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Originally Posted By BrendaR

There are many ways prospective birthparents are being solicited. Offering the agency you are working with, for one. Talking about your situation and encouraging them to call you. I have seen both. Certainly if a prospective birthparent/birthparents asks for this information, but I see it as a very subtle form of solicitation.

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Originally Posted By Birthmother

I am a birthmother and I am well aware of the subtle 'solicitation' that occurs on these and every other adoption board. I post a message and I am sure to receive messages back or Email from people looking to adopt. I can reply or not, that is my decision. Their messages and Email aren't rude and I haven't had any sort of harassment from anyone! Why do some birthparents get so bent over it? You act like there is a separate world for us and there isn't. I am as grateful to the parents who adopted my child as they are to me. I have given my child life and they have given my child their life. I come on these boards to hear everyone's comments on all subjects. We do not own the message boards. Stop yourself and take a look around. There are good people out here and there is no reason for bparents and aparents to be made to defend themselves here. Get off the high horse birthmothers. Adoptive parents are here to provide us with a peace of mind as well! We have/had a gift to give and we get a gift in return. Just because I got knocked up doesn't mean that the world owes me some high and mighty respect.

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Originally Posted By BrendaR

I am glad you are aware of it, but there are many who are not. I am glad that you have a great situation, but I talk to way too many birthmothers who don't. If this is to be a safe place for prospective birthparents and birthparents to come than ANY kind of solicitation has to be taboo.

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Originally Posted By a mom

What a great post from you!!! You are so right and I for one appreciate that you are saying such good things. We all play a part and we're all important in the adoption triad. You are a wise woman.

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Originally Posted By lanie

Can't we all work together here??
I placed my son for adoption 5 years ago and the hell I've been thru since then is indescribable. But, my pain stops there. Adoptive parents will NEVER be able to have children of their own, a gift that I can do at anytime I am ready.
Birth mothers, please remember that pain exists everywhere. If adoption were easy, everybody would do it! I say, let's all work together, and use this site as a forum to communicate with EACH OTHER.

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Originally Posted By vicki

You are so right...It works both ways! I need to add one other thing, well maybe two. First we are all not in pain. Adoption has it's emotional roller coaster but we are not all in pain. Second all of us adoptive parents are not infertile! I have 3 bio children and adopted because the bmom found our family through a mutual friend and asked us to adopt. What a wonderful experience we'have had. Emotional yes and the pain is for the bmom and what my child may find out as she grows up and meets her bmom but our family is not in pain but very happy with our decision to adopt. For people readind this post and are looking for a child to adopt...search on and don't give up! Do not let the negative posters discourage you because there are alot more positive people than negative. If these boards hadn't changed format it would be easier to read and see. Unfortunatey many post adoption parents have left here...Vicki...vickisc@aol.com

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Originally Posted By lanie

excuse me while I stand corrected. . . thanks for clearing that up!

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Originally Posted By praying for a miracle

The same here! We are looking into adoption for the first time ourselves. And birthmoms, believe me...
it is scary for us too. I could not proceed for years
(to try to adopt) for guilt of taking a child away from it's mother. I too have read sound broad for months hoping to get a better understanding on a birthmother's
feelings when faced with actually giving the child to someone else. There must be sorrow, lose, and pain unexplainable. But birthmothers there is also PAIN for the one that can NEVER have their own family. It is not by choice but the cards that life has dealt them.
So please try to understand if you think we get in the way sometimes, we are just like you..... hurting.

away from

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Originally Posted By adoptee

You sound bitter. I am an adoptee with no identity, no genetic info, no sense of family. What rights do I have? It seems that I have none. Sadly, I have no one searching for me . . . I was a mistake & have been forgotten. So much for the common bond.

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Originally Posted By childless and in pain!

Vicki: I guess it is a good thing to NOT know the Pain that most adoptive parents face. You were blessed to have 2 of your own so of course to you the adoption was
"a bonus" but to most adoptive families, there is Great Pain and Loss, Total Heplessness because they are not able to ever witness those joys of their own. I am happy for you but you are the exception to the rule.

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Originally Posted By lisa

That was a great way to put it. Thank you.

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Originally Posted By Theresa

AMEN!!

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Originally Posted By adoptee

you never know who is searching for you.I have been looking for my daughter that I gave up at birth in 1969
i hope and pray one day to met her and explain everything to her.I love her and always will and I hope somewhere in her heart that she loves me.Some time we can't control everything that happens.

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Originally Posted By adoptee too

While I have no genetic information, or any birth information for myself, I certainly have an identity and a sense of family. I'm sorry you are hurting. I know how it feels to have a hole in your heart that no one or nothing else can quite ever fill completely. It's like some fundamental part of you is missing. And even with the best of circumstances and the best adoptive parents a child could wish for there will always be a void. As I've grown older, although, the pain has dulled and is not as sharp, and I've come to believe several things with great certainty. One, that a family is and consists of the people who you love and love you, and that they may not have the same blood running through their veins at all. I have a friend that has a closer relationship to me than to her own brother and sisters. Infact, I introduce her as my sister to other people, and no piece of paper saying otherwise could change my heart.
Two, that if you're breathing and here on plant Earth, you are not a mistake! You are here for a purpose. Yes, at times that purpose may be elusive to us, however, ( and this comes from my Christian background), God has a purpose for all of us, even if we don't know it yet.
Three, Having a child of my own that came from my own body has healed alot of pain that I didn't even realize was there hidden away. I feel differently today about my birth mother than I did when I was growing up. Instead of anger, I feel thankfulness to her for giving birth to me and not taking the easy way out. Even if she would want nothing to do with me, I still would be grateful to her. For without her, there would be no me, and with out me, my beautiful daughter wouldn't be here either.
I don't know what your situation is and I'm not so naive to think that every adoption story has a happy ending. Another friend found out his birth mother was a heroin addict and prostituted herself to pay for her habit. She had been searching for him for some time. He also found out he has alot of brothers and sisters out there who were also conceived through her prostituting. And needlees to say, he's not a happy camper and has alot of emotional and identity problems because of this knowledge. And now he wishes that she had never found him, that she forgot about him.

I have wonderful parents, and have had a happy childhood. I also have a great husband and a beautiful daughter. All these people were affected in the positive by a decision made 34 years ago by a faceless, nameless woman that I have a special place in my heart for and even though she's not searching for me, I'm sure she's not forgotten. And I'm just as sure that you weren't a "mistake" nor have you been forgotten! I hope you will have healing in your life soon and find peace in your heart.

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Originally Posted By heather-responding to adoptee

i'm really sorry to hear that you were a mistake but i was too, and i'm also looking for my adopted out sister whom I wish were here, so don't feel as if you are not being looked for because u just might be the one that i am looking for, so don't give up keep looking, that's what I have been doing.

Heather