[Tigger27]

Alright so I've had this on my mind for a while, but haven't been sure where to post it or how to word it and thought maybe it was a dumb question or thought, but I'll post it just to see what you all think anyway.

Okay so my question/thought here is this...if you've parented a child since you placed or if you have both a parented and placed child, do you ever worry that you won't love them equally or that either of them will feel jealous or slighted of the other one? I'm just wondering how those who have parented and placed keep that balance with both their children.

This came up because my boyfriend was talking to me the other day and said he doesn't have a problem with me having my relationship with my girls and their families just as long as I love and give just as much attention to the children we'll raise together. So, I guess this is kind of going back to the whole thought/question that is constantly around about treating all your children the same and loving them all the same...anyway, just something I was wondering about lately since he said that.

Thanks in advance for anything you'd like to share .

[SchmennaLeigh]

I do worry that one will feel slighted/jealous regarding the other one.

But having held and loved them both, I know that my love isn't greater for one or the other. It differs, as I'm a day-to-day Mom to one and a birth mother to the other but... the amount is the same. The ways I am allowed to show it are what differ.

[eliza4]

i do worry about that...being that DD is hundreds of miles away, while she has siblings that are quite a bit younger than her. i don't know that i feel maternal to her, granted i know i'm so different from her amother. i do love her and longed for the day i would meet her again...i feel guilty that i give a lot to my young children, but i'm not there to give to this child, along with the little influence or guidance i might be able to give her-all those miles away.

[Teresa K]

I don't think the love we have for the children with us is more or less than the child/ren placed. It is a different type of love, but intense nevertheless. Love for our children is different than love for a friend or other family, but the love for ones with us isn't the same as the ones who aren't. I think with those we raise, there isn't the pain or hurt as with one's we don't, we worry about all our kids but are totally helpless if we aren't there. Its simply different. My children know about adoption, very sugar coated of course. They know they have twin brothers, it isn't hidden. I asked the "aparents" if they'd make sure my kids had pictures, didn't happen...but kids are pretty accepting. Life works out, if we let it.