[mom2GRLC]

How would you feel if you found out your child that you placed for adoption never celebrated their birthday. Instead their family celebrated their gothca day or adoption day?

I think if I was in that situation I would be sooooo angry. But that is just me. I'm curious how you might feel?

[taramayrn]

You betcha I'd be pissed...but hopefully that sort of thing would have come up pre placement.

[mom2GRLC]

I guess since the parents agreed to an open adoption this sort of thing wouldn't come up....but what if it did?

I mean....what's the difference between that and changing the childs name? Well, I know the difference. I understand the reasons for changing a name....I've changed all my kids names....but I just don't see the reasons for not celebrating the childs birthday? That's just crazy to me.

I don't know this subject has really caught my attention.
I've heard of it before for international adoption when the childs birthday was not really known....but not for domestic-adoption or foster-adoption.???

[Poleczech]

I cannot imagine NOT celebrating my child's birthday -- what a wonderful day to just let slip by unnoticed. And "gotcha day?" I think I have issues with that term. But that's another thread.

[lahdh4]

I would be so ticked off that words couldn't even begin to describe it. I mean really -- why wouldn't they celebrate the day the child was born.

Another one with major issues with Gotcha Day.

[Tigger27]

I second what the others said. I would be very upset as well if they didn't celebrate the child's birthday and also have issues with "Gotcha day" terminology.

[mom2GRLC]

I only use the term "gotcha" because that is what I've heard that day called on these forums. I don't really picture it as a negative thing....more like when I chase my two year old around and pick her up and tickle her and give her a hug and kiss saying "gotcha". But I can see how it can be viewed negatively. in my kids own scrapbook i don't use that term....I use "My first day" or something like that.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Ticked off to no end.

I also dislike the term "gotcha day."

[crick]

Why would anyone not celebrate their child's birthday? Has nothing to do with adoption in my mind..it's celebrating the day they were born and another year of life. Uh...that's just wrong.

[Mandy4President]

I was just wondering...do they actually not celebrate the child's birthday at all? Like not even mention it? Or do they just celebrate gotcha day (which, by the way, I don't have issues with. What else would you call it?) as much as they celebrate the birthday? I was just trying to clarify because I can't imagine them actually not celebrating the child's birthday! If that's the case then that is terrible.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

It would depend.. if they didnt celebrate the birthday for that reason.. because they prefer the other day, then yes.. I would be mad.

If they simply did not celebrate birthdays.. no I wouldnt be.

[BoxerLady6]

If they celebrated Gotcha Day....yes. That word makes me want to puke....even if I wasn't a bmom.

If they just didn't celebrate their birthday.....no.
I'm still thinking about how I feel about birthday celebrations period. I don't have child that I parent so I don't deal with it directly. I don't know if like celebrating certain special days....holidays included. To me you should make every day special. And I think there is so much importance put on money spent instead of what the true meaning is. Still mulling over how I feel about this.

[mom2GRLC]

Re: celebrating holdays/birthdays in general

I agree to a certian extent. I do think these (holidays) are too commercialized....it seems like as soon as we get done with one holiday we have yet another one. I'm not really complaining....I think holidays are good, BUT I do believe they could be better if the focus was off the material things and more on the actual event...or just time spent with family. We have actually made a new rule for ourselves for this year....we are only spending a certian amount of money on birthdays or other holidays like christmas. With all our recent adoptions we really have been going over board on "buying" so MUCH.

Now that we have kids.....what messages do we want to send our kids???? LOVE and TOGETHERNESS is much more important and memorable then a huge party with lots of gifts.

So thanks for your comments....it does get me thinking... we might need to come up with some new family traditions for holidays and special days.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Im with you two. I have minimized bday and christmas hugely (cant completely eliminate-- though I would like to). It is just a reason for them to beg for things. I refuse to let her make any kind of a list begging for things that she wants.

Cant deal. My head explodes. If you want to get her something.. go ahead.. but she will not give you a beg list and anything barbie or barbie like is barred (too many...)

Im mean.

But really she has tons of stuff as it is..

Bleh. I mean.. yeah.. acknowledge... cake and ice cream great.. but dont be a beggar. I have a hard time with people who celebrate "them".

Like this guy from HS recently threw himself this GIANT birthday bash to celebrate his existance.. then had the gall to complain about the people who didnt bring gifts...

Come again? Bleh. Ok now Im gossiping. Stepping off the soap box. Just worked up.

[BoxerLady6]

Slightly OT...not birthdays...but holidays.
Next year me and my hubby want to go camping for Christmas. Yes, camping. lol. Guess how many people will be out there? None! We LOVE having big bon fires and figure the park rangers won't even bother us on that day. We just want to make a memory for his son other than just getting presents. I have bugged my family for YEARS to cut out Christmas and do something memoriable instead.