[KaylansFirstMom]

Hello.

Now, in my experience as a First Mother thus far, I have come to learn that mine is NOT the popular opinion regarding "Birthfathers." Here goes, anyway:

The Father of the child should be just as involved as the Mother, after all the child is just as much a apart of HIM as he/she is a part of HER, and he needs to be treated as such. NO adoption should be able to go through without his consent or knowledge (it happens ) it is immoral, and if a father can and wants to parent his child, while the mother wants to place the baby, it needs to be addressed by a court, and if he can prove himself capable, he should have access to keeping his child. In many cases the very identity of the father of the child does not need to be known...this MUST change.

My daughter's father hapens to be a wonderful man and an amazing first dad, while we were expecting our daughter and proceeding with an 'adoption plan' he wanted so deeply to be awknowledged. They were so cold to him and acted as though he didn't matter in the least. It's true that most of them are scum bags, but that doesn't mean assume it's all of them. These father need to be just as reconized as the mothers...before, during and after an adoption takes place...

Just my opinion,
Emily

[vicrose]

Emily, I agree with you wholeheartedly!!!! You are very lucky to have had the birthfather with you throughout your whole pregnancy, and the adoption process. I think if more birthfathers would step up to the plate like that, they could definitely change the system a lot!! Sincerely, Brenda....

[Resseda]

I totally agree! My boyfriend was also involved in the adoption and even the birth process and has been my rock through the whole thing! I think every effort should be made to acknowledge the father, but the sad fact is, I think there are just as many fathers who don't want to be acknowledged as those who don't have the chance,

Ress

[Emily K. Broggi]

Hey!

I do feel very lucky to have my guy, I have to admit that! He really did step up to that plate, man! You know my mother said about him about back then:

"He looked as though he would rather have had to slip into a third dimension and have his toes pulled off one by one than be sitting in front of me at 17 telling me that he has gotten my 15 year old pregnant...but he satyed right where he was, holding your hand...he's a keeper Em!"

She has never agreed with our 'early' relationship, and she used to roll her eyes when I spoke about being 'in love' when I was that age, but the truth is...I was, and still am.

Thanks for your support Brenda, whats your story?

Hugs,
Emily

[Emily K. Broggi]

Nice to meet you!

My GOODNESS! He was attacked while sincerely looking for some help and support?! Have you any idea where he may be now? That poor guy! He didn't deserve that.

Thanks for your thoughts Debi! How are you touched by adoption?

Hugs,
Emily

[Emily K. Broggi]

I am VERY glad to hear your boyfriend is as wonderful as mine! What a great Dad he sounds like! How long ago did you guys place?

Hugs,
Emily

[Emily K. Broggi]

I am BOTH Kaylans First Mom and Emily K. Broggi, I use both, lol but they're both me...just saw that I just posted as both int he same thread...sorry if their was any confusion!

Hugs,
Emily

[Resseda]

We placed in September this past year. We've been together a little over 4 1/2 years. He is a great dad to his 2 kids, but he's to that point in his life where he needs to be thinking about saving for retirement and having time to enjoy himself, not starting over with another baby. If I wanted to parent, he would have been right there too. He's a real keeper. And my mother was pretty rough on him too when she found out about my pregnancy.

Ress

[mom2j&d]

Every state has different laws reguarding birth father rights. I only know about the state I adopted from. In that state if the birth father does not sign relinquishments than a dilligent search must take place. If he is found he will be notified via certified letter that an adoption plan has been made for his child. Once the courts are sure he recieved the letter he has 30 days to contest the adoption. If he contests he has to find out where the baby is. Go to that state and fight in thier courts. He has to take a DNA test at his exspense and than prove he is better fit to take care of the baby than the adoptive parents. If he can not be found after a dilligent search than an add in the local paper of the town of his last known address must be placed and he has 120 days to contest the adoption and the same procedures apply. This may seem unfair to some but the laws in that state changed a few years ago because of a very sad case. A little boy was adopted at birth and the birth father never knew he had a child. Four years later he found out about the adoption and contested it. After a DNA test proved he was the father he fought for custody. A year later, when the little boy was 5 he won. The little boy did not want to go live with his birthfather because the only parents he knew was his adoptive parents. He took the move very badly and was in therapy for a year. During that time his birthfather married and had a baby with his wife. A year after the birth of his second child he skipped town on all of them. His wife, now a single mother to two kids gave the now 7yr old little boy back to his adoptive parents. The same Judge who awarded the birth father custody handled the case. He immediatly terminated the birthfathers rights and the adoptive family readopted the little boy. Because of the trauma this case placed on all parties involved that judge changed the laws in that state.

Even though some laws seem harsh thier are good reasons behind them. Just my opionion!

[mintshastagrape]

i believe in birthfather rights all the way. a birthfather should have equal chance at parenting his child. its his child too not just the birthmoms child. birthdads should fight adoptions if he wants to parent. a birthdad should be pressured or scared into adoption.

[LilOne]

woo hoo I'm not the odd one out anymore!!

Emily and Ress I wholeheartedly agree, a father hsould be just as involved whether it's parenting or placing a child...My guy and I have been together for five years now we have a four year old that we placed toghether and we also have a soon to be 7 month old..He was there every step of the way concerning placement of our daughter...from the first meeting at the agency to the delivery to the court hearings...BUT he was treated like total s**t by our agency, and at one point was told, well you can sign if you like but we only need lisa's signature...EVEN THOUGH he was ON the birth certificate...Still cannot figure that one out!!

So it's great to hear of others that have had their men stick around, usually you just (unfortunately) hear about the idiots!!


Lisa

[mintshastagrape]

i would think them saying that would be ilegal

[Sharon]

I agree that birthfather's rights need to be given more consideration. The father of the child I placed for adoption is also a wonderful, caring individual. After placing our child for adoption, we later went on to marry and have another child. This marriage did not last, but we still remain the best of friends. I thought it was entirely unfair that he was so left out of the whole adoption process, his feelings not even taken into account. In fact, in my State, the birthfather signs the relinquishment papers BEFORE the child is even born, while the birthmother is not allowed to sign them until after. This doesn't make any sense at all to me. Sincerely, Sharon

[mintshastagrape]

i dont think birthdads should be able to sign until at least 3-4 days after birth like birthmoms. some agencys i read let birthmoms sign before they deliver but its not really legal. sometimes us birthparents get the short end of the stick. i think birthdads should have the same rights as us.

[MomTo1]

I agree that birthfathers should be given the same consideration as the birthmothers..

My daughters birthfather has been a part of her life from day 1. He is very young man that felt torn between parenting this child or placing.

He has kept all his promises. When we visit, he is so kind and considerate to our feelings. He always brings the baby a little stuffed animal. He always cries when it's time to say goodbye. His pain is real and as genuine as my daughters birthmother/first mother/life mother. He is an asset for her to know. He is a kind hearted man that did not feel he would be doing his daughter justice by raising her without the means or the support to properly provide for her. He put her interest above her own, just like her birthmother. He is a part of our family....