[hope2bmommyagain]

We have a biological daugther whom I consider a miracle. We had started the process of domestic private adoption when I suprisingly got pregnant with her. She is now 3 1/2.


I have had to back to back miscarriages in 2006 and desperately want one more child to complete our family and give our daugther a sibling. Our first thought was to go back to domestic private adoption and contact our lawyer, start placing ads etc. Then I started to hear that many birthmothers don't choose couples with biological children because they are afraid they will love the bio child more than the adopted child (which is rediculous!). We are open to only caucasian and hispanic children.


We don't want to wait years for a birthmother to pick up and are considering international adoption. Can any birthmothers or potential birthmothers honestly tell me if this is true or am I mistaken? Would you be more inclined to pick a couple that has no bio children? Why? I feel that adoption has always been in my heart and just thinking about it makes me happy. I really appreciate your responses. I just want to make sure that if we choose the adoption route, we are realistic about our expectations and only birthmothers could tell us that.


Thanks,
Joanne

[janf]

ok being a bmom it wold not matter if you had bio children or not. I just wanted my children to have 2 loving parents that could love them and provide for them and give them a home that i could not do at that time. I do know they ended up having one bio child later down the road and that is ok

jan

[Patty-cake]

I would have no problem with it at all

[hollyhunter]

Yes, at the time I preferred that the couple have no bio children because I was afraid my child would be loved less. I know now I was wrong, at least in my case. My dd's parents gave birth a year later and my dd was just as loved as she would have been otherwise and she has a sister that she loves and loves her in addition to the parental and grandparent love. It is better that she not be an only child. Only children get a bit selfish. If you want to adopt domestically ,go for it. don't get caught up in preconceived notions as I did.

[lahdh4]

At the time and I still think it today, I wanted her to be the oldest and/or only child. It is just what I feel. I know that I am in the minority in that but after talking it over with the bdad that is what we wanted.

[BrandyHagz]

Would you be more inclined to pick a couple that has no bio children?

Yup - it was one of my requirements when placing. No bio-children, no hope of every having bio-children and proof from their Dr. was required.

Why?

Very bad personal experience as an adoptee adopted by a family who later went on to have a biological child.

[MommaKatja]

for me biological children wouldn't have necissarily ruled out a potential a-family but it would have been something I would have had to think about and weighed with all the other info.

[scarlet52698]

I would only consider parents that had already adopted a child. I wanted my son to have a sibling, although i don't think I would have picked them if they had bio kids. Soemthing about having a sibling that could understand being adopted was important to me.

I'm an adoptee and birthmother.

[hope2bmommyagain]

Thanks for all of your input-it's very insightful-hoping more birthmothers or potential birthmothers will post their point of view.

Thanks,
Joanne

[Jordan's bmom]

My agency informed me that my bsons aparents had a child of their own 2 yrs later, it scared me to death. I was sure that he would be cast aside. Now we are reunited and he tells me nothing is farther from the truth, he was just as loved as his brother.

bmom to Jordan 18
reunited 1/28/2006

[Birth4Mom3]

I don't think I would have chosen a couple who had, or could have bio children. That would make me just too uncomfortable for many of the reasons above.

I was however thrilled by the fact that my biodaughter would have a big sister - also adopted - when we found our couple.

It made me happy that not only would she have a big sister close in age, but a big sister who would understand being adopted and that she could share her heart with as they grew up together.

[Free_to_be_me]

When I was searching for a family, one of my criteria was that they have no other children. I wanted her to be "most important" for at least a little while. I also wanted her to have siblings...eventually. I ended up interviewing two families. One of them did already have another child. We eventually chose the family without children, but the child (in the other family) had nothing to do with that. If the family with the child had been a better match than the family we chose, the child would not have been a deal breaker. So, basically, even though I wanted my birthdaughter to be the oldest child in the family, it didn't stop me from considering families with children, just in case they were the right match.

[Claire Romm]

My choice was to have my child be in an established family who planned to have even more children. HOW the family's children 'got there' was not a consideration. Being the eldest child, and grandchild, I was adamant my child not be the oldest or youngest (I only have one younger sibling, a brother).
I did not want my child to grow up the caretaker of younger siblings nor to be the 'beginner experiment'. I wanted parents who already knew, from experiance, that children were important and worthwhile to have... I wanted them to have made some mistakes and learned better... as Oprah says "when you know better, you do better".
I just wanted the BEST for my child. I knew life with me wouldn't be it; but, maybe, a two parent home could be.

[TheDobergirl]

As a someone considering adopting out my baby due in january, I am less concerned with whether the potential parents had other children or planned to so much as their openness to love whatever race baby I gave birth to. Why are you open only to a caucasian or hispanic child?

Lets say, hypothetically, that i was unsure of the birth father, and that he could be any one of the various men I had know at the time of conception. Would you only be interested if the baby turned out to be white or hispanic? The parents who adopt my child (if that's what I do end up choosing) will have unbounding and unconditional love for this baby, regardless of race or any imperfections it may have.
Liz

For the record, I know who exactly who the father is

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by TheDobergirl

For the record, I know who exactly who the father is

Not sure what this has to do with anything...