[BrandyHagz]

Since I work in the 'industry' so to speak - I get a lot of emails from people sharing their stories.

A recent trend, I've noticed, is that women are pretending to be birthmothers.

Not pregnant women looking to place.

Birthmothers.

They are pretending they got pregnant and placed a child for adoption.

Why?

Over the years, its happened on the forums - usually, they just go away (I guess birthmotherhood loses its novelty)

I am trying to think of one good reason why someone would want to PRETEND to be a birthmom...

...I can't.

What are your thoughts on this recent 'trend' not only here on the forums, but in the adoption community at large?

[Vogi2002]

One word.

ATTENTION

Sad. True. Disgusting IMO.

[ModernDayBradyBunch]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

Since I work in the 'industry' so to speak - I get a lot of emails from people sharing their stories.

A recent trend, I've noticed, is that women are pretending to be birthmothers.

Not pregnant women looking to place.

Birthmothers.

They are pretending they got pregnant and placed a child for adoption.

Why?

Over the years, its happened on the forums - usually, they just go away (I guess birthmotherhood loses its novelty)

I am trying to think of one good reason why someone would want to PRETEND to be a birthmom...

...I can't.

What are your thoughts on this recent 'trend' not only here on the forums, but in the adoption community at large?

Brandy - I think it's disgusting for a woman to portray herself as a birthmother when in fact, she's not. Being a birthmother myself, I know how hard it can be, how strong the emotions are, the fear you feel about being "cut out" of your child's life. Why would anyone pretend like that? How could they possibly know how difficult it is? This has made me a bit angry, I'm afraid. I wasn't aware that people like that existed. It's truly despicable and pathetic.

[BrandyHagz]

Sad. True. Disgusting Indeed.

[taramayrn]

Sad, I don't understand it at all. Some deep seeded need for something I'm sure.

[thanksgivingmom]

It's just so frustrating too...

As if the stereotypes about birthmothers aren't damaging enough already, it ruins the credibility of ACTUAL birthmothers...like we need more bad press

[quantum]

I had no idea that someone would do that! Of course, after many years of being online, people pretend to be all sorts of things...

Anyway the idea makes me quite ill. Obviously these people have NO CLUE.

Bah.

[bajj]

It sickens me that some people will waste time pretending to be anything for attention. Why waste other people's time, emotions, and energy when it's all a lie?

And seriously, I agree with tmom that it just adds to the stereotypes that are already there.

[InBlindFaith]

I think these people are in need of some serious psychiatric help.

Where do these people get off saying they are birthmothers when they can't even begin to comprehend the emotions that go along with relinquishing a child? Geez! It took me 18 years to finally verbalize "I'm a birthmother"!!

I agree TG...don't birthmother have enough negative publicity?

[lahdh4]

Disgusting. Crying out for Attention. Stupid.

[SuddenlySusan]

Hi Brandy,

I'm not sure why a woman would pretend to be a birthmother for reasons other than attention, unless she was trying to take advantage of an adoptee, possibly by portraying herself as the birthmother of a targeted adoptee.

I am curious, though, if these women are communicating with you via email, how are you able to discern that they are imposters? Do they eventually give themselves away or something?

Would it be possible that they have slipped into some form of mental illness after having an abortion, and the only way they can live with their decision is to pretend that they actually had a baby and then relinquished?

I've heard of people pretending they have a terminal disease such as cancer in order to gain attention, and sometimes even for monetary gain. What would an imposter birthmother have to gain other than locating an adoptee with whom they could assume a relationship?

I have never heard of imposter birthmothers before, let alone a prevalence of them. How do we tell the difference on the forums?

Peace,
Susan

[keds]

A sad state of affairs. I can't even imagine what would drive someone to do such a thing. I had my first F2F and changed my tag to Birthmom in Reunion and then when I thought it didn't go so well changed it as I wasn't comfortable with how the meeting went so I didn't think I deserved the "title". I still have a hard time using the term birthmom so it's difficult to believe someone could just "choose" to use it.

[quantum]

I am curious now, how DO you tell the imposters?

I guess with other people who I've met online who were not what they said, their stories change, things don't add up right.

Is that what happens?

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I don't understand the mentality of these women. I have seen stories on both Dr. Phil and Dateline recently and there is no remourse in these women and with the one women, she seemed to get excited and almost euphoric while she taunted the expected a-mom. I think it is more than a mental issue...I actually equate it to emotional rape of a woman who so desperately wants a child that they would do anything...and these sick people prey on them.

Ultimately, it turns my stomach to even think of it and I have never gotten thru a single story without crying for the e-parents who have been so emotionally destroyed.

[BrandyHagz]

Please don't assume they are all women either....and again, I am not talking about emotional scammers who scam adoptive parents by pretending to be pregnant.

I am talking about people (men and women, I've seen both) who join forums, email discussion lists, newsgroups etc and claim to be birthmothers who placed a child for adoption...

As for the questions asked - usually, yes the story changes...or, in the case of one 'birth mother' the story DOESN'T change - her daughter never aged a single year in the three years she participated in a specific group. When questioned about the oddity - she dropped off the face of the earth (I'm sure she's already back as someone else...)

These aren't people 'scamming' adoptees or 'scamming' adoptive parents - these people are 'scamming' the entire adoption triad by pretending to be a member. These are people who take an entire close knit community (like our forums) hostage with their lies…often times leaving emotional damage in their wake.

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this – I know one of the ‘biggest scams’ that took place here on the forums involved this type of thing – several years ago…we never did figure out why she did what she did.

She later came back with a totally different story (pretending to be someone else entirely) but was still a ‘birthmother’…her story included a multitude of felicities – some of which could have gotten her in some really DEEP legal trouble (and were reported to the authorities in her state, in the event she was actually trying to ‘live’ this lie IRL).

Sad…very sad.