[BrandyHagz]

The Birthmothers Bill of Rights


What are your rights?
When you give birth to a child, even if you’ve made an adoption plan, you’re the legal parent until you sign the Termination of Parental rights, and in some cases even appear in front of a judge. What that means is that you have the legal right to make any and all decisions concerning the care and well being of the child. It also means you have the legal right, just as any other parents do, to place any name you choose on their original birth certificate.

Open Adoption, and all it entails.
Open adoptions have become even more common over the last decade, and with that has come more confusion. Open adoptions afford everyone the opportunity to get to know each other before, during and after the adoption. It can also be a little smothering, especially when you are in the hospital. It’s important to remember that when you are in the hospital, before the Termination of Parental Rights, that is your time with your child. Don’t be afraid to voice your desires. If you want alone time, let everyone know, that is your right. Remember, you are the parent until you’ve signed the papers.

What about Pictures, bracelets and other nifty hospital stuff?
That stuff is yours! Make sure you’ve made your demands known to your agency representative or attorney before you have terminated your rights. Also, its helpful to discuss these issues with the hospital staff, so they don’t exclude important information from your discharge packet, primarily the first photograph identification numbers and contact information for ordering. Also, include this in your birth plan, so there are no surprises! (More on the birth plan a little later)

The law says I have to wait a certain number of hours before I terminate.
Most states requires a birthmother to wait a certain number of hours before they can sign their relinquishment papers, but that doesn’t mean you have to sign them as soon as that time has come. If you need more time, or you don’t want to sign them while you are still in the hospital, then don’t, that’s your right. If you’d rather sign them at the agency, let the social worker know.

What about a hospital birth plan?
When you are making an adoption plan, it’s important to make a hospital birth plan to, so everyone knows what to expect while at the hospital. This can be as complex or as basic as you want it.

Things you might want to outline in your birth plan are visitors, medications, room assignment, breastfeeding and security bracelet assignments. This is also a good time to address the hospital items, such as blankets, bracelets, and the baby’s first professional photos.

The function of the birth plan is to eliminate surprises, and to inform everyone of what your desires are before you actually reach the hospital.

It’s also important to discuss your birth plan with a staff member at the hospital you will be delivering at. They are there to protect your privacy as well as your needs. If you feel you are being treated badly, request to speak to the Director of Nurses, and complain. You are NOT a second-class person, you have all the same rights as anyone else giving birth in the hospital.

Who is entitled to information about my adoption plan?
No one outside of the medical team working with you during labor and delivery has to know. If you choose to advise the medical facility that you have an adoption plan, they are obligated under privacy laws not to share your information with anyone else.

I had a birth plan, but I wasn’t expecting all of this emotion, now what?
Ok, the birth plan is a basic outline of what your needs and desires are…you aren’t committed to adhering to it if you aren’t comfortable. If you’re needs change, that’s ok, just let someone know. Again, don’t be afraid to voice your desires. This is your time!

I’m unsure…how do I know this is the right thing for everyone involved?
You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t have this feeling, and its ok. Talk with your birthparent advocate or agency counselor and if you are close to the adoptive parents, talk with them too. You might also consider taking the baby home for a day or two to make sure you’ve made the right decision; until your rights have been terminated, this is your right!

In the end, while you are in the hospital you are a parent, with intact parental rights, until you sign the papers that say otherwise, thus you should be treated accordingly.

[Byngee12]

Brandy I think this post should be placed in the lobby of each and every place that a P-B-Mom enters. Every hospital, clinic, lawyers office, agency, WIC office, McDonald's and Mall needs to have this information posted in big bold format where all can see. In my local post adoption support group several woman (mostly B-moms) were shocked to discover that I had baby photo's, her bracelets, that I'd insisted that the baby not leave the hospital before me, kept the baby in my room so that my Mom and I could bond with her and other things too numerous to list. They were even surprised that I'd named her and that the A-parents elected to keep her first name. I only did what most new moms do with their babies since for that 4 day period she was my baby. Thank you for posting this. Tara

[BrandyHagz]

I agree!

The local hospital here gives it to every woman considering an adoption plan...

When I went there a few months ago to talk to the administrator and DoN about Birthparents rights, they seemed a little floored…to be honest, I don’t think they were even aware…so much of the world is shrouded in closed adoption madness.

The local Crisis Pregnancy center passes the information along to women who are interested in more information about adoption, along with the names and numbers of all the services available to them in the area, should they elect to parent. Our area has a number of services available to single and low income parents, because there is a major university in town…

I’ve worked really hard here locally to advocate for options counseling and birthparents rights…

[Nina24]

Brandy~
Thank you for posting this helpful information. I was thinking about what you said. Many hospitals are really still stuck in the old way of thinking about adoption. Maybe the best people to educate would be the next generation of nuses- those still in nursing school. If they could be educated about open adotion, birthparents rights, and adoption sensitivity, then they might have a strong enough understanding of the situation to 'stand up' against the experienced nurses in their new jobs. Slowly, the norm could change. I wonder if major nursing schools even include adoption issues as part of their curriculum. Well, just a thought.
Keep us the good work, Brandy!
Nina

[michellemartin]

Brancy, can I print that and bring it to the hospitals in my area to hand out to pbmoms or even just for their nursing staff?

[BrandyHagz]

Feel free to

[AMom2Two]

Brandy...

Just a question if you don't mind?

I thought the babies cap and bracelet from the hospital, belong to the baby and not to either parents.

I can understand why the birth mother might want them and I think that is fine if she does; however my feelings are they belong to the child.

I know my daughter, who is only 3 1/2 has commented on seeing her baby bracelet from the hospital. It has on it her bmom's last name and my daughter's birth information. She enjoy's looking at it. I, personally, find it sweet that her bmom entrusted these items to us for her. I do feel they are a link to her bmom.

Just my thoughts. I hope they don't offend anyone.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I have her cap and bracelet...

But I can see where you are coming from, too..

[BrandyHagz]

I can understand what you mean…but at the same time, I feel that those small mementos belong to the birthmother…I think, for the most part, she’s given up enough…if she desires to keep them, then that’s her right.

I didn’t wish to keep them…I wanted M to have them and she has them.

The Birthmother Bill of Rights is more of a guide…for the most part, birthmothers are told they have NO rights, can keep nothing and must walk away empty handed and that just isn’t the case.

I wrote it as an eye opener…more than anything, I want to empower young women to speak up…their rights as parents are in tact until the minute they sign something that says otherwise and they should be treated as such!

[AMom2Two]

Originally posted by BrandyHagz
The Birthmother Bill of Rights is more of a guide…for the most part, birthmothers are told they have NO rights, can keep nothing and must walk away empty handed and that just isn’t the case.

I agree with you. Thank you for explaining.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I wish someone had given this to me. I still can't think of my hospital experience. It hurts far too much. The only thing that I have from the hospital is my bracelet. I wasn't given or even asked if I wanted anything else. I can still see the card on her baby bassinet that said "December" because no one asked if I wanted to name her. No one asked me anything. Nothing was given to me.

And to know that this will continue to happen to future potential birthmothers kills me.

[Sarah0518]

Brandy, I think the bill of rights is great. I would like to send it to our agency and several area hospitals. Adoption just seems to be so little known about or heard about in my area.

BTW, our son had 2 bracelets on in the hospital, one on his arm, the other on his leg. Was glad he did, because "K" was able to get one, and so did we.

[LorraineHauser]

Thank you for the guide it helped me allot. Before reading a part of me felt i had no rights i was so stuck on not being selfish. I now have the confidence to request some type of momento other than stretchmarks and memories. Thank You

[numbr1dbcksfan]

One more thing.... And I think it is national...Im not sure... You are ENTITLED to a 48 hour hospital stay. Dont let the doctor make you leave early if you need that whole time. I put my foot down on that one!

[BrandyHagz]

You are ENTITLED to a 48 hour hospital stay.

That’s absolutely correct…but keep in mind, most insurance companies only cover 24 hours…so if you elect to stay past the 24 hours, you could have to pay for that extra day out of pocket…and unless you’ve made prior arrangements to have the agency or adoptive parents pick up the medical bills, you could be responsible for that fee.