[Janetemac]

Hello, Well I am new here and I never thought I would do this but I need some advice and maybe I can give some, well here I go.
Back in 1990 I was in-group homes and I ran away at 16 years old. While on the run I met a 26 year old and fell in love???? Then I got pregnant. I wanted this baby more than anything. Social services found me and tried to take me back but I convinced a judge to let me go I had a job and an apartment. After the judge agreed the social workers followed me day and night and would stop me in the store to tell me what a horrible parent I would be. The big day came and I went to the hospital in labor, I asked the Dr for pain meds but I was denied I was told that I needed to feel this pain to understand that I was to young to have a child. Then after 15 hours of labor the contractions wouldn't go away I had a UTI but the nurses and DR said I deserved the pain. After 28 1/2 hours of labor with no meds I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He had to go to ICU because he pooped in his water from the stress of labor but of course I was told that it was my fault. I was there with him day and night until he came home. The social workers were even worse and I couldn't get rid of them no matter what. When my son was 3 months old I ended up pregnant again and the Social workers said that if I didn't give my son up for adoption they would take both of my kids. I did nothing wrong and I was a good mother but I ticked them off and that seems to be worse than poking a bear. I made them leave and the next day they came and took my son. She said that he was going to a more mature mother. I was devastated I fought them for a few months but there was only so much a 16 year old can do. So I promised my son that no matter what I wouldn't let him go with them. So I called an adoption agency and I choose the parents that I thought would be the best for him. Social services got so mad that they even tried to fight the agency to keep him, but I was still his mother. They promised to keep his name the same and always send letters and pictures.
Well that only lasted a few years and when he was 1 year old they mailed a letter to say that they changed his name. I was devastated but I could do nothing. I had 2 more children a boy and a girl. In 1995 both of my children were killed in a house fire when they were 4 years and 15 months old. My 1st son never got to know his brother or sister. As I was grieving I got a letter from Amother that they were sorry and she will send letters and pictures again. But I got 1 letter and 1 picture.
Soon I had 2 more children another boy and a girl. They both have always known whom he is and that he may want to meet us one day. I thank God that he has helped me through my 3 children being ripped from my arms.
Last week I received a call from the agency that amom wants to send pictures and a letter, I was on cloud 9 and I felt that what I have always dreamed about would soon come true. I got the pictures he is now 16 almost 17 years old and wants to know all about his sibs and me.
I was speechless for a few days. Then as I started reading the posts here I realized he may not want to meet me, I am a stranger to him that carries his blood and looks. I also realized that I cannot let this affect my children’s well being. In the past week I have gone over everything in my life, yes I had a hard time but my life is now on track. I would love nothing more than to bring my son back to me.
But I also know that it may take time and it may never happen. I am OK with that. Because the 1st time he was ripped from me and I never really got to say good-bye. But if he doesn’t want to meet me or be apart of this family at least I will get the chance to say good-bye the right way. I don't grieve the loss of my son because he is not dead, but I have always had a big gap in my heart that belongs to him. As I sit here and stare at his picture I am thankful that I have it> I know that he is alive and well.
Here is my question his bio dad liked very young girls back then and I have recently found out that nothing has changed. My son wants to get a picture of bdad and maybe contact him. Do I call the agency and tell them that I don't think this is a good idea or do I lie and say I don't know where he is. (When he found out I was pregnant he wanted me to abort and I wouldn't, 2 days later a 14 year old called and told me she to was pregnant by him but she did abort)
I have learned that what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger. Please give me some insight as to what I should do. I love my son and look forward to meeting him again and I just don't want him to get involved with this man. Am I wrong????

[BrennaMiriam]

Wow,I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you,it's just,well,can't really out it down in words,but wow.

I'm an adoptee of 28yo,and had my first child,a daughter,Mandy,at 15yo,turned 16 three weeks later and then at 17yo I had my son Jaimy,so they're 12 and 11 now.

I was born in Canada and raised,then (my amom was belgian) when I was 13 yo my aparents divorced,my amom took me to Belgian and then the rest happened,lucky for me ,reading all theese mails here,Belgian really has good social security and social workers,they supported me and now almost 13 years later I have a good job and home for my kids and myself,but I too,feel like there's an empty spot,and that's because I don't know who my bparents were.

I 'm searching,and searching and wondering and wondering.She to was a teen mom,maybe the same thing happend to her ,just like to you,cause she kept me for two weeks then,poef,I was giving up,and I so want to know who they both were.

So trying to answer your question,wich I really can't cause it's your choice I can only say for a achild,I to want to know who they were,but as a mother,I to want the best for my kids and want to protect them,so if I was in the same situation,I'de rather protect them,but in the end,it's their choice to,maybe you should wait at least untill he's 18yo,then he will be an adult.

I hope I could give you some support,if you'de ever want to chat,drop me a line,I wish I could help,even if it was as an listening ear.

God bless,

xxxx

[Janetemac]

BrennaMiriam,
Thank you so much, You have given me some insight on this. And you would be surprised as to how many people have had thier children ripped from them. I know that we as mothers will do what is best for our children. It just dosen't hurt any less. I am very thankful that I have found this sight I actually have people that can understand my pain. I am sorry that you have not yet found your Bmother. I know that God will be there for you and you will find her soon. I will say a prayer for you and your bmom. I am very happy to know that the social workers treated you very well and that not all of them are cruel.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

[TCSMom]

Hi Janetemac. You sound like a great mom who has her life together and you should be very proud of yourself. I'm a birthmom too, pregnant at 14 (he was 26) and now I raise a son and daughter.

In response your question, as much as you want to protect your birthson it would be wrong to say you don't know where bdad is. You can simply provide a photo if you have one and his contact info. Your son will figure things out all on his own. You need not comment one way or the other, he can do the math. All you can do is speak for yourself and your children and focus on developing a relationship with your bson. It's about you and your kids, all your kids, not the bdad.