have given my new details as I lived on the same road! I phoned his caseworker. It helped me to get over the shock of being contacted and to adjust emotionally to the situation and also to get professional advice/counselling in place before I met him 4 weeks later.

He was 28 and I'd secretly hoped he would look for and find me when he was 18, so ten years was a long time to hold out and the pain of heart, I couldn't take it, so I buried it and went into denial. He was adopted back in 1979 and it was a time of society's condemnation, so I thought I was worthless and not worth searching for.

My son and I have had a very difficult reunion because of the emotional trauma he has been through, but we have worked through it, tough grit and all that, and we have a fabulous relationship now. Hard work, tough, mental agony, any more adjectives? but as one other mother has already said on this thread, worth it, I wouldn't change a thing. The breakthrough came and I'm proud of both of us. It hasn't been easy.