[Kelster2123]

I am a new birthmom, a month ago yesterday my little girl Kaylee was born, I was unable to meet her adoptive family prior to giving birth to her, partly because I was to scared that I wouldnt be able to handle it and partly because there wasn't enough time. However they have agreed to meet with me now. Our agent has set up a meeting for us on July 17th. I was just wondering if anyother birthmoms out there, or anyone for that matter, has any advice they can give me.....I am super excited to see my little one again but insanely nervous about meeting her adoptive parents...what do I say what dont I say.....what can I expect.......when I first went into the adoption I thought that I wanted a closed adoption but then changed my mind to a semi-open one before she was born, now I really want it to be an open adoption but I dont know how the family with react to it........sorry this is so long but I really need some advice on this......please help!!haha THANKS EVERYONE!!

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[lahdh4]

Be yourself!!! They will be just as nervous.
Breathe -- believe me it is an important thing to tell yourself.
Are you meeting someplace public? private?

Bring camera and tissues!!
Have someone that you can touch base with afterwards, it could be alittle overwhelming and haven't a person to touch base to ground yourself is always good. I do it after every visit.

(HUGS)

[taramayrn]

Be yourself. Don't worry they are just as nervous as you are.

Maybe bring some pictures of you growing up, etc to share with them. I remember our son's parents wanted to see pictures of us, just as we did of them.

Enjoy your visit and don't forget your camera.

[kelceesmom]

I am so happy for you. Believe everyone will be nervous. Just be yourself. I would write down some questions that you would like to ask before you go so you don't forget them when you meet. It will be overwhelming to say the least.

I am an adoptive mom and if I were meeting for the first time I would like to see some family pictures or pictures of interest of things you have done or anything you would like to share.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Kelster2123]

thanks so much everyone the idea to take pics of me growing up and such is a great idea i didnt even think of that....as for where we are meeting its going to be at the agency near where the family lives and our agent is going to be there with us, I also think that my mom is going to come along with me but im not sure yet......ill definetely be taking my camera and probably an entire box of tissues haha........any other ideas or advice that yall have I would love to hear and thanks again.....especailly any tips on calming my nerves as the big day gets closer are greatly appreciated

[SchmennaLeigh]

Be yourself. Treat it like you would treat meeting any new person that you wanted to be a part of your life. Be open, be honest, be caring and be yourself.

Enjoy your time. And take a camera.

[pohgrl]

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

I'm writing as an aparent, fyi. I agree with the advice others are giving--be yourself, believe they're as nervous as you are, take pictures and tissues and questions, etc.

In your original post it sounded like you are a little concerned how the aparents will/would respond to your desire for a more/an open adoption. Since the social worker will be there, maybe you can enlist her/him to help facilitate a conversation. She/he could note that wishes and expectations regarding openess can shift and evolve and ask some questions like: have you given any thought to growing into a more open relationship? how do you aparents feel about receiving letters, photos and gifts from "kelster2123" for your daughter? What sort of contact do al of you parents believe is in her best interests?, etc.

I guess I'm suggesting that if you're hoping for more contact and nervous about expressing this wish, maybe the social worker can help frame a conversation in terms of your baby's well-being. Also, assuming you'll at least be receiving letters and photos from them, once the ice is broken, you can tell the aparents what sort of information about her you would appreciate. Do you want to know specific details like what she eats and where her freckles are and whether or not the sound of the dishwasher makes her giggle? Do you hope for copies of some artwork or school assignments as she grows? Do you dream of sitting beside them to watch her in a school play? Would you like some video of her babbling and crawling? Be candid with them since otherwise they'll have to guess what you'd like to know.

Again, congratulations, and enjoy your visit!

[Kelster2123]

Thanks sooo much for the advice.......the idea of having our social worker bring up the topic is wonderful, Im personally a chicken and am afraid of losing my nerve and not being able to bring up the topic myself so having my agent help to bring the conversation up would be perfect!!!
Also what you said about giving specifics on what I hope to recieve through the contact is something that I hadn't really thought of telling the aparents, I dont want to come across as hoping for too much and making them feel as if im being pushy :/ but its good to hear that its ok to give them specifics coming from an aparent!! It gives me hope Thanks again so much & keep the advice coming.......right now Im feeling a little better and less nervous but Im sure as the big day gets closer Ill be a nervous excited mess

[kakuehl]

Don't forget to breathe! Low, deep breaths... in and out... will help you relax (and not hyperventilate).