[krystabelle]

Does anyone else get tired of being told she's brave or courageous for placing her child for adoption?
It's about to drive me up the wall. The last thing I think I will ever feel is brave or courageous.
It was necessary and what was best... it was out of love and hope for something better for her.

Also, I'm not ready for tomorrow. I don't feel like a mother at all. They're dedicating babies tomorrow at church. My mom wishes I wouldn't go, but I want to. I don't know if it's just a way of punishing myself or trying to face things and not run from everything that's going to hurt.

[MommaKatja]

yeah brave and couragous are two words I'd like to disappear from the language. I try to remember that when people say that it's coming from good intentions. As for mothers day, this is the 5th one since I placed and I'm still not ready. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow. If it gets too bad you can always leave the room dont force yourself to sit through it. Torturing yourself will accomplish nothing and maybe next year you'll be able to stay longer.
and in closing, you are a mother so I hope you can have at least a few happy moments on your mothers day.

[kune]

I want to endorse Mamakatja's words.

You created a beautiful child and gave her life - and nurtured her for 9 months so she could have the best start in life. You gave her love, and the the chance to be the best she can be. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY You are her Mother!!
Ann

[taramayrn]

I often find those words anger me on some level. I have tried so hard to not let them get to me and to remember the nature in which they are said, which usually is love. Sometimes I do not feel very brave or angelic. Do what you need to do today. It might be very difficult to go to church with all the babies, but it also might be good on some level you know? Sometimes the things that push us emotionally and are difficult are just what we need, you know?

[kaboint424]

[quote=krystabelle]Does anyone else get tired of being told she's brave or courageous for placing her child for adoption?
It's about to drive me up the wall. The last thing I think I will ever feel is brave or courageous.
It was necessary and what was best... it was out of love and hope for something better for her.QUOTE]


yea, i feel exactly the same way.

[thanksgivingmom]

I get this too krystal. Today is my first Mother's Day also, and I am not looking forward to getting together with my whole family (who don't know I had a daughter and placed). I have a nephew that's fifteen days younger than my daughter and another nephew that's about six weeks younger...so today will be very special for thier mothers as my whole family celebrates their recent motherhood, while mine goes unnoticed.

As for being "brave" and "courageous"...I don't feel these things yet either.

[InBlindFaith]

Those are words I have heard for so many years. They are like nails on a chalkboard to me. Whenever I hear them I do my best to hide the pain it causes and give a little smile and say thank you. I have learned those words are not intended to hurt, the people who say them really don't know what to say and they are trying to positive. You did what you thought was best. It's a tough decision. Do what you need to do to help you through this.

This is my 18th Mother's Day away from DD. I have spent the last 17 with the "what ifs" running through my mind. Today, to my surprise, it is now thoughts of "one day". Today is one more Mother's Day closer to meeting my First Daughter.

(((HUGS)))

[BrandyHagz]

They are like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Ditto - I am happy with the placement - happy with how things have been...ot bitter or angry in any way...but those words drive me freaking NUTZ!

I hate hearing them.

I hate being told that.

I hate everything about it...it just grates me!

However, like Roni, I do my best to not let it bother me, because I know it's not said in the way I take it.

*sigh*

Kinda like the 'to bad you couldn't have children of your own' that adoptive parents hate so much...its well meaning...but it ticks them off.

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by krystabelle

Does anyone else get tired of being told she's brave or courageous for placing her child for adoption?

I told my counselor that those are 2 words that she is not to utter to me in talking with me about J's adoption. If she wants me to walk out of the room those are the 2 words that will be get me out of her office.

[browneyes0707]

DD's a-mom wrote those words to me last summer, and I will now admit they didn't sit well. Not cause they came from her, but "brave" makes me feel like I have to "suck it up and deal" and be silent and move on and I'm finally realizing that I DONT!!! I can express my hurt, my anger, my joy and pride and it should be OK. What I did was not brave. It was not selfless. It was what I had to do because I loved my daughter, and it was what I had to do for myself.

Today is my 15th Mothers Day. Because my family doesn't know I am a mom, I am not acknowledged. My friends, my fiance, they know but don't acknowledge because they are afraid of "bringing up painful reminders", but that to me is more painful than to remember. Mothers Day never really affected me in the sense that I feel loss, but it would be nice for someone to say "Happy mothers day!" I did get a message from a friend of mine last night who I was close with during my pregnancy. He remembered. It was the best present I have gotten

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by krystabelle

Does anyone else get tired of being told she's brave or courageous for placing her child for adoption?
It's about to drive me up the wall. The last thing I think I will ever feel is brave or courageous.
It was necessary and what was best... it was out of love and hope for something better for her.

Also, I'm not ready for tomorrow. I don't feel like a mother at all. They're dedicating babies tomorrow at church. My mom wishes I wouldn't go, but I want to. I don't know if it's just a way of punishing myself or trying to face things and not run from everything that's going to hurt.

Just say thanks by that was not the case. That you would have kept your child if you could. That you did what was best for your child at that time. Maybe not what was best for you.

Most people don't know what to say. They either want to say you did the best thing, or are just trying to make you feel better.