[noMoreDramaMama75]

Would you speak to me and help me if you know who I am?

Here's my story, my struggle. As a teenager, my pregnancy was unexpected. Jobless and resource less, I felt scared that I would get overwhelmed. There was social pressure for me to wed my baby‘s daddy. So, in a poorly fitting emerald green prom dress, 6 months pregnant, I made the biggest mistake of my life: I stood in a dentist’s office and got married. I gave birth to a perfect baby boy--7 pounds, 13 ounces. I named him A.K.A. I love him, always have, more than life itself. He is still my good, good boy/ pride and joy… but now I am just a “birth mother” and a felon. And I still struggle with mental illness, including Bipolar disorder (which was going untreated without medication or therapy).

But, anyway, love was not enough to raise a child. My (now ex) husband was abusive, and one day he beat me down and I could not get back up in time to protect my son. I know, “Even animals can protect their own children” and “Some people aren’t fit enough to raise a garden let alone a child.“ So for the rest of my history I will just give you the naked data…

My birth son has been placed in foster care with a broken leg. I have entered a plea agreement for one count of Aggravated Assault (by reason of failure to protect.) I have signed away my parental rights to my beloved A. My son has been adopted by the foster parents he was immediately placed with.

I am now 31 years old, and A. has just turned 12. For all of these years after "the great tragedy" of my life I've just barely existed, not even functioning well enough to consistently hold a job and live on my own. I even turned to drugs for several years because I could not cope with the seperation. I've applied for Disability, btw.

I'm in therapy and on psych meds. I feel really good on this new combo., like the fog is lifting. I'm starting to feel my pre-marriage spark come back!

Do you have any suggestions about books that might be helpful to me? I really want to start living again, not just barely going through the motions of life. I still can't forgive myself.

If you've made it this far, for reading. I really need someone to "talk" to.

[lonni]

The book=Healing The Shame That Binds You by Bradshaw is a good one.
Also The book=It's Nobody's Fault (talks about various mental illness,adhd ect.)
How about a domestic abuse support group to understand the damage it can do and the mindset it can create? I am happy that you have found the right combo of meds and a good therapist!!!!!

[irish11970]

No More,
I have no ideas of books to read, but wanted to give you a big cyber-hug!!! I can't imagine the pain you have endured, but I am so happy your fog is lifting and you are emerging to find the real you again. Just take it one day at a time, and I know you will do great!!!

Many Blessings to you!!

Jenn

[2tone]

WOW!!! It sounds like you went through alot....AND it sounds like you felt out of control...but I get that...I am now in the process off giving my two older children up because I KNOW god**** well that even though I am out of the abusive relationship and TRYING to get some help for all of the abuse I endured as a child.....I know it is NOT fair to make my children WAIT as I heal...that they deserve a chance at a semi-normal childhood and shoulnt be made to wait as I get my **** together...So I think what you are doing id great ...not for you....but for the child............Just remeber that...It is your MATERNAL job to make sure they are warm, safe protected and secure.....
It is hard but it is worth knowing that ultimatly you DID your job............

[longingtomeetyou]

well hon i know this might sound taboo but.....

have you thought about picking up the Bible and taking a good read?

if not i highly recommend it .....

its what really got me through alot of painful memories of my past such as adoption.....


start in the Psalms they are very uplifting and encouraging......

God bless hon