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Originally Posted By Melissa

I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have a one year old from a previous marriage (I am 20 years old). I am having doubts and don't know what to do. Raising my daughter is hard enough. I don't know if I can handle another. My fiancee is in my life and supportive, but he is only 20 also, it feels as though I am tying him down way to early.

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Originally Posted By amy

I just posted a message similiar to yours. Please email at aimeeball@ivillage.com if you want to talk. I wish I could offer you support, but I dont know what to do either. Does your fiancee want the baby. If he does, does he really know what it takes to raise a child? I love children, and know that if I decide to give my son up it will be hard, but right know I just don't see how I could possible deal with another child, emotionally and financially. I sometimes wish God would send me a sign and let me know what to do. Its even harder when the dad wants the baby adn I know he could take care of it but doesn't a child need two parents?

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Originally Posted By jands

Hi Amy,
It is a tough decision, and you need to get some professional advice before you make it. There are two free options. Crisis Pregnancy Centers, which will counsel you on parenting. They may not be big on adoption. Adoption agencies, the good ones, will counsel you on parenting and adoption. You can go to more than one to find one you like most.

You will want to take your boy friend to these meetings, so that he can explore the issues of parenting and adoption.

He has to relinguish his rights in order for you to place your child for adoption. If he will not, you can allow him to keep the child, or you have to keep the child.....No on can adopt your child he refuses to sign.

It sounds like you could make a go of it if that was your choice, but only you will know the right decision. Adoption is a good choice in many situations, and you are considerate to at least think about what is best for the child in the long run. :-)

Either way will be tough to decide, but with the proper counseling and time, you will make the right choice.

There is adoption chat on Monday nights for birthmoms around 8:00 or 9:00pm Eastern - I think. That can be a good source of help, too.

Good luck in your decision, and may you have comfort and peace with it.

jands

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Originally Posted By jands

Hello Melissa,

I just posted below to Amy's response to your post. Please read that for advice on counseling. :-) It seems you have the basic requirements to parent the second child, but only you and your fiancee can decide what is best for your child and you in the long term. Long term is the key to your decision. After you get the counseling and have time to think it through, the right answer will come to you.

Either path will be difficult in the short term, but focus on the long term. :-)

Good luck to you and your decision.

jands

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Originally Posted By neita

i am sorry to hear about your situation. i was also 20 when i got pregnant and having only one child was tough. everyone thinks pregnancy should be the happiest time of your life, however it can sometimes be the most stressful, i would like to listen and hear more of your situation, if you would like. please know i am in NO way trying to persuade you to give me your baby, just interested in talking.

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Originally Posted By AMY C

MELISSA,
I HAD MY FIRST CHILD WHEN I WAS 17, AND SECOND WHEN I WAS 19. I KNOW HOW SCARY IT CAN BE AND VERY HARD TO AFFORD THEM.IF YOU NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT( LACEYLILACS@AOL.COM) I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!! AMY C

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Originally Posted By Nikki A

Melissa,
What is important is to think about what is best for the baby and then go from there. You can email me if you want to talk.

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Originally Posted By elizabeth

Hi!
My heart goes out to you!!! Raising two children so close in age will be hard, and also, it may put a lot of stress on you and your fiancee and your relationship. I think the answers to all of these hard life questions are in our hearts. If you are already posting this, then you are probably starting to think about the fact that now may not be the right time in your life to parent another child. If you can honestly see yourself comfortable with the idea of adoption, and feeling okay with your decision in six months, 1 year, ten years, then you should pursue this option.

I wish you lots and lots of luck in making this difficult choice!!! I know that as long as you follow your heart, you will make the right choice. If you would like to talk further, my e-mail address is elizbrod@abrod.com

Have a great day!!!

Elizabeth

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Originally Posted By Yvonne

Unfortunately relinquishing your child to adoption does not guarantee that he/she will have two parents. Adoptive parents divorce at the same rate, if not a greater rate, than everyone else, which is at least 50%. In addition to that, many single parents are adopting these days too. Other things happen to adoptive families too, like illness and death. They are not immune.

It is quite an eye-opener, twenty years later, to search for the child you relinquished and find that their life was no better financially than what you could have provided. Quite an eye-opener, especially when that was the reason you relinquished.

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Originally Posted By Holly

Yvonne is correct - no one is immune to life and there are no guarantees. However, there are several studies that help show what the impacts of adoption are and have been.

There are a lot of references, articles studies and other related information that has been compiled and put into one book by the National Council For Adoption. The information is professional and comprehensive. It is called the Adoption Factbook III and anyone considereing adoption as a birthparent or adoptive parent should take the time to read up on the topic.

The sad reality is that most unplanned pregnancies end in abortion. In 1997 less than 3% of 3.5 million non-marital pregnancies went to adoption. Some ended in single parenting but most ended in abortion. Education is the key. There is no guarantees about the lives we (or our children) live, but death is an absolute. If only 1% more unwed mothers choose not to abort there would be over 30,000 more infants that had a chance at life every year - and that's just in the US. Life is what we all make of it. Some cirumstances are beyond our control and how we react to those situations determines how we feel. We all have a lot more control and responsibility for ourselves and others than any of us truly want to accept.

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Originally Posted By Lisa

If you want to talk write me at pinkgem1@aol.com

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Originally Posted By jenifer

if i was you which i am going through the same thing you are,my advice is too follow your heart,and to think about what kind of future you want for your baby.

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Originally Posted By wendy

I will be 23 on 3/7. I am due to have my 2nd child on Mother's day. I have a two year old son who turned six months 3 days after my 21st bday. I came here for advice when I was beat up by my ex two months into my pregnancy with my current. I read all advice carefully and did lots of thinking. I too have struggled with my son. You are very lucky to have your fiancee in your life and hopefully you are able to talk with each other honestly and openly about what you want. I knew that to be fair to my son and this baby that an adoption was the best thing for me to do. It is great to hear from so many concerned people here, but the decision has to made solely between the two of you. Things are probably different and a little bit easier since you have him there with you. But it is still a hard decision regardless. I am very glad to hear that you are considering your options, again, hopefully together. The only advice that I can express and hope you do take is to think of the baby and your 1 year old first. I do hope that you are not considering the more popular choice these days, but that too is your decision. I find you very brave and respectable for coming here for advice and at least wanting to give the baby a chance. No matter what your decision, I am sure it will be hard...but stay strong together and know that, from one mother to another, we put our children first. If not, we would not ask for help right? Good luck and God bless.