[Juleen]

I had a phone call a few weeks ago to tell me that the agency has made a match between myself (birthmother) and the daughter I gave up for adoption 21 years ago.

I was relieved, excited, panic striken, excited and so very happy. They gave me some bits of information about her and told me they would contact me.

I am still waiting for it all to fall into place and for everyone to catch up on the administration side of it. Can anyone tell me how they felt when they first found out there was a match. My emotions are all over the place.
Thanks

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by Juleen

I am still waiting for it all to fall into place and for everyone to catch up on the administration side of it. Can anyone tell me how they felt when they first found out there was a match. My emotions are all over the place.
Thanks

I will never forget when I got that first email from my bson.. Never.. it was the most wonderful day of my life..

I remember every bit if it.. I remember sitting where I was sitting and opening up that email.. I did not sleep well that nite..
We were not sure we had a match so I typed up my non identifying info on his aparents..
I had nailed it so we knew we had a match..

He sent his phone number and I called that morning.. Such an exciting time..

Lots of good times ahead and some difficult times..
I like to think of life as flowing down a river and sometimes the river gets very busy and we need to keep our heads and go with the flow..

And keep out of the negative thinking.. I know I did some negative thinking back then and I was wrong more than once..

Congrats.. and I hope and pray all goes well..

Jackie

[sunnyfromNY]

Congratulations on finding your dd. That information will change your life, I'm sure, if it hasn't already.

My son posted his information on a website. I 'googled' his sex, dob, and the hospital he was born in,.... and I got a 'hit'.

I was in an alien in another world when I saw his information on that website.... I was unable to concentrate on anything except my wonderment as to whether this was really happening. I had waited so long and had searched every day.

I was so happy to know that he was all right... that he had survived, because quite honestly I thought he was dead. We emailed every day for a year.... now we email every couple of months to keep in touch.... I love hearing from him.

At first, I wanted him to be one of my brood of children.... I wanted to enclose him and make him mine, and that took a year or so to get out of my mind. Because he had lived a different life, he didn't know me or his siblings; he was happy to meet me, but it will take years and years (if ever) for us to feel as close as he does to his afamily.

I'm so glad he's in my life again and that I can call him and correspond with him. His loss affected my entire life but I mourn no more.... I know where he is.

I wish you all the best when you meet your dd.... reunion is not for wimps, so read as much as you can before and during your reunion.

[longingtomeetyou]

i am sooooooo happy for you

when i got the email with my daughters name i went into shock......i cried all day tears of joy!!

i held onto that email for about 1 yr before i started looking for her......i did find her and i phoned the pastor of the church she is attending .......that was a fluke......the first church i phoned was the right one ! i thought that was neat.......everything was just flowing .....

and then...............

adoptive mom phoned me one day and that call went good .....i was very emotional .....the adoptive mom said she would be sending a picture and then another phone call next mothers day with another picture......what right did she have to phone ME at home and LIE to me about sending a picture!


seems it was all a hoax......

anyways just be ready for anything from daughter such as happy reunion or rejection .....that way you wont be disappointed....

[Juleen]

Thank you for such lovely responses. Mine is going thtough Ireland, where she was adopted and they have this long drawn out process. The agency called me one afternoon 4 weeks ago and told me there was a match, we had both registered with the National Adoption Board, they gave me a little information about her and gave her some about me, she sounds wonderful, very much like my daughter I had a few years after she was adopted, good natured etc. Her aparents are involved in her search and seem happy for her to seek me out and I would like to include them as much as possible too. My only issue is now that I know she is there, I want to know things, but the agency is on a go slow, they tell me it could take months! It is such a let down in one way and then in another I am so excited just knowing she is well. I want to do this right. My entire life since the day I gave her up has been ruled by that event. I suffered post natal depression for 16 years and was told I more than likely had PTS disorder too. I married the first idiot that offered me a baby and after my second child was born and an abusive marriage, I ended up raising my two children alone for 13 years. During this time I felt so guilty because I felt I should have kept my first little girl if I was going to have ended up being a single parent, but I did ok. I now have to wonderful supportive children and recently married a wonderful man that is the first man I ever really loved or has loved me, all this now I am in my 40's eh .....

He tells me to accept the slow Irish pace and enjoy the excitment, I am trying but I so would love more now. Is that selfish? I feel the lid has been lifted off the box that has been shut away for so long. I know I have no right to dictate the pace and there is a weird part of me that yearns to touch her ....... I only know her first name so seeking her out is not an option either
longing to meet you, how old is your daughter now?
Sunny from NY, I know what yu mean, I feel like a black cloud has been lifted from me just knowing she is ok
Jackie, I am with you on this one, I am trying to be as positive as I can be, I actually think that even if nothing else happens, I am more informed than I was before.
I am glad I found this site, thank you all

[InBlindFaith]

That is such wonderful news

I was on cloud 9 when I received my daughter's information, I was overcome with excitement!! Then I received an email that reduced me to a puddle of tears, she's not ready. It took a few days to regroup, but I'm back to being excited about knowing a little about her.

Do you have her name? Type her name in the google and yahoo search boxes, see if you can find anything. That's how we found pictures of my daughter. Search MySpace too. Just because the Agency is going to be slow doesn't mean you can't quietly search.

I am so excited for you!! Lots of hugs!!

[Juleen]

Thanks Roni

all I have is her first name and it is not an unusual name so nothing in particular is coming up. Yesterday I got all upset because I had a few negative feelings like what if she changed her mind, that was when I thought well we have to do this at her pace not mine and if she does change her mind well then thats ok too. In my mind I know I will be here for what ever she wants, even if it is slighly painful. Nothing will ever be as painful to me as the last 21 years of not knowing anything.

How long ago was it when you first heard from your daughter, our girls are about the same age ..

[InBlindFaith]

It was through an email last August. I know she is still young, I hope in time she will decide she is ready. I have to take this at my daughter's pace if I want any kind of relationship with her. Until then I will be here...probably pacing the floor!! LOL!!

The most important thing I have learned so far is to have strong support and keeping positive. This board has been incredible for me and I have a group of girlfriends who are willing to be here for me while I ride this roller coaster.

Patience, it's a word I'm just now starting to understand.

So get to know some of the other Birthmom's here, you will learn that you are not alone.

HUGS!!!

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by Juleen

During this time I felt so guilty because I felt I should have kept my first little girl if I was going to have ended up being a single parent, but I did ok.

All the old emotions are going to come up.. or it does for some..
This is a wonderful painful time in our lives.. Long buried emotions surface and ask for attention.. and we all stumble when something we did not expect to happen.. happens.. Right Sunny!

I am in Canada.. I am almost 65 years old.. I am retired and expecting my first check from the government.. soon..

My bson is in Washington State in the US.. I gave him up in Florida.. in /65 and he surfaced in the northwest.. In 1999.
I met him twice.. He has three kids and I send birthday gifts.. Jack the oldest did not get his latest birthday gift because Amazon is messing me around.. (first time) and I phoned the house.. I usually phone the bson cell phone cause I do not want to overstep my boundaries.. but ohhh I got the birthgrandaughter.. her voice was/is beautiful.. she is in kindergarten.. half days..

I will never forget the sound of her voice.. the distance is my doing I think.. Or both our doing..

I am also at peace with myself about the adoption..

Jackie

[TenderSoul]

I just found my son in May so the emotions are still so raw. Those first few days and weeks were so surreal. The emotions were high and low. I just couldn't believe he was finally back in my life. Now that he was I worried so much about what the outcome would be, if I would be rejected once he found the info he was looking for. He put all that to rest and now we are just trying to build our relationship which we both know will take a long time.

I'm happy for you, there isn't a better feeling for a first time mom when she finds that child she placed.

Best of luck.

[Juleen]

Thank you all so much, it has been so lovely to read your posts. I am having a tough weekend this weekend and it is helping. HAve to go running around now dropping my son off but I will come back online as soon as I can.

Thank you all so much