[happygmom]

My daughter decided against adoption and chose to parent her son after she discussed open adoption with our family attorney. She was nearly sold on the idea by agencies and a friend of the family as being the perfect solution to her unplanned pregnancy. The attorney was very frank about the risk that she was taking in losing contact with her son because the signed open adoption agreement was worthless in the courts. The agreement even stated that the adoptive parents could close the adoption for "the benefit of the child". That sounded darned menacing to her. The attorney advised her to consider it a closed adoption and get counseling based on the ramifications of a closed adoption.

Did the agencies discuss the risks with her? No, never.

Happy G'Ma

[merrill1277]

Originally Posted by happygmom

My daughter decided against adoption and chose to parent her son after she discussed open adoption with our family attorney. She was nearly sold on the idea by agencies and a friend of the family as being the perfect solution to her unplanned pregnancy. The attorney was very frank about the risk that she was taking in losing contact with her son because the signed open adoption agreement was worthless in the courts. The agreement even stated that the adoptive parents could close the adoption for "the benefit of the child". That sounded darned menacing to her. The attorney advised her to consider it a closed adoption and get counseling based on the ramifications of a closed adoption.

Did the agencies discuss the risks with her? No, never.

Happy G'Ma

Happy- thank God for an honest attorney. Who is the father of lies? the devil himself. Deceptive people should be outlawed from professional practice.

[Shellikin]

Originally Posted by germangrloh

It's always great to hear that there are some adoptions that are the way they are ment to be. As I have said prior I love and respect my son's family immensley and wouldnt change anything for the world. But it will always play in the back of my mind what if? I think that birthmothers and parents have that right of security in knowing the adoption will continue as intended. If you don't mind me asking what sort of agency did you go through, and what state do you live in?

I fully have to agree, there is always the what if. A lot can happen over 18 years. I go through what if's even with court documents... what if they back out and I can't afford a lawyer? What if they move and don't tell anyone at their agency where they went and we can't find them to even enforce anything? They're probably going through the same with me.

I found my adoptive parents through an agency that covers domestic adoptions in three states on the eastern side of the country. I was in Oklahoma (on the border of Arkansas) when the decision to adopt was made, and they sent out a lady from the agency immediately with profiles. The couple I picked out is from TN.

I live in New Mexico. I was only in OK to discuss the situation with my ex boyfriend. The Arkansas agency required that I get face to face counseling and talk with a lawyer before I could get officially matched up with the couple I had picked out, so they found an agency here. This agency deals mostly with international adoption but they have all the resources, etc for potential birth mothers.

Honestly, they never told me anything about the legalities surrounding open adoption... I talked with a friend of the family (who's a lawyer) and the lawyer that the agency provided, I asked them "I've heard horror stories about people cutting off contact, how can I prevent that?" Basically, the lawyer from the agency was working for me... not the adoptive parents, not the agency, me and she was constantly asking how comfortable I was with everything. Even she went over the alternative methods and asked me why I felt they were wrong for me and adoption was right, just to be sure. Both of the agencies I've dealt with have me on to talk with potential birth mothers about how things worked out with me (both the good and the bad -- only if they want to talk with a girl who's been through it and can give her insight, and I do feel that it would be unethical to try and push anyone into doing something that they wouldn't be comfortable doing) and to girls who are sure they're going the adoption route about how they don't have to sign anything they don't feel comfortable signing, they can change the documents to adhere to what makes them comfortable and they can have a minimum amount of contact.