[Karen1977]

Hi everyone,
I am new here. My name is Karen and I am 30 years old. I have a three year old son and am currently pregnant and due at Christmas with another baby boy who I have chosen to give up for adoption. I hate that saying, "give up" because it makes him sound so unwanted. Granted this was an unplanned pregnancy, but I love him so much already.
I have already picked the adoptive mother and she is wonderful. She is everything I could possibly want in a mother for this baby. She comes with me to my medical appointments (this has been a complicated pregnancy), and she is so excited. She has had a lot of trouble adopting because she is a lesbian, and I am so happy to be able to give her the gift of a baby and also to know that my son will be cared for and loved so much.
I am dreading giving birth during the holidays. I know that Christmas will never be the same again. Most of all, I am dreading that moment when I have to kiss him goodbye. I cry at least a couple times a day when I think about it. I told my counselor I don't want to see him or hold him, but everyone I talk to seems to say that would be a mistake. I am honestly afraid I will not be able to let him go if I hold him.
I am so glad I found this site and so happy that I can talk to other people going through the same things.
I look forward to getting to know you all

[thanksgivingmom]

Welcome Karen. You'll be able to find some really great people on here that are super supportive.

I placed my daughter last fall. She was born on Thanksgiving, so I know what it's like to have a child on/around a holiday. If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me anytime.

[kakuehl]

Hi Karen,
I'm a birthmom of an almost 35 year old. Like you I dislike the term "give up for adoption." "Place" works better for me.

You are the only person who can determine whether or not you want to see or hold him. I assume this will be a "closed" adoption? D was born in the days when they assumed it was best not to see or hold you child. I saw him once in the nursery while he was in the hospital. I refused to sign the final papers until I actually saw and held him. I felt I couldn't place him without seeing him. I'm gald I did, but I wish I could have held him more. I do not think it would have changed my decision and I remain convinced that it was the best thing that I could do for him.

Again, you will have to decide for yourself.

[lahdh4]

I told myself I didn't want to see J while we were in the hospital but for the last day. To this day it is the one thing I regret about the whole hospital stay.
Each person is different.
Much (((HUGS))) to you.

[Mommy24]

Karen~ My biggest regret was that I never held my bson. At the time I felt it was best not to hold him. In fact, his a-dad brought him to me in my room before they left to take him home and asked me if I would like to hold him, my reply "If I hold him, you will not leave with him" he immediately left with him. . To this day I wish someone would have REALLY encouraged me to hold him, Would it really have changed things? I don't know, but what I do know almost 17 years later is that there was doubt in my mind and if holding him could have made my decision more clear I may not be a First Parent today.

You have to do what is right for you, there is no "one size fits all" in adoption. Research, listen and then do what you need to do for you! Take care and PM me if I can help in any way.

[quantum]

I also regret never being able to hold my bson. Again, I was told I couldn't. I was also told I wasn't allowed to search for him and so on, of course 21 years later that didn't stop me.

What sort of adoption are you going to have? I'm glad you found someone for the amom that you like. That's so important. There are just so many options as far as open and semi-open.

I also think (especially now) that you aren't really saying goodbye, you're saying 'see you later'.

The ladies here are great! Have been a great help for me, I hope we can do the same for you.

[StacyKelly2]

Welcome to the board. I am an adoptive mom and we have a beautiful 2 year old adopted little boy. I also attended every doctor's appointment with our son's birth mom. Throughout her whole pregnancy we got to know one another, and we still communicate today. Words cannt express to you just how special our son's birth mom is to us, she will always hold such a special place in our hearts. Being able to experience her whole pregnancy was just a blessing...we taped his little heartbeat, and kept his sonogram pictures...that helped us to get over the shock of finally be chosen as adoptive parents. We would listen to his heartbeat and just hold and carry the sonogram pictures...that day we felt like we were walking on clouds. The day we held him we thought our hearts would burst from excitement. Words cannot express enough the joy and love our angel has just blessed us with. Our prayers were finally answered!!! The birth mom and I talked out our feelings, and opinions and totally respected each other and that is what made this work so wonderful for us. Her feelings were so important to us. Today she says in the beginning it was so hard, but she knew she did the right thing. Now she says she is at such peace and she knows she could not have picked better and more loving parents. Adoption is such a courageous and loving choice..Our son's birth mom has blessed us more then words can say. We are so thankful to God that our paths crossed. I wish you peace in your choice...

[SuddenlySusan]

Originally Posted by quantum

I also think (especially now) that you aren't really saying goodbye, you're saying 'see you later'.

The ladies here are great! Have been a great help for me, I hope we can do the same for you.

Welcome, Karen... this is a very supportive community, and I'm glad you found your way here. There are so many stories, so many perspectives -- all situations are unique, but we share so many things in common.

"See you later..." -- Quantum, you are so right. When "R" took us to the airport last Saturday after spending almost a week with him and his family (wife & 3 children), we hugged "goodbye for now." My last words to "R"..."It was great to see you again." And, it was!

Our thoughts are with you, Karen.

Peace,
Susan

[Karen1977]

Thank you to everyone. I am so glad I found this site, I don't know what I would do without having other people to talk to who have been through this.

And for the person who asked, it is an open adoption, but I chose not to have visits and only to receive photo and letter updates three times a year. I just don't think I could handle seeing him. I am afraid of the guilt I will feel. Even worse, I am scared that if I have another child in the future, he will wonder why I kept that child and placed him.

I know I have a lot of thinking to do. I am in the process of making a scrapbook for the baby with pictures of his birthfamily, his ultrasound pics, pics of me pregnant with him and letters I have written him. His A-mom has assured me that she will show it to him frequently because she feels it's important for him to know about his birthfamily.

I am thinking more and more about my decision on whether to hold him or not when he's born. Deep down I want to, I am just so afraid that doing so will make it hurt so much more, but on the other hand I don't want to regret not holding and kissing him.

[StacyKelly2]

Making a scrapbook is a great idea.. I am also glad to hear the adoptive mom knows the importance of the birth family. We feel the same way. We have the same open adoption plan with our son's birth mom pictures and updates. However, I did tell the birth mom if ever she wanted to see him I would never deny her of that chance. We talk all the time and are thankful to God that He brought us together. She tells me all the time she is so thankful that we kept our promises to her, and I tell her we would not have it any other way. Our son's birth mom has just blessed us more then words can say...Please keep us posted on how you are doing...God Bless

[JennyOJenny]

Hello. I gave birth 6 days ago and gave my baby up for adoption. I held him a lot the whole time I was in the hospital. And honestly, that made things a LOT harder. I think if you want to you can request not to hold the baby, and not to have the doctor put the baby on your stomach after he is born. I think if I would have done that it would have been a LOT easier for me to have given him up.

[Jackiejdajda]

I did not see my baby.. they drugged me for the birth..
I believe they thought they were being kind..

Its all so different now..

How are you doing?

Do you have a support group?

Jackie