[jennylyn]

I am looking to talk to other birthmothers. I am 4 months pregnant and placing my child for adoption. I have been going through many ups and downs. I already love the child that is inside of me. I have met the parents i have chosen to adopt my child. I have also visited their home. I feel I have gotten close to the adoptive mother. We talk on the phone almost every day. I know this will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I already have two children and I know how much I love them. I know I have to do this not only for my unborn baby to have the best life possible,but also for my 2 boys. Knowing I have to do this is killing me but I know it will be the best thing for all of my children.

[BrandyHagz]

Jenny,

I know how you feel, I was in your position eight years ago, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done!

I was also parenting a child when I placed my daughter for adoption in 1996, and I did it for the same reasons you listed, I wanted more for her, and I wanted more for my son, who I was trying hard to raise as a single full time college student.

I’d be happy to talk to you any time you need someone to listen! You can contact me via email, private message, or even instant message (My AIM and Yahoo names are on my profile).

Feel free to contact me any time!

[bromanchik]

Feel free to contact me. My e-mail is brenr@openadoptioninshight.org. I am a birthmother in a fully open adoption. My son is 19.I remember so well the same feelings you are having.

[banaitis]

These must be very hard times for you. I know you must have given a lot of thought about what you are doing and all your reasons sound good.

I gave a daughter up for adoption over 40 years ago, 1962, and I am still looking after about 3 years. I still think of her all the time. In 1962 things were very different from what you describe. It sounds as though the adoption situation is better now.

Best wishes to you. Hope everything works out well.

[Irelandlover]

Wow. I sure do remember those feelings. I gave up my daughter four years ago. I just wasnt ready yet and i wanted her to have alot more of a life than i knew i could give her at the time. Please email or IM me anytime you want to chat. It is nlgacars@msn.com I will be here for you if you want to talk. I know this decision is a life altering one that comes with alot of emotions. You will get through it.
Lin
Birthmom to Sarah Elizabeth

[sspete]

Jenny......My heart goes out to you as a fellow bmom!!!! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!! I wanted to send you ((((((BIG HUGS)))))) and offer my support to You!!! Please pm me if you would like to "talk". Staci

[NCGirl20]

Jenny-

I am also a birthmom... Placed my daughter for adoption three years ago.

Though I cannot say that I know exactly what YOU are going through personally, I can say that I know what it's like to be making some of the decisions that you are having to make.

My email is always open!

[bmdyer]

Jenny,

I am a very fortunate birthmom. I relinguished my daughter back in 1970 when the laws were totally different. Thankfully I have a very determined daughter and at age 10 told her adoptive parents she was going to find me. She did find me 5 years ago and is a wonderful person. She calls me her best friend. Yes, I missed her terribly over the years and never knew where she was. I pray with your open adoption, you will receive pictures or notes telling you how your baby is. Yes adoption is hard but like you I knew it was something I had to do. I know it will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but if you eventually have a relationship of any kind it is great. Take care of yourself during these hard days, many other mothers care and want to help in any way we can.
Barbara

[purplekittypi]

I know excatly what you are going through, minus the meeting of the adoptive family. I am 5 months along and concidering adoption too. I have also had problems with depression in the past, so I too have a lot of ups and downs. I just try to think that what I am doing is best for the child, and try and keep my self busy. If you ever need to talk, email me.

[bmdyer]

Dear Lourea,

I am sorry for you pain and I totally understand it. I hate that you were lied too but all of us were. I suffered with depression for several years and finally went to see a counselor. She and I worked through my anger which had turned to depression. If you can find someone to talk too. When I had my daughter 34 years ago and we were told to go home and forget about the baby. I just wish that some of the nuns (I was at a Catholic Charities home) who gave us that advice had been in our shoes for a while. I never forgot my daughter and am so grateful that she found me 5 years ago. Don't give up, in years to come your child might come home to you too.
Barbara

[RiverGal]

Jenny,

I'm a bmom dealing with the same roller coaster emotions. Listen to what both your heart and logic are telling you, balance them out, then make the decision from there. Thanks to this wonderful site, you'll never have to walk alone. We are all here for each other. Good luck, sister.

Debra

[Free_to_be_me]

Jennylyn,

I am a birthmother as well. I placed my little girl almost 9 years ago. I also have a completely open adoption. Although it was an incredibly difficult time for me (the entire pregnancy and for a couple years afterwards) now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Adoption can be a wonderful solution to a difficult situation.

I know that it can be really scary to know that legally there isn't much protection from deceitful adoptive parents. I want to assure you that not all of them are dishonest. (I would venture to say that probably most of them are not.) The parents that are raising my birthdaughter are amazing. I am so happy with the job they are doing, my relationship with them and her and the fact that things have gone so well. I want you to know that it does happen.

I am wondering a couple things. One is are you working with an agency or independantly? How did you meet the potential adoptive parents?

The second thing is Have you ever heard of a cooperative agreement? I don't know if other people/agencies/workers call it something different, but basically it is a (fairly lengthy) form that adoptive and birth parents discuss and fill out together to have an idea of how much and what types of openness they are interested in and agree on. It is not a legally binding document, but it was described to me as "morally binding." When I filled it out, we talked about how often and when we would send letters, have visits and make phone calls. We also talked about if the adoptive parents would be in the hospital when the baby was born, in the room, who would care for her in the hospital and planned how we would leave the hospital.

We wrote down pretty detailed information- Letters at least 4 times a year in August, November, February, May-more if desired, Visits twice a year in summer and around Christmas, adoptive parents in the delivery room, a-dad cuts the cord, triple copies of birth certificate, feet prints, all other documents (for me, birthfather and adoptive parents)...Anyway, we wrote down a lot of different details. Even though we hardly even think about the form anymore, it was reassuring to talk about these different issues and have something in writing. Our relationship has developed into one that is much more casual than what we outlined. We write whenever we feel like it, visit whenever we are in the same state (3 or 4 times a year, but I usually stay at their home for a couple days or see them a few times in the space of a week). Even though our relationship is not what we outlined, the outline was a really good starting off point.

If you have any questions or would like to talk, feel free to PM me. I wish you strength and luck.

Lynn

[Heidi24]

Jennylyn-

I am actually not a birthmom but a mother longing for a child. I have come on here the last few days to talk wiht other waiting parents and I came across you message and just want to say it is because of women like you. who have such courage and love for their child, that parents like my husband and I will someday be given a gift that at one time we thought me might not have. I applaud you and wish you the best of luck.

[ptlyons]

I'm a 34 year old adoptee. I have never met my birth mother, and don't know if I ever will.

But wherever she is, I love her, and I'm forever grateful to her for what she did for me. I do NOT feel abandoned. I can only imagine what her circumstances were. By giving me up, she gave me the family that she probably could not have given me herself.

Anyhow... I could ramble on. All I'm trying to say, I guess, is that this is a good thing you're considering. Adoption is a good thing.

[bmdyer]

[ By giving me up, she gave me the family that she probably could not have given me herself.

Anyhow... I could ramble on. All I'm trying to say, I guess, is that this is a good thing you're considering. Adoption is a good thing. [/b]

As a birthmom of a 34 year old daughter, I agree adoption is a good thing. I know I could never give my daughter the life she deserved back when she was born. I felt and feel she needed a mother and father that could not only love her but give her the life she deserved. I gave life to her, but her mom gave her a life.

I have no idea if you are thinking about searching for your birthmom. If she is like I was, I would have never looked for my daughter. I wanted very much to know her yet I remembered what the nuns told us. They stressed back in 1969 that a birthmom had no right to look for their child. That if we found them, we would be upsetting their life. If you want to find your mom, go for it. I know some birthmoms do reject, yet most birthmoms I know, love being with ALL their children! Barbara