[4everyellowskz]

For any bmom that went through an agency, is there something the agency you worked with could have done or given after placement that would have been appropriate, i.e. sending a thinking of you card. Aside from just a follow-up call from the agency. Even if you're not a bmom, I'd like to hear any suggestions.

Thanks,

Jacqui

[BrandyHagz]

Offered post-placement counseling as needed...rather than just for the first few weeks.

It can take years for the pain to show itself...so, in my opinion, post placement counseling shouldn’t have an expiration date.

I would have been offended by a thank you card or gift…

[scarlet52698]

Post placement counseling!

[Tigger27]

The agency I went through gives the birthmoms a gift basket. It contains a soft blanket for you to wrap up in, a manicure set, lotion, a chick flic type of movie, scrapbooking materials, a poem about adoption, a candle, and just some things that a woman who had just had a baby would enjoy during their recooperating time period.

It was kind of like a basket full of things for pampering yourself with more than anything. Oh and there was also a box of tissues and a blank journal to write feelings, emotions and thoughts in and a soft, cuddly teddy bear. Of course, there were various, different things in each basket that they had to give to the birth mothers.

Also they didn't send it to the birthmothers, they gave the birthmoms the option of taking one and picking their own out of the selection there was to choose from, if the birthmom wanted one.

Just an idea that the agency I went through has recently done.

Anne

[Montraviatommyg]

I didn't get anything at all from the agency but felt/still feel I should have been offered counselling after placement. Instead I was expected to just get on with my life and forget about my son .

Pip

[birthmothersofn]

Hello

yes i went though a agency 15 yrs ago for my son adoption.I am still very active w/. them due to cause i run a support group for ** here in nh.i have a website i do on line things w/ birthmom i do a chat everywk to
[Edited to remove URL]


tracy

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Id be more interested in getting more appropriate information BEFORE placement.

After? Well.. they had a support group ... then my counselor left and it all fell apart. There was nothing and no one even knew where to get any resources (turns out there arent many here).

There is something... (and this is unusual-- so hold your breath) that I thought that one agency that I hate did well... they have a yearly get together.... picnic type thing.... for adoptive families/adoptees/birthparents who have used their services to all get together.... I think that is a great way to show others that is isnt to taboo to have a birthparent in your life. Really seeing it face to face rather than just hearing about the concept and thinking it is weird...

[MajaHedman]

I donate gift baskets with handmade goodies in them to the agency we placed through. The biggest thing for me though has been the ongoing counselling. A year later and I know I can still call and talk to my counsellor if I am having a bad adoption day. That is more important to me than anything else.

[Tigger27]

Also to add here, I did have post placement counseling offered to me through the agency I used that was very helpful to me. The agency I went through also has regular birthparent support groups twice a month that I attend and I have the option of contacting a counselor to talk to whenever I am having a bad day or emotional breakdown now or anytime in the future.

Anne

[4everyellowskz]

It seems like there is lack of resources across the board, which is common but I really appreciate all of your feedback. I think what I hate most is that many times once a woman has signed it's done and over with, which I think is horrible. I've found that a lot of woman are not interested in post-placement counseling (which surprised me) following placement but I think it would be very beneficial to have it in place with the option to go at anytime should they change their mind. I agree the door should always be open.

One thing that I think is really special for a bmom to receive after placement is a copy of the original birth certificate. I have found that many women don't realize they can have a copy and are very interested once they know I can get them one. I always request two and send one to them. One day after sending it off to a girl who had placed approximately 4 weeks prior said she was having a really bad day when she got her mail that day and the birth certificate was there. She called me and thanked me b/c it really made her day. (She had requested that I order her one.) I think it's partly about validating their child's birth.

Vital Statistics once said to me, "She gave the baby up. Why does she want a copy of the birth certificate." I told her she still gave birth to her child and deserved to have a record of it. She was kinda surprised but she needed to know that we don't just walk away as if it never happened. Some people just need to be educated.

[Montraviatommyg]

With regard to the OBC that is where British birth mothers are fortunate as we automatically get that after registering our child's birth. The system here is that good that I applied for a replacement OBC as my son asked me for it but unfortunately my copy had been stolen years ago. I sent the form to the registry office as I live 250 miles away from where I had my son and where he was adopted on a Wednesday. On the Thursday I had a phone call to confirm I was whom I claimed to be .... she just wanted to know I knew he was adopted so she also was given his name now. On the Friday morning I received the replacement OBC which I sent off to my son timing it so he would receive it by his birthday. What made it so special was that when someone sends off for a replacement BC/OBC it usually takes 7-14 days to receive it. Obviously it is much quicker applying in person.

Pip

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I've found that a lot of woman are not interested in post-placement counseling (which surprised me)

This is true... With both agencies that I worked with (the one I placed through, and the one I went to support group at), there were very few women who would go to the support groups after placement.

And then later... once the shock wears off and you need it or want it... it may no longer be there to use. From what I have seen the post placement counseling is use it or lose it.

I think in many situations... not just this one... it takes a while for people to realize they need help and then longer to get the courage up to ask for it.

[BrandyHagz]

I agree with Christine, which is why I said what I did about counseling be available for more than a few weeks.

Just from viewing the forums for several years and talking to other birthmothers, I know it can sometimes take years for the intense pain to surfuce and when it does, in many cases, there are no resources for them.

[mylovebug]

That is a really cool thing that the agency does about the picnic get together. Did you attend and if so, did it help? It soundslike an agency that I know of that is out of Ga. What is the name of the agency if you don't mind me asking? Hopefully you are finding the counseling that you needed or you atleast find others to talk to that you can relate to and encourage each other.