[okiema]

Just an introduction!

I am a 34 year old birth mom of an 18 year old young man. I have a BILLION questions and after lurking for a bit I have seen how supportive everyone here is, I thought I would 'take the plunge'.

I have not had any contact with him as of yet (still crossing my fingers) but I have all of his contact info as this adoption was open (to an extent). I know he knows he was adopted... at least I am pretty sure his parents have told him. (they had another son at the time of this adoption who was 5 and knew he was adopted).

About a week after his 18th birthday this last April, I sent a letter to his mom and made sure that she had all of my current info to give him if he asked. Now I am wondering if she gave it to him. I don't know why I didn't sned it to him... I guess I am just deathly afraid.

I half way expected a call or leter or something, but I haven't as of yet. Since I have his info, should I initiate contact? If so, do you have any advice? I have his phone number and his address, but there is no way I could ever make first contact on the phone. There are a million things I want to say to him... and I want to let him know that he has a full blood 17 year old brother who would love to get to know him.

There are a million questions I have!!! All these years that I have been on the net, I have never once thought to look for birthparent support!

I am so glad I found this place

[sunshine-ditto]

As a birthmom, i understand your anxiety at reuniting with your child. Every situation is different and i don't want to rain on your parade, BUT one thing i was taught in counseling is not all adopted children want to find their birthparents and to be confident that if they don't find you it's because they are happy.

If you do feel a strong need to contact his family, i'd suggest making the phone call to his family when you would guess he won't be home to answer the phone (during a school day, for example). If' he's in a stable home with supportive parents you should be able to feel his parents out re: his feelings on meeting you.

You said it was an open adoption...was there still an agency you worked with? Can you contact them to see if they would contact his parents to confirm that all your information is in their hands?

Just take it slow...it's been 18 years to get where you are and a meeting won't happen overnight.

Good luck!

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by okiema

I half way expected a call or leter or something, but I haven't as of yet. Since I have his info, should I initiate contact? If so, do you have any advice? I have his phone number and his address, but there is no way I could ever make first contact on the phone. There are a million things I want to say to him... and I want to let him know that he has a full blood 17 year old brother who would love to get to know him.

Hello okiema and welcome to this place..

He may not be ready for contact.. Patience is my advice..

Jackie

[InBlindFaith]

Welcome okiema!!

Have patience, I know it's hard!! I have a daughter who is 18 and she is away at college. She is not ready to meet me yet...I'm hoping the "yet" won't be too long!! 18 is young, if there is no communication right now that doesn't mean he won't ever want to meet you...right now he might be busy with school. Stay busy and stay positive!! Just remember, you are not alone in waiting. You've come to a good spot, there's some great support here!! Also, join us for Birthparent chat on Wednesday Night 9:00 CST.

[kakuehl]

It feels like I've been sharing this a lot lately, my bson and his family have both said that had I contacted them when D was 18 or 21, I probably wouldn't have been welcomed into his life as quickly as I was last year when he was 33. I think it is a difficult time.. The birthparents have been waiting until the child is officially an adult and they can contact. The child is busy trying to figure out how to be an adult (and cut the apron strings tying them to home!) while the aparents are trying to deal with the "empty nest" and the child who is distancing him/herself from the family. The letter from the birthparent can easily feel threatening, even when that is not the intention.

Hang in there!

[Boodlesforou]

AS the mom of a 19 year old son, I can tell you, most teen young men could care less about anything related to "adults". Unless it's sports, cars, dangerous thrill seeking activities or girls their own age, they just don't really want to have any thing to do with it.
Give this some time. I'm sure his Adoptive mother feels like she wish she could get more from him too.
Let him have his "phase".

[Lisasue]

Kathy, wow, another thought, that is so helpful in helping with this reunion rollercoaster I am on. My bson's mom is having a horrible time coping with her son finding me again. I feel horrible, I never even considered the empty nest syndrome. I remember my mom going through that with us kids. His poor mom, her son is 20 and moving on, and then incomes his bmom. Omgosh! I never even thought!! I have had so many questions, and in one day I have had the answer to two of them. Thankyou so much!!

I love these forums.

Great Advice Kathy Kudos!!!