[katlyn]

I found my daughter April 10th 2005, strange situation actually. As it turns out, my daughter was adopted by my best friends aunt. I was given information which led me to ask my best friend some questions and she confessed, through many tears that she's known for the past twenty years where my daughter is. My dilemma is this, my friend gave me an address and a phone number. The number is the amoms, and I would prefer not to speak with her, since my daughter is now an adult. My intentions are to write her a letter. However, my friend is worried that somehow she could get into some sort of legal trouble for giving me this information. Her husband is telling her that my searching for my daughter is not legal, and that if my daughter were to search for me that wouldn't be. I'm so confused, my friend tried to get her brother and mother to help, and both refused to get involved, even though they all have been involved, just by knowing where my daughter has been all these years and not telling me. I don't want to get my friend into any trouble, but I want to write to my daughter. Can someone please tell me what I should do? Will or can my friend get into trouble for giving me this information? I'm desperate to make that first contact with my daughter, any advise would be a lifesaver right now. Thank you so much for all your help!

[adoptionsearchblog2]

As far as I know, it is not illegal to search for a birth family member whether it is an adoptee or a birth parent. People all over the country are searching for birth family. If it would make you feel better though, check with a family law attorney who knows the adoption laws in your state.

You said that your daughter is an adult. Is she legally an adult in your state? Do you know if she knows that she is adopted? That is important for you to know. I am not an attorney, but, I have never heard of anyone getting in trouble for telling a birth mother where her child is.

If you want to write to your daughter, I think you should. Prepare yourself a bit first though so that you have some idea of what to expect and how best to handle a possible reunion. Find an adoption support group in your area or a good adoption therapist if possible.

Lastly, come read our my blog and my blogging partner Karen for some info about reunion. Good luck!

[Montraviatommyg]

As far as I know it's not illegal either from what I've read on the forums either. The law is a bit different in where I live BUT it is still legal although contact should really be done through an intermediary (I'm British ) but not everybody does that in reality. Go for it and I send my best wishes to you. Your friend had courage for telling you so I am happy for you she did.

Pip

[katlyn]

My daughter will be twenty this year, so yes she is legally an adult. The adoption took place in Texas, we both still live here. My best friend said that she does know she's adopted, I thought writing would be less invasive than calling her. I don't want to put her on the spot by calling. I thought since this Friday is her birthday I'd send her a card with a brief note in it, no idea what or how to say it though. I also thought I'd include a picture or two, one of me maybe from when she was born, and then one of me now with my kids and my husband. Do you think it is wrong of me to send it to her on her birthday, and if I do, should I wish her a happy birthday? This is all so hard, I had no idea finding my daughter would cause so much turmoil, I thought it would be a fairy tale type ending I suppose. Wow, was I so wrong, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride that just won't end . Thanks again for any advice!

[eastendmommy]

Hi Katlyn.

YES!!! Send her a card, acknowledge her birthday, and leave your contact information with her. It is NOT illegal for your friend to give you her address...and her husband has absolutely no idea what he's talking about...

It seems that so many adoptees wonder if we even remember their birthdays, so I think opening up your dialogue on that day is appropriate. Better hurry and get it in the mail for Friday!!! Keep us updated, please!!

Hugs, Tammi