[MicahsMom2004]

My son will be 1 YOA on Sunday (the 14th) and his birthfather now wants to give up his rights. He claims he doesn't have any legal rights, so he can't go before a judge and do the proper legal process. I told him that is BS, b/c he claimed him verbally and has been paying child support, albiet very little. Any advice out there?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Yep simple. File papers to terminate his rights!!! He doesnt have to claim rights to have them.. but you are right paying support is the same. So he is at least a putative father. If he were to go to court to ask for rights... it would count.. so it counts to terminate also.

Why does he want to terminate his rights...and are you ok with that?

[MicahsMom2004]

I am okay with it. Unfortunately, it was a one night stand...yes, I know....anyway, he's decided he wants to marry some girl he's been dating for about three months now. He's very selfish. He actually asked me how my son woud fit in when he got married...and when I got married. He was really excited when Micah was born, and helped out some at first, then started to taper off and make excuses why he couldn't see him, then he started blaming me, and so on. When I first told him I was pregnant, he told me to tell the baby he died in an Air Force plane crash (he is at the Air Force Academy and I am active duty) and he didn't want anything to do with him. He's not on the birth certificate either. Also, do you know the process for changing a child's middle name? It is the BF family name and I don't want it for him if he doesn't want the responsibility? I think I can call the county clerk and find out too.

[Isabo]

MicahsMom2004,

It sounds like your son's father wants to terminate his obligation to your son rather than his rights (ie. he doesn't want to be obligated to pay child support). Is this taking place in Tennessee? Is there someone, such as a step-parent, who is wanting to adopt your child or would this leave your son without a father?

[ddhuab]

he can work with you to relinquish his rights if you file with a court for termination (which the court can grant), but he cannot pursue it on his own... otherwise MANY "deadbeat dads" or other biological fathers who want little or nothing to do with their children would "terminating their own rights" left and right.

If you want him to continue paying child support, he will have to continue paying child support; still, you cannot force him to interact with the child and be a real DAD. I would not "reward" his behavior out of spite and frustration, though. Unless you don't need the support and/or you have a spouse that wants to adopt your child, I would not allow him to terminate his rights (unless he tries some retaliation that could harm your child). No matter what papers are filed, you can't erase the past nor your child's biological link to this man. I wouldn't even change the middle name. Your child may one day be greatful for whatever link he does have to his biological father.

D.

[MicahsMom2004]

No, there is no one to adopt my son right now. However, I am being deployed to Iraq in Dec. and want, if something should happen to me, I want my sister and her husband to adopt my son. They have twin boys who are five weeks older, and he will be staying with my family in TN while I am gone.
Currently, this would leave him without a father. I am not going to get married just to anyone.
I was told by the adoption agency that most judges would not grant him the request, as it would leave Micah w/o a father, but if he wants out...what am I to do? I honestly want him to go..he's done nothing but give me grief, and I have been nice for over a year now. He refuses to come to Micah's party this weekend. I'm tired of dealing with him, and as our values are completely different, I don't want him to try to come after Micah when he grauates. As long as I am in the military, I have him over a barrel. He is so concerned about his career he is not even willing to try to see Micah, as it would be "too risky" Ridiculous if you ask me.