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Originally Posted By Heather

I almost don't know where to start, I guess the beginning would be best. I had been living with my boyfriend Rich for a year and a half, and we were planning on getting married when I found him in bed with 2 men,and needless to say, I lost it. Right after that I left him and went home to my mothers. I had committed forgery 3 years before,got a cocaine addiction, and broke house arrest and had been running from the warrents ever since. When I went home I realized that in order to do any thing with my life that I would have to turn myself in. My daughter Kyndra was 3 going on 4 then, and my mother agreed to keep her. Two months after I left Rich and one month before I was to go to jail, I found out that I was pregnant. Talk about bad timing. I had a 2 yr. sentance and I had no idea how long I would have to be there. In the end I got early realease after only 5 months and I spent the other 17 on probation. My original plan was to abort the baby. I made the appt.,got the money together, and went to the clinic. I was sitting on the table in my little gown when I knew there was no way that I could kill my child. I remembered the first time I held Kyndra and I knew that no matter what the medical books said about embryos and fetus's that this was a baby growing in me and not just a glob of multiplying cells. I got up put my clothes on, walked out and never looked back. I had no idea what I woudld do. At that time I thought that I would have to give birth while I was in Jail. I had no job, no educatation, no home, and a child already that I was responsible for. I was really scared. After I had been in jail for awhile my mom talked to me about adoption. At first I told her she was crazy, that I would never give away my child. She didn't bring it up again. Then I started to think about it and it seemed to be the only solution, but I still couldn't make up my mind. Then one night, when my cellmates were all asleep, I got down on my knees and I told the Lord that I didn't know what to do. That I could not make this decison alone and so I gave it to him. I let go of the agony and indecision. The next morning I woke up with a sense of peace and I knew that this child was meant for another family. So I called my mom and told her that I wanted to give the baby up. She contacted AGAPE(a wonderful,caring agency that I would recommed to all birthmothers), they sent a really wonderful woman out to the jail to talk to me.She counseled me about my decison and never looked down on me for where I was at in my life. I got to look at portfolios of diferent couples wanting to adopt and choose my childs parents. I found out their entire family history, why they wanted to adopt, I even saw pictures of the room that they had already prepared for the baby they hoped to adopt. I got out of jail about 2 months before my due date and I got to meet them. Their names are Kim and Scott. They had been married for 10 years and had no children, you could see in their eyes how much they loved each other. Even after 10 years and all the heartbreak of not being able to concieve. I remember that Scott cried and that Kim seemed the most perfect loving mother type. It seemed so cruel that they could not have children. Then on April 17th, 1998 I gave birth to the most beautiful little boy you have ever laid eyes on. He was born at 7:04 am and weighed 7pounds 4ounces, and I named him Alexander Riley. He roomed in with me for the day and a half that I was in the hospital. I slept with him on my chest and told him over and over how much I loved him and and how wonderful Kim and Scott were and how much they loved him. I explained the whole thing to him and asked him to please forgive me for not being able to care for him the way I should. The day I left I said goodbye and my mom took him and put him in Kims arms and kissed him good-bye for the last time. Kim and Scott have sent me pictures, and he is so handsome and he looks so happy. I know that I did the right thing. I gave him the best life I had to give him. I cried for what felt like an eternity. I still cry and I am crying right now, he is a missing part of my life and always will be, but I am secure in the knowledge that he is happy and loved and has wonderful parents.
Now my life is so much different than it was then. My husband and I will be celebrating our 1st aniversery in a few days, and I just found out that I am 2 months pregnant. And this time I can give my child a loving, secure home with a mom and a dad and a big sister. I sometimes just set back and think wow, this is really my life.
So if you are out there and you are considering adoption, know that it is not the end of the road, but the beginning of the road for you and your child. Dreams do come true. I am living proof, Alex is living proof, Kim and Scott are living proof, and this new wonderful life growing inside me is living proof. Thank you so much for reading this. If you need to talk to someone I would love to talk to you. I will support you whatever your decison is.
My E-mail is Bella1125@Hotmail.com

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Originally Posted By Sharron

I'm crying too! That was such a wonderful story! You said you gave it to God, and I know that is what helped you and gave you the peace you needed God bless you Heather!
Sharron ONEXPLORER@aol.com

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Originally Posted By vicki

I just wanted to commend you for telling all of us your story. You are a brave wonderful woman who has obviously turned your life around. I know you are happy now and you deserve to be. Good luck to you and your family. I can only wish my daughters bmom would be like you. Thanks for your post!
Vicki

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Originally Posted By thanks for sharing your story

Heather..you have been through a really rough time in your life. So glad to hear that things are looking up for you now. God bless you and give you strength each day to just become stronger and stronger as life becomes fuller and fuller for you!

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Originally Posted By dianeh

Wow! Thanks for letting us in on your story. Just want to encourage you--you are a hero-mom to all *three* of your children. I truly wish you the best in the years ahead.

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Originally Posted By Amanda

Did you cry when you gave him away???? I did!! i did when i gave away my son and one of my girls. I wish i never had when i first did it then i reilized that that would be the life they would have always wanted.....

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Originally Posted By Deb

Heather your story hit so close to my heart I just had to respond. Although our personal situations in life are quite different I too prayed to God and asked for answers. The day I took my pregnancy test and it came back positive I never even thought about adoption. That night I cried and I prayed to God to tell me what I was supposed to do. The next morning I woke up and I knew what I was supposed to do. God was with me throughout my entire pregnancy and now my sweet little boy is with the most beutiful couple I have ever met in my life. He is truly blessed and I know he will have the most beutiful life.