[bajj]

It is sad, Brandy. People lie about everything, and being on line I guess makes it easier. OK, that was a huge generalization, let me rephrase by saying SOME PEOPLE lie about everything.

I have run across in other forums people who lie about being an adoptive parent who is struggling big time with one thing or another. People who lie about placing a child, people who lie about being adopted.

It happens with all members of the triad and I can't fathom why. Do they have nothing better to do? Do they need so much attention that they are willing to string thousands of people along their lies?

[lahdh4]

I have dealt with 2 people on another forum I belong to. One went and posted pictures of "her" daughter and it was a doll and another member of the forum noticed it. They other said she was her sister but they ended up being one in the same.

[Leigh131313]

I really don't know why someone would do this...attention/boredom is all i can come up with.


An unfortunate "fall-out" of these fakers...I find that I don't really trust people's stories. Especially if they are not "typical". My first instinct - often - is that people are just faking their story. I'm not proud of that...but it's the truth.

[kelceesmom]

My only thought would be attention. And one of confusion for life. Something, to me, would seem to have happended to a person to have them start up this whole other life. I would assume that they have no self respect either. Very sad for them.

[TxMom65]

Some people are crazy. I would have never known these forums existed or probably ever came across them had I not adopted.

I am part of an online comminuty where someone faked a pregnancy, miscarriage, another pregnancy, fake birth, then really had a baby but soon told everyone he had cancer. Can you even imagine?
What must these people be like in real life?

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I am part of an online comminuty where someone faked a pregnancy, miscarriage, another pregnancy, fake birth, then really had a baby but soon told everyone he had cancer. Can you even imagine?
What must these people be like in real life?

I think that is the scariest thing about the internet...ANYONE can be on the other end! Maybe to everyone who KNOWS them they are as normal as you and I, but the annonymity of the internet seems to draw out the worst in some people.

[JPDakota]

Jamie Lee Curtis said that the more she likes herself the less she pretends to be someone else. I think that's basically the answer. People who do not like themselves find great comfort in new identities. I guess the fact that they upset others is either lost on them, or part of the game. The internet is full of imposters - dating sites, political sites, sports sites, and yes even adoption sites. I don't think they so much want to hurt others as to find sympathy, compassion, or someone to get in a good fight with - all virtually. It's part of the lure of the medium. Caveo of praestigiator.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Attention?

I'm confused as to why anyone would WANT the kind of attention that I've unfortunately received as a birth mother.

Very curious all the same.

[BrandyHagz]

Jenna,

I think that's what confuses me most...attention? I'd gladly give the 'attention' I've gotten - which is disturbing at best.

I can see why someone (mentally ill) would pretend to be a pregnant woman considering adoption - you're often 'very important' when you're in that position....everyone wants to be your friend and tell you how awesome (and courageous and strong and wonderful) you are...

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

I can see why someone (mentally ill) would pretend to be a pregnant woman considering adoption - you're often 'very important' when you're in that position....everyone wants to be your friend and tell you how awesome (and courageous and strong and wonderful) you are...

I'd even be careful using the blanket statement of mentally ill. It needs to be clarified with needy and manipulative. Not all mentally ill people need (or want!) extra attention, ya know?

Banking off of your ellipses at the end there...

exactly. It just doesn't make sense when using my personal frame of reference or using the experiences that many of my birth mother friends have been through in their birth mother journeys. The way an expectant mother considering placement is treated by a potential family or even family members and quite possibly society can be vastly different than how a mother who has relinquished is treated. I didn't receive any negative comments before the TPR was signed (uhm, minus the horrid hospital experience). Since then? I have been called numerous not-so-nice names. I have been assumed to be addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. I have been told that it was all my fault because I was "promiscuous." (I was? Interesting!) I have been dismissed, both in experience and opinion, because I hold the title of birth mother.

Personally, in my experience with various birth mother fakers, I have found that they're usually trying to prove some point but fail miserably. Why? In order for people to learn from what you are saying, you have to be honest. When people find out that you're nothing but a lying little snit, no one wants to listen to a word you've said and will discount everything that you have previously said or done. People would be better served by the faker speaking out as who they really are... unless they've already done irreparable damage to their online persona and "need" to take on a new one to "make a point."

Frankly, I'm sick of it in general and would like to see people OWN THEIR WORDS. But, ya know, that's just me.

[BrandyHagz]

I know...my bad - having dealt with mental illness myself, in some capacity, I know the importance of not making blanket statements, so I'm sorry.

But I totally agree with you - I can't see a logical reason for it...

My biggest issue with it is the damage it does to the triad. I find that those who pretend often pretend in ways that can't possibly be 'real' - and I worry that adoptive parents (both pre and post placement) put more merit in those experiences, because often times, they are void of pain and absent of any negative/hard to hear emotion…which, honestly, is what adoptive parents really want to hear…(there have been some threads recently about how adoptive parents feel about hearing the truth, its not pretty).

[Leigh131313]

Brandy

Please do not speak for adoptive parents. We are just as diverse in our feelings as any other group or part of the triad.

Thanks.

[BrandyHagz]

Your right, I should have said many/most - based on what I've read on the forums.

I didn't meant to imply 'all' - in fact, my daughters mother is very open to hearing my true thoughts on the matter...something most refreshing.

[SilverWitch]

Brandy,

I think that while you have a valid point, you have also forgotten that a lot of birthmothers have gone a little off plumb as it were. Not saying we are nuts, just sometimes and for some of us, our memories are not as good as you would think. I have heard of birthmothers who can't remember it at all....chosen amnesia in a way, I guess.

I guess what I am saying is, how do you really know? If a person says one thing then another? For me, my daughter and I are in reunion and about half the time I am seriously miserable and trying to figure it out and the other half I a totally confused at the changes. So, I would bet you could see me as inconsistant. But that does not change the facts at all, I am still a birthmother.

With Respect.

[cls2445]

There are all kinds of people....hard to believe someone would do that...but look at the years many of us have pretended not to be birth mothers.....My DD was born in 1963 and just this year have I been able talk about the experience.