[babyone]

I was talking with a friend of mine and we came upon a discussion. She said that paparents are "sad and pitiful" if they back out of a situation due to a child's health. I kinda want to know what bparents (or pbparents) think - using the situation of : you have picked parents for your child and have met them 1-2 times, matched for a couple of weeks - 2 months, and fully disclosed all health-related info that you know, if the child was born with a major medical condition, would you be angry at the paparents for backing out of the situation? (My stance is that, as difficult as it would be for everyone, the child should go to parents who will be able to love and care for them and if someone is unable to do that, good for them to admitting to it and giving the child a chance for a loving home with someone else.)

[InBlindFaith]

Well, I would appreciate knowing if the possible a-parents could not handle the emotions caring for a sick child. I wouldn't think they were "sad and pitiful". Some people have limitations and I would appreciate knowing up front if they were strong enough to take on that kind of responsibility. You can't fault them for being honest and knowing what they can and can not handle.

[carmel drake]

Hi I just noticed your post. I have just recently found this particular area of the forums.

I once read an article where a adoptive couple actually returned a baby boy after having him for a few months, because his medical bills cost them a lot. The baby had a heart condition. He eventually was adopted at the age of five from the foster care system.
I have also read articles where adoption agencies mislead adoptiing couples of the babies actual serious health conditions. Many of these couples took it to court seeking compensation.

I know this has nothing to do with your question but thought I'd pass on what I have read.

Personally I am all for kin care and only believe in adoption for the truly orphaned child. But to your question, the first thought I had was, when the girl or woman who changes her mind and keeps her child, I notice adoptive parents take it very hard and sometimes I hear them say " how could she" So I imagine a mother choosing parents for her child, may feel that way too. I have also read that some adoptive parents although sad are still able to understand why she changed her mind and stay hopeful that their turn will come.

Basically I think that adoption is such a serious decision for everyone and I would agree it is better for the child to be with the ones who will love that child unconditionally and who does know their limitations to what they can provide and what they can't. I believe whenever in doubt, don't.

I would have wanted my daughter to be with parents who would provide for her medically as well as emotionally. She was/is.

I think its ok to change ones mind, if many of us mother's had been listened to when we changed ours, our children would not be strangers to us today.

Sincerely Carmel

Originally Posted by babyone

I was talking with a friend of mine and we came upon a discussion. She said that paparents are "sad and pitiful" if they back out of a situation due to a child's health. I kinda want to know what bparents (or pbparents) think - using the situation of : you have picked parents for your child and have met them 1-2 times, matched for a couple of weeks - 2 months, and fully disclosed all health-related info that you know, if the child was born with a major medical condition, would you be angry at the paparents for backing out of the situation? (My stance is that, as difficult as it would be for everyone, the child should go to parents who will be able to love and care for them and if someone is unable to do that, good for them to admitting to it and giving the child a chance for a loving home with someone else.)

[Shellikin]

If the adoptive couple had decided they couldn't follow through with the adoption upon finding some sort of birth defect or medical condition, I probably would have felt a bit hurt (I picked them out at 2 1/2 months, by the end of the pregnancy, it felt more like a surrogacy than anything). But I couldn't have really held it against them, some people just can't deal with things like that.

They had made it a plan when they first applied to adopt that whenever they got matched up with someone, they'd treat that baby the same way they would if it was their own biological child, no matter what. They mentioned that when we were in the delivery room, waiting for me to dialate completely, it made me feel better about having picked them. And he did have a birth defect, albeit a small one.