[Mary RamireZ]

My adoption was closed in 1980 it it became smi open adoption when the adoptive started I got letters and pictures for 18 years . This year I met my birthson
mother, I know is what his mother told me
I hope she is write. My son is so happy that he does not want to met me his sister Leticia does want met I hope he is not mad at or his amom . My son did graduated from UCLA. I do not know the truth of his adoptiion and never will till I met my birthson, also he is Gay.

by Mary
North Hollywood

[MkMw]

Soultube –

an interesting topic. I gave it a lot of thought over the weekend, and wanted to add my opinion,

I am an adoptive Mom with young children (nearly 18 month old twins). I consider our adoption successful at this point. Why? I have a good relationship with their birthfamily, we communicate well and have like goals and dreams for my (our) children – so at this stage in our adoption – yes it is successful.

As far as adult adoptees, understanding the dynamics that adoption plays in their life whether or not the “adoption” is considered by an adult adoptee is largely due to how the adults in their life as a child handled their role. AND, as an adoptive parent I feel it is primarily our responsibility as we are the ones parenting day to day.

I’ll give you that some adult adoptees (especially with negative adoption experiences) may need some time and counseling to get through adoption issues. BUT – as far as an adult assessing their childhood, that can subjective at best – and this is where I have a problem with “adoption” being used as a blanket answer for problem after problem in adult life. For example, my brother is 2 years younger than me. The only thing that changed after I left home at 18 was that my parents moved into a bigger house. Hardly a negative thing. HOWEVER – for 12 years after my brother graduated from High School he used our “dysfunctional family” (it was and is anything but) as an excuse for all of his poor choices. I was constantly defending our family to his friends. My mother who was extremely broken up about it, she spent a lot of time trying to figure out “where she went wrong” – he finally figured it, but in the process has created a dysfunctional family of his own he is now trying desparately to fix.

I guess, what I’m trying to say – is what Dlouis, Debsdone, and many other adoptees on these boards say. Your life is your life, how you deal with it is up to you – especially the parts you have no control over – in this case your adoption.

[PetersMom]

I see adults both adoptees and non-adoptees who can blame the problems on anything but their own decisions. My older sister (non-adoptee) blames my mother for all of her problems and she also blames the fact that my father died when we were small on all her problems, yet I don't! Why is that?

My cousins were adopted in closed adoptions in the 60's. The older one (female-in case you wondered) is happy, well-adjusted, thankful to both aparents and b-parents for the life she has had. Her younger brother has been married twice, has a hard time holding down jobs, and is an alcoholic - even though my aunt and uncle don't drink! Go figure!

Bottom line is that as children we don't have control over our circumstances, but as adults we do. We can choose to be bitter or we can focus on the positives and make a better life for ourselves and maybe help someone else better their lives. Sometimes helping someone else helps us to heal.

When you think about it, we have life so much easier than those in other countries. Maybe because we don't struggle just to survive it gives us time to mull over the bleaker things in our past.