[kaboint424]

hey everyone... i just got home from the hospital today. i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy early yesterday morning. he went home with his adoptive parents today and i'm a little nervous that my mood is going to crash. any tips on how to keep happy during this time? everything is going ok right now but i know that in a little bit it's all going to hit me and i just want to be ready to deal w/ it when it does. thanks.

-katy

[quantum]

Something which I didn't have is people to talk to.
So talk!
And everything you can possibly feel is normal.

*hugs*

[Tigger27]

First off, Katy, (((HUGS)))

Make sure you take care of yourself because your body is healing and recovering from just giving birth also.

Also take care of yourself emotionally, mentally and in any other way that you need to. Now is when you need to put yourself and your well-being first. Feel free to pamper yourself and look at pictures or talk to the adoptive parents when you're missing your baby or having a hard time - are you having an open adoption with visits or a different arrangement?

Also I would get a box or a few boxes of kleenex and be ready for any little thing to set you off at any time and let yourself cry whenever you feel the need to.

I would also second what quantum said in that making sure you have family, friends and others around that you can talk to or use their shoulder to cry on or go to for a hug at any time would be a great idea.

I would also suggest journaling any and all thoughts and feelings that come to you as you begin this process of grief and healing.

It will not be an easy path, but we've all of us gone through this part of the path or similar to this one that you're on now and all of us are here to help give support, love and friendship to you and to do what we can to help you.

So feel free to PM or talk to me or anyone else here.

(((Hugs))) again.

[InBlindFaith]

A shoulder to cry on, a box of kleenex and some ice cream!!

If you need to greive, then do it, don't stuff it in. You will have good moments and you will have rough spots. This is not an easy path...please make sure you have someone who will help wipe the tears and smile at the joy. These are things I wished I had back then.

((((HUGS))))

[Lucy_Mom]

I'd agree with what everyone else said -- also make sure there's someone you can call in the middle of the night if need be, which can be a time when you feel very alone.

Hugs to you. I was in your shoes on this day a few years ago.

Lucy

[SchmennaLeigh]

I wouldn't worry about "keeping happy." I would let yourself feel whatever emotions you are feeling. Some of them will be happy. Some of them won't be. Trying to force yourself to feel one way or another is setting yourself up for future failure. Journal through this time and be honest with yourself. Well, honest and gentle.

Congratulations on the birth of your son.

[lahdh4]

Be honest with yourself. If you are not happy don't try and be happy. Otherwise I agree completely with what you have allready been told.

[browneyes0707]

(((HUGS)))

Everyone else here has given great advice. I just wanted to send some support your way!!!!

[taramayrn]

Allow your self to grieve and feel the emotions. If you don't do it now, it could catch up to you later. ((((HUGS))))

[vbigelow]

I don't know the details of your story, but if there is any way possible for you to parent your child, I would suggest you do so. I am 36 1/2 years post placement and am a highly accomplished person who has gone on to parent three other children. I'm also 16 years into reuinion with my placed child. However, the pain of relinquishment (mine involuntary; I was forced by my parents and supported by the doctor and the agency) has never become bearable. I live with it every day of my life.

[KateyKat]

feel feelings - don't stuff them. That has been best for me. I was helped by writing. I created a special journal just for my birthdaughter entries. I hope to give it to her one day. It is also nice to look through on hard days. It shows me that I had gotten through some hard times before.

[longingtomeetyou]

just wondering how your doing

[leakaye]

Big Hugs and support! We all understand your pain, it's normal for you to feel all the things you feel. It's hard enough being a first time mom, let alone being a birth mom. You will make it through. Whatever you do, don't turn to drugs or alcohol to try and mask the pain. Cry and feel the pain now, because it will only come back to haunt you later if you don't. I learned that the hard way.
Make sure you talk about your labour and birth with those you trust, and with ONLY those you trust.
Don't go around telling everyone what you have just been through. You will not get the reaction you hoped for from most people, and you may lose some friends too. I also learned that the hard way.
Whenever you need to...talk on this forum. I wish I would have known about this 6 years ago, I didn't think there was anyone out there to help me, so I messed up 4 years of my life getting drunk and taking drugs.
You will be ok, in time. But it will take time.
There are plenty of books out there. Search for Birth parent books on Google. You will find some help!
Make sure your parents or someone is there for cuddles. Remember new moms have a baby to cuddle normally, so it's normal to want to be extra physical at this time.
x Good Luck! XXX