[VKH]

what do I need to know? I keep hearing that I need to be educated about my decision and that I need to be informed of the emotional reprecussions of my decision.

What I would like to know from you bmoms is how can I make this transition in the healthiest way possible? How should I prepare myself for the next two weeks, the hospital, and the next month afterwards?

So far I have had support with my family, the aparents, and through message boards.

Thank you for any replies!!

Vanda

[michellemartin]

http://www.birthmombuds.com/hospital.htm

That is a link to get a hospital action plan. I had one, and it went much more smoothly. It is of course subject to change, so if you change your mind about ANYTHING in the hospital, its OK! Its just a general guide so the nurses know what to expect.

I had a hard time getting hospital photo's so make sure you can easily get them if you want them. Otherwise, all for me went okay. I also pm'd you earlier this week. Hope you got it!

Good luck!

[karenlynp]

Just an FYI, our daughter Cala's birthmom was never even offered the opportunity to order hospital photos. We are not sure why the nurses didn't offer this to her or her family. It took us about 10 months to get Cala's hospital photos because the photography company required a copy of our finalization papers and a letter from our attorney. We felt bad that it took so long, but we were eventually able to give the birth family hospital photos. We had very few pictures (taken with our own camera) at the hospital because we tried to respect the families' desire for privacy, so we waited for a long time anxiously for hospital pix.

Just wanted to warn you that it may take awhile, or you may have to be a little aggressive about getting the hospital staff to help you order pictures.

[Jackiejdajda]

VKH wrote..What I would like to know from you bmoms is how can I make this transition in the healthiest way possible? How should I prepare myself for the next two weeks, the hospital, and the next month afterwards?

Let the grief happen.. Stand up for yourself.. This is when you have power..

Ask for support.. Heck demand it.. Know you are doing something that is very difficult..

Trust your inner judgments.. I knew when I gave my son up.. I knew it was supposed to happen.. I just wish I had of demanded the support I needed at that very difficult time..

Or expect the love from the oness who love you.. I don't think I thought I had a right to it.. I was causing so much trouble..
But that is what love is all about.. Isn't it..

Jackie

[VKH]

My mom and sister will be taking lots of pics with their cameras. I won't be ordering any from the hospital. Too much $$$.

Thanks for the tip though!!

[Jackiejdajda]

karenlynp wrote..We are not sure why the nurses didn't offer this to her or her family.

Those nurses

They still do the control thing I see.. They did not let me see my baby.. And they had no problem with me being put next to (after the delivery) a woman who was properly married and was having joy with her baby..

You restore my faith.. How kind you are to think of the birthmom and family.

God bless..

Jackie

[mtlover]

God Bless you!!! I will pray for you. Take every minute of time you want with your child and don't forget that your baby is your baby until you decide!

Much love and prayer!

Kim

[BrandyHagz]

Incase you haven't seen it, you can look at the Birthmother's Bill Of Rights for more information.

[A.Lynne]

The hospital was the hardest thing for me. I was in one for six days then transfered to another for two days so I had lots of nurses. Not all of them knew about the adoption and were snotty. But there were two that were angels and so kind.

Make sure your needs are met. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can decide who sees you and who sees the baby. It is your time to bond.

I had a little of the same thing as Jackie. I had preeclampsia so I had a seperate room but the last night I was moved into a room and then another woman came who had just had a baby. It was really hard, I started sobbing. Not because she was happily married and had a baby but because she got to see him. Cameron was over a hundred miles away in a different hospital. Can you get a private room?

The first month after Cam was born wasn't the hardest for me. It was the second month. After everything had settled down and life had gotten back to "normal". My "missing Cam moments" have started to slow down again. I love him to bits and pieces but I know he is doing good.

Hope everything is going well!

[VKH]

I've heard nothing but great things about the hospital I'm delivering at. It is a smaller hospital. I will have my own birthing suite which I'm very happy about. I can't imagine sharing a room with someone else that is happy and keeping their baby. I sure don't need that rubbed in my face at that time.

Thank you ladies for your replies. Michelle, I finally got that email sent to birthmom buds and am just waiting to here back from them. I will send you my address soon, I promise!!

[Free_to_be_me]

When I was in the hospital, I made sure that my mom got copies of the original birth record/certificate, hospital picture order form, her little feet prints and all of her records. We actually got her records and the feet prints in triplicate so we could give a copy to the birthfather and the adoptive parents.

Another thing I did was let people know that if they wanted to they could give me presents. It really helped to have something new to take home. It sounds a little selfish and kind of silly right now, but walking to the car with a potted cactus and a couple bouquets of flowers made not having a baby to carry just a teensy bit easier for that five minutes. It gave me something to do with my hands.

The most important thing to know is that after that baby is born, you will have to remake your entire decision. I didn't have too difficult a time with this, but some women agonize over whether they can really do it and if it really is the right choice for them. For me, my head said there was no question that adoption was the right choice, but my heart was screaming that it was terribly wrong. I had a list of pros and cons and all of the reasons I had decided on adoption that I had written before the birth, so I pulled that out and reread it. Now, my head and heart both agree that, although it hurt, it was the absolute best thing for me and my birthdaughter.

Good luck.

Lynn

[michellemartin]

GET DOUBLES OF THOSE FOOTPRINTS!!!!! one for you and one for the ap's.

Other thing... EVERYTHING you sign, read it no matter how much they are rushing you. If its a TPR, wait a week or two. You do not need to sign it in the hospital. You can also leave the hospital with your baby and meet at the agency, no need to leave without unless you choose to.

[VKH]

What is TPR?

I like the idea of getting seperate copies of the footprints. I think I will get one set for the bdad.

[michellemartin]

TPR is the Termination of Parental Rights. I've heard of it called other things, but that is the most common from state to state it seems. I've always heard it with Parental in it. I'm sorry I cant remember the other terms I've heard for it... Brandy, do you know what some other states call it?

[sugarbabysmommy]

Our agency always used the words relinquishment of parental rights instead of TPR.

It may not be your thing, but some families like to arrange an entrustment ceremony. Google "entrustment ceremony" and you'll find a few articles. Peace to you...