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Originally Posted By marshall

My girlfriend found out she is pregnant and she doesn't want to keep it. I do but only if we share custody which she isn't willing to do. I feel totally helpless in this situation. I know that it is her body but it is my baby too. What do I do?

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Originally Posted By Paula

She can not go through with adoption without you signing away your rights. Things have changed and as a dad you have rights also. Have you guys talked? When I told my BF years ago that I was pg he said some things that really hurt me. We never were able to communicate right after that. Maybe you guys can get some counseling?

At the very least it sounds like you'll want to be involved in the adoption process and picking out the adoptive parents. Yes you have the right to do that!

Good luck!

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Originally Posted By Jennifer

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I think that you need to decide whether or not you are willing to be a single father. She obviously isn't willing to keep the baby - so you need look at the pros and cons and decide if you are willing to raise the child alone. Although I do not have any children, many of my friends are single parents. They carry a huge responsibility and must sacrifice much of their lives for the child. They love their children and would never change the situation but they do have to make sacrifices that they normally wouldn't have to make if they had a spouse.
I am not sure how old you are - but look at the relationship you have with your girlfriend. Do you see the relationship lasting with or without a child?
I hope that everything works out - you do have 9 months to decide, so, use the time wisely. Peolpe come and go but the child will be there forever. Let me know what you decide.

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Originally Posted By jands

Hello Marshall,

You do not have to place the child for adoption if you do not want to. She cannot place the child without your permission. I do not know what her rights are if you keep the child. You should not push her to take custody if she does not want to.

You can get free counseling on the options at an adoption agency. They will help you with these issues and parenting issues. Crisis pregnancy centers can give free counseling on parenting issues. Eventually, you may need to consult a lawyer.

Be sure you are can be found by an agency that she may contact to place the child through. They will have to get your permission to place the child, and they can if they cannot find you for several months....

Good luck and send questions if not clear.

jands

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Originally Posted By Jamie

Get a lawyer or talk to the agency that she is envolved with.Get involved now.Act quickly .If you dont act quickly there are sertain ways that they can terminate your rights without sighning anything.Show them that you love & care for this child.Do not delay in time.The more that you show no envolvment with this child the less of a chance that you'll have in court.I am a birthmother I have an idea of how agencys can get around birthfathers.

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Originally Posted By David

Well, in 1974 Edna Gladney managed just fine to circumvent my rights to say about my daughter. Last week she and I finally found each other. Don't count on the law being on your side. There are ways to circumvent it. I was a single parent with my son from my first marriage for nearly a year, when I finally (get this...) married the girl who gave our daughter up.

The healing is slow, and trust me if you are ever in my shoes you will wish you took that step. For only knowing her 9 days, I love my b-daughter as any of her b-siblings. Your call. Just be sure you can live with the decision years later. In my case I didn't know until it was too late.

David
Birthfather of Calla
4-16-74

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Originally Posted By Ben Mackey

My ex-girlfriend is going to have my baby in the next two months and she doesn't want me to be in the babys life at all.. she keeps saying she is just getting fat
I know she is going to have my baby. I have heard she is going to give my baby up for adoption and i would like to know what my rights are. she said she is not putting my name on any papers so know one will know that i am the father.. I want my baby and i need to know what i need to do to get my son or daughter before she gives it away. I do know she is on medicaid is there something they can help me do?
please help me..

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Originally Posted By Brad

As an adult adoptee I feel that I should let you know my point of view. I was adopted as an infant to a wonderful family. However I'm 26 yrs old now and want to find my birth family ,which is becoming almost impossible. The reason why is simple. When I was born someone purposely screwed with my adoption records so that I would never be able to find my birth parents. (Wether it was the doctor or the agency itself I will never know). I have no idea the day I was even born for sure. I don't hate my birth parents for giving me up for adoption. I do feel that you if you decide to let your child be adopted that you should sign a consent form to consent to the release of information concerning you so that if your child ever tries to find you he or she will be able to. Good luck with whatever decision you make and if you do decide to let your child be adopted please make sure that the adoption is done properly so that what happened to me doesn't happen to your child.

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Originally Posted By tracy

hi david.. i have a 15 yr son his g/f got pregnant with his child ...dening it ..but i later found out she did give birth to my sons child.its been hard ..we asked her and mom where the baby was but they still wont tell ...my son is so deppressed..i know not what to do...i think it was given up for adoption..he is hurting bad ..any help please email...the baby is 6 wks as of aug 15 2000 sosweet69@aol.com

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Originally Posted By janet

Marshall,
All you have to do is file for custody of the child so that you do not have to go thru the adoption issue.
Depending on the state you live in you should be able to file for custody of said child to be even before it is born so just go petition your local juvenile court system and tell them the story and that you want to take full responsibility. Good Luck !!!!!
But do it now so you have enough time to get custody so that the child does not get into the system and get yourself an attorney if YOU feel you need one after you file your petition for custody.Or have the courts have one appointed to you. I hope you win cuz i would not want to see you go thru what i have been thru years down the line.20 years ago i was forced into placing my daughter and have been trying to find her for 3 years now. I wish you the best and GODSPEED !!!!!

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

Get a lawyer quickly !!!Time is critical .

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Originally Posted By Mary

Please get in touch with a lawyer. You do have rights to this child.

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Originally Posted By Tyler'sBmom8-31-2000

If the baby hasn't been born yet, you need to register your name with the office of child support in your state. If she tries to give the baby up the court does a search before they terminate rights to see if father is registered with child support. This is the safest way as your name will be out there and found by the court. Even if you don't know the name of the agency or lawyer she is using, the court will find your name in the child support office records. This will also prevent you from having to pay for paternity tests to prove it's yours. This is something very few people know about, but it can save a lot of time and money.

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Originally Posted By Tonya

If I were you I would keep the baby. It's just to hard of a search trying to find your parents 22 years later. And we always feel a whole in our life.