[katierow]

I am going to be enduced on Wednesday, 2/16 and I am scared to death. I am certain that the adoption is the best thing for the daughter I am bringing into this world, but I had no idea how hard it would be. Actually I have no idea how much harder it will be after I actually give birth. My adoption is very open, I love the adoptive parents. I am uncertain about how I want things to go at the hospital. I want to hold the baby and spend as much time with her before I am discharged. I want the adoptive mom to spend time with the baby as well, but I feel that is my time.
I really just need some encouragement that I will get through this.
Thanks, Katie
katierow@knolgoy.net

[numbr1dbcksfan]

While you are making the final decision to place... yes, this is YOUR time. Actually...it ALL is your time. You dont have to even sign the minute you get out of the hospital...or the minute the time limitation is up. Take ALL of the time that you need to make a choice that you are SURE about. There is no need to have the potential parents at the hospital if you are uncomfortable with that. Just remember if you end up placing...they will have the rest of the childs life. The time that you need...is not too much to grant you.

((HUG))

Side note: dont be afraid to take the epidural

Christine

[katie_bear1983]

Katie! I am Katie too! I second the epidural! My advice to you is to take your time. Allow yourself to be happy and sad. Say hello to your sweet baby - before you say goodbye. If you chose adoption - the adoptive mother will have all the time in the world to spend with your precious baby. So do what is best for you.

[DanielleSU]

Katie,

My situation sounds very similar, I did not know how I wanted things at the hospital beforehand. The adoptive parents were at the hospital when my son was born but they gave me as much space as I needed. I spent two days with my son after he was born before he went home with his aparents. Ifound it much more difficult than I ever expected to let him go after two days of bonding but I wouldn't trade those two days for the world. I tried to make every minute count just soak it all in it is so surreal.
I found watching the aparents with "ur son to be more difficult than expected as well. I am also very close with them and love them to death but seeing them hold him, feed him ... was very hard and something I could not watch easily. But because they cared about what I was going through regardless of how excited and happy they are initially. It is YOUR time and they should respect that (my aparents did and I think it made it a little easier for me to watch them take him home from the hospital knowing that they gave me my time alone)
If you want to talk further or have question feel free to ask it is a very scary time but you will find you are so much stronger than you think and the fact that you care so much about your child you are making this sacrifice should bring you peace

[SchmennaLeigh]

Katie,

Use the time in the hospital for you. Do not worry about the adoptive family. This is YOUR time with YOUR child. You are the one and only mother at this point in time, so make the most of it.

As for things in the hospital, if anyone (staff) says anything to offend you, report them to the head nurse immediately. It will be taken care of in short order.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Take that one further. Dont tell them anything about the adoption plan or considering adoption. It is none of their business.

Dont mention it to the picture people either... someone had that happen to them...then they were not able to get their pictures!!!!

Crazy stuff. But little things you should be aware of...

[LisaCA]

hi katie,

I speak from the perspective of an aparent (dd is 7 months old) and I second what's been said here.

you may be pressured to put together a hospital plan, a sort of guide to what you want to have happen in the hospital. That includes things like whether you want the aparents in the hospital with you, in the room while you are giving birth, etc. That's fine to do, but keep in mind that you can change your mind about this hospital plan at any time. If after giving birth you want a day or so alone with your child, that's your right, no matter what the hospital plan you worked out says. And as these other folks have said, do what you need to do, what's best for you and your child.

I will always treasure the knowledge of the time our bmom spent with her/our daughter. She had 2.5 days, spent mostly with dd and her family around her. I arrived and popped in to say hi the day before, and spent the last hospital day there with bmom and dd. I was there on and off and for the most part talked to family members. I did not hold dd much at all-it wasn't my time. I have a lifetime to hold her and wanted to step back and let them spend time with dd. what was in the back of my mind was that dd wasn't mine yet. If bmom later decided to parent, then I wanted her hospital time to be a positive experience without regrets. She breastfed dd, held her, took great care of her. I saw bmom's friends hold dd, baunts, bparents, etc. While it was nice to see, I did not need to be there and ducked out frequently with excuses to give them time alone (lunch, bathroom, talk to nurses). And it made it easier for me to take dd with me, knowing that her bfamily all had time with her. so do what you need to do and don't worry about the aparents.

and as someone who has never given birth, I agree with the epidural, for what it's worth. but then again, I have nitrous to have my teeth cleaned .

best of luck to you and your little one,

LisaCA

[kcmomma75]

BE greedy with your time..it is YOUR time!!!! My daughter ap' were not at the hospital until I left..then I went back 2 days straight to see her..I spent hours with her each time......DO NOT allow ANYONE to hurry you along!!! stand your ground...sometimes that is the decieding factor wither you keep or surrender.

[catfish]

Katie,
How are you doing? I just gave birth to a baby girl on Valentine's Day, so I feel a lot of empathy for you. I too was extremely worried about how things would be after the birth. Do you have people in your life who support you? I have found family and friends to be a comfort, even though they don't truly understand what I'm going through. Hang in there. I feel for you.
Tam

[brknhrt19]

Hello Katie,
When I gave birth to my son I felt the same way, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible in the hospital, but also wanting the adoptive mom to spend time with him. However; your right...that IS your time and it IS okay for you to spend time being the only "mother" in the room. She''ll have plenty of time to get aquainted with your little girl later. I am glad you have a very open adoption and I wish you, your daughter, and the adoptive parents the best.
Aubrey

[kalie3]

Katie,
I went through the same thing you are about to experience. I was induced also, and i also grew very close to the adoptive parents. Before i was induced i continously thought about how much i wanted things to go in the hospital. I decided that i wanted the baby in the room with me as much as it could be. I spent as much time as i could with it and i talked to him a lot. I also had the adoptive parents in the room for about 45 mins. a day after i had him. They gave me as enough space as i wanted, and they understood i wanted my alone time wtih him, becuase this was the only time i would have alone with him. Do what you feel will make you feel most comfortable, and if you decide not to have the adoptive parents visit you at all while you are in the hospital, or during those three days, i know they will understand. This is your time with your daughter, so do what you feel you want to do. God Bless. -kalie

[Olvia]

i know how you feel. I was enduced on 2/10/05. I had my baby girl at 9:20pm that night. I really did not want the parents to-be to be there. But i decided that they can come on the last day at the hospital almost before i was discharged because i wanted to see i they would be with her. Although my heart was breaking as i saw them with her. But that made me realize that i was making the right decision. I saw how much they actually loved her. When i saw her birthmother actually cry over her and kept hugging me and kissing me on the cheek i made me feel at ease because i could see the love she was going to have. The worst thing though was when it was time for me to say bye to her. i just broke down and fell to my knees. I am still hurting like crazy and i think i will continue hurting until we meet again. So i know how you feel because i am right there with you if you did end up placing your child. You can email me if you want. I will send you a private message with me email.

[carolynscalise]

Katie,
There is nothing easy about this. You are blessed to have a famiky willing to be open about the adoption. I wish you all the best.