too late to go back...

so-empty · #1 08-06-2007, 05:27 PM

Wel it is too lat eto go back now, and I am kind of glad becasue really really want to but I know I want what is best for her more.... I feel really bad though because my social worker is out right now on vaction and I dont know if the adoptive parants changed her name or not, I may not kno wmy babys name.... the social worker asked if i wanted to reqeust they keep it and i didnt then it didnt matter to me then but it suddenly matters so much to me that they kept it ... I really hope they did now i wish i knew how important this would have been to me..... has anyone else thought that there baby they gave up keeping the name they gave him or her was important or is this a werid thought?

TexasPuppy · #2 08-06-2007, 05:52 PM

I too gave my daughter a name at birth. It was my grandmother's name. She was a very spunky old broad and I thought that by giving my child her name, it would give her some of that spunk to make it through the hard times in life that all of us face. I was told that I could request the name be kept but it wasn't.

I was really bothered to find out that her name had been changed (I found out 29 years later) but now that I think about it as a parent I can understand the change.

I remember being pregnant with each of my two sons and the time my husband and I spent trying out different names. All the different combinations and sounds, it was a major part of the pregnancy. And calling each child by his name for the first time was such a special event.

So I have tried to understand, these aparents, they didn't get the joy of being pregnant. So if they spent the time waiting to have a child placed with them choosing a name for that child they so desperately wanted, so be it. I carried that child. I nurtured her. I gave her life. No matter what the circumstances she was my child and that can never be taken from me no matter what she is called.

A rose by any other name is still a rose.

I hope you find peace.

Jackiejdajda · #3 08-06-2007, 06:43 PM

so-empty.. hello..

Take your time.. I changed many many times after I gave my son up for adoption..

I know of one amom that opened up an adoption when she wanted the ason to know his birthmom..
Anything can happen..

Keep all your opportunities open..

Do you have support now?

Jackie

InBlindFaith · #4 08-06-2007, 08:24 PM

My Agency encouraged me to name DD. This way I had a name to call her, they made it very clear the adoptive parents would be changing DD's name. I found out last year what her name is now. At first I was a bit heart broken, but then I was glad they changed it. Everytime I heard the name Ashley my heart would break.

***kakuehl*** · #5 08-06-2007, 08:40 PM

I didn't even know I could give my son a name until it was too late... He says he's glad because there are already too many in the family with the same name...He thinks I have no imagination. LOL!

quantum · #6 08-07-2007, 12:55 AM

I wasn't 'allowed' to know the sex of my child so my parents encouraged me to choose a name that I'd never been happy with.
I'm so glad now that I know his actual name and can think of him as that.

susieloo · #7 08-07-2007, 07:28 AM

Quantum that is soooo sad! I had my daughters name worked out. I didn't tell anyone for a longtime. It was my special name. I felt a bit sad when I knew she had a new name...the the old one still remains forever in my heart...and is a good password.
Susie

**thanksgivingmom** · #8 08-07-2007, 08:39 AM

I didn't name my daughter. To be honest, it never occurred to me that I should! But then I didn't know her name and I would spend all day thinking of names, what hers might be, and thinking every name sounded perfect because it was hers. Then one day I had to know and I had a total panic attack. I had written in a letter to her amom that I wanted to know her name. The SW called me and I'll never forget, I was at the car wash waiting for my car and she said "I heard you don't know her name....it's A" and I just broke down. I was so very glad to have this peice of information.

If it will bring you peace to know, whether she has the same name or not, call your social worker. It meant the world to me.

(((((hugs))))) and good luck

lahdh4 · #9 08-07-2007, 08:49 AM

I was told that her name could be changed and we (my ex and I) didn't want her to have 1 name only to be changed to something completely different. So she left the hospital as Baby Girl. We talked to her parents about agreeing on a name and truth be told, we never would have named her the name that she has but we wanted her to just have one name.

SchmennaLeigh · #10 08-07-2007, 09:56 AM

My agency basically told me not to name my own child. I regret not doing so, even though I do love her name. However, she was nicknamed the Munchkin and the name has stuck. She will always be my Munchkin.

quantum · #11 08-07-2007, 10:28 AM

Here's a really weird twist, my birthson's middle name is actually his birthfather's first name...
I do like his name!
And it does feel great to know it.

Patty-cake · #12 08-07-2007, 11:27 AM

I was never asked what I wanted to name my dd, but I did have one picked out- a double name although they weren't in style at the time and a nick-name came to mind when I held her. It was disturbing for me to read Baby Girl R. on the paperwork that I signed. I don't know what I expected but not that.

I was very pleased 33 years latter to learn that her adoptive parents picked a double name for her also and the first name is the same one that I chose. It must have been ESP and actually the second name suits her better than my choice.

lellis · #13 08-23-2007, 12:17 AM

So-empty,

I'm new and an adopted daughter. I always wondered what my name might have been. It gave me great comfort later in life to learn the name my birth mother gave me. It was a connection that existed if nothing else. Thank you for the love.

***kakuehl*** · #14 08-23-2007, 05:41 AM

Welcome, lellis, if your birth mother is anything like the rest of us here, trust me: there is a connection stronger than the name she gave you.

keds · #15 08-23-2007, 06:51 AM

Hi everyone, both my bson's bdad and I picked out the name for him in the hospital. We registered him with his first, middle and bdad's last name as it was important to both of us (and we wanted him to know that he was wanted and loved). I ordered his original birth certificate at the same time and it was difficult when it arrived in the mail (3 weeks after he was placed) but at our first F2F I gave it to him with some other keepsakes and photos. I do believe that it is just as important to him as it was to me (it was very difficult giving it away as it was the only tangible memory). The name his mom and dad picked is one of my favourites too and has special meaning and I have to admit it suits him very well. All the best.

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