[katlyn]

I want to get this to her before her birthday or on it. This is the letter, can you please give me any advise or let me know if this is appropriate? Also,should I send pics of my three children, I don't have a current one of me that doesn't look aweful? Or should I just send the one of the kids or none at all?

the letter..
her name,

Happy Birthday. Wow, you were born twenty years ago, April 28th, 1986. I'm sure you are wondering who could know that about you. My name is My name, ------ is my maiden name and I'm your birthmother.

I am hoping that I might answer any question's you might have. Maybe some about our family medical background, or anything else that you might like to know. Likewise, I would love to learn about you too.

My life is pretty ordinary, I didn't go to college, but I did finish High School. My favorite class in school was art, and I love to read in my spare time. I have been married for ten years, and we have three children. Katlyn is 9 and loves to play soccer, Travis is 3 and all boy, then there is Caleb and he's 7 months.

Enough about me for now, because what I'd really love right now is to know you. Are you in college? What do you like to do in your spare time? I'm not expecting anything, but I am hoping to maybe get a recent picture of you. The last one that I recieved,you were 6 months old. Your parents seemed like wonderful people and I would imagine you are going to go to them wit this letter. I can understand that.

I know this is a shock for you, and I understand if you take awhile to respond. I am hoping that you can find it in you to respond to this letter. If you feel more comfortable writing, then please do so, otherwise, I am including my number with this as well, call anytime. I am looking forward to hearing from you with much anticipation.

Always,
My Name

My address
My #


Any help will be greatly appreciated!

[merrill1277]

Hi Katlyn,
I think your letter is very thoughtful and upbeat. I myself would hold off on pics of your children for now. I just think that initially the focus should be on her and you. But that's only my thought.
When are you going to send it?
Merrill

[kakuehl]

Hi Katlyn,
Do you have a way to get a pic of you taken? I suspect that she will be much more interested in seeing you than your kids. I contected my bson's adad first, giving them all my info. When the aparents gave son the info, he immediately went to my website and found my picture. He told me later that he was delighted to find someone he looks like. A pic of you 20 years ago as well as one today (even if you think it's horrible!) would probably mean alot to her.
Blessing on you as you begin the roller coaster of reunion!
Kathy

[janiej]

Hi Katlyn~~
I agree with the others on holding off sending pics of your other children right away. This is going to be a shock to her, and you need to concentrate on just you and her right now.
Also, my opinion only, but in the letter, I would remove the phrase " are you in college". I just think it may intimidate her if she isn't. Maybe she might think you will think less of her or something. Again, just my opinion.

Are you sure this is the way you want to approach this first contact ? I am not trying to discourage you by any means, but this reunion thing can be really difficult, and she is so very young. I would love to see you lay some groundwork first.
If you don't mind, may I ask if you have had any contact with her aparents ? Would it be possible to go through them ? Or even a third party ?

I do want to wish you both the very best, and am sending my most positive thoughts that you two will soon be able to start on this amazing journey.
God Bless you.
Jane

[katlyn]

I was told by a relative that her amom might not be too receptive to me, so I thought it best to just write to my daughter. I would have tried to call, but I only had a cell number and it was her amoms phone. Unfortunately, I didn't have alot of options. She was adopted by my best friends aunt and even though they told me she was my daughter, they didn't want to be involved in helping me make contact. I didn't know how else to go about it. I didn't send any pictures though, my mind was so intent on getting it right and getting it in the mail today that I forgot. Thank you all so much for your advise, it's been so very helpful.

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Katlyn, I hope you are doing okay. I know that this whole journey is not easy, by any means. I am praying that you get a welcoming and positive response from your birthdaughter.

Katlyn, I remember writing a letter when my birthson was 19 and 1/2, and I agonized over it. Since he was under 21, the agency, Catholic Charities, had me write the letter to his parents. Either way, I know the intensity and sensitivity of what you've just gone through, in writing the letter. Please know that I am hoping and praying that you recieve the news that you are hoping for.

I had a few folks here read the letter that I wrote, many times before I sent it! Isn't this place great?

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by katlyn

I was told by a relative that her amom might not be too receptive to me, so I thought it best to just write to my daughter. I would have tried to call, but I only had a cell number and it was her amoms phone. Unfortunately, I didn't have alot of options. She was adopted by my best friends aunt and even though they told me she was my daughter, they didn't want to be involved in helping me make contact. I didn't know how else to go about it. I didn't send any pictures though, my mind was so intent on getting it right and getting it in the mail today that I forgot. Thank you all so much for your advise, it's been so very helpful.

Now the waiting begins...I found it scary waiting for a reply (and I emailed the adad and then waited, first for a reply from him and then for a contact from my bson.) Is the relative a person who could act as a go between? Bson's amom said that had I contacted them when he was 21, she's not sure she would have told him. (He was 33 when we connected.)

I will keep you in my prayers.
Kathy

[katlyn]

This place is wonderful, I just wish I had found it a long time ago. The responses that I've gotten have been just unbelievably helpful. I am truly greatful that I've found the support and guidance I need, and it's nice to know that you and other birthparents out there have been through similar situations. Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts. You didn't say, how did things go when you wrote your letter?

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Hi Katlyn. In my letter to Jim's parents, I asked them for non-identifying information. Jim was of legal age, and I was afraid that he had gone into the military among other things, and my mind just went off with a bunch of scary scenarios. In any event, once his parents knew of my letter, (I went through Catholic Charities for all of this), they talked to Jim immediately. They wanted him to decide what he wanted to do. He decided that he wanted to meet me. Within days we had each other's email addresses, and began emailing. We met at my house, Jim, his mom, dad and 92 year-old grandmother came. It was magical. I have a son and daughter and my husband, and everyone got along great. They stayed for 7 hours! A few folks here at the forum were waiting and waiting to hear from me. Since then, things have been fantastic. His parents and grandmother are amazing. He is beyond words. The kids act as if they've known each other for years and years, it's too funny. It really has been like a dream, I'm very blessed. It happened at the right time for everyone, I think.

Anything I can do to help, just ask away. I am more than happy to answer any questions you have. How are you feeling now that you've mailed your letter?

[katlyn]

I'm so happy that it all worked out for you. I can only hope that mine comes close to that. I am on a roller coaster of emotions right now I think. I am thrilled to have found her and for being able to send her the letter. I am scared to death and excited beyond words at what the outcome of her recieving her letter. I'm trying to prepare myself, but really as with anything else, you can never be truly prepared. I can honestly say though, if she decides not to meet me or to have a relationship with me, of course it will hurt terribly, but just knowing where she is and that she's ok, is the biggest weight off of me. I'm just leaving it all in God's hands right now. Thank you for your story, it is definitely an inspiration.

[eastendmommy]

Hi Katlyn!

I'm thinking of you today, while your letter is enroute to your Bdaughter! Tomorrow's her big day...I know it will be a hard day for you, it always is, isn't it? Hang in there and I hope you receive a great response to it!

I can only IMAGINE what it will be like for her to get your card on her birthday! Man, I hope it's positive!!!

Keep us in the loop!

Hugs, Tammi

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Originally Posted by katlyn

I am scared to death and excited beyond words at what the outcome of her recieving her letter. I'm trying to prepare myself, but really as with anything else, you can never be truly prepared.

Sounds like such familiar feelings, Katlyn. Remember to take good care of yourself, eat and rest as best you can. In all the excitement, anticipation, worry, sometimes we put ourselves last!

Originally Posted by katlyn

I can honestly say though, if she decides not to meet me or to have a relationship with me, of course it will hurt terribly, but just knowing where she is and that she's ok, is the biggest weight off of me. I'm just leaving it all in God's hands right now.

It is huge to find out that their okay and doing well, huge, and answer to years of prayers. Your faith will be an enormous help to you now, IMO. Also, stay here and post, we are here to listen and help as best we can. I'm praying.