[3lost]

I'm new to the room. really not sure I even want to talk about things. don't even know why I came. talking about it doesn't seem to help much. what I really want to do is forget. remembering only brings pain anyway. but how? if I keep busy and try to forget I dream. it was better before they started turning 18. I had hope then foolish hope. now my oldest is 20 and he has rejected me the pain is sometimes unbareable. but the only thing I can do is go on and hope he changes his mind. and hope the others don't hate me too. it is hard to know that you are the kind of person that others don't mind rejecting. I keep thinking I should be used to it by now. but it keeps getting harder. I have come so far in healing but you can't tell by this letter. I have forgiven every one that has hurt me up until this point and I do ... forgive my son as much as I can... but it still hurts. I try to forgive his adoptive parents but that's harder to do. I gave them my heart and they don't care that it's hard for me to live without it. they don't care that every day that I have lived since I gave away my 3 babies I have lived to see them again. they don't care to even get to know me for themselves just to see who I am this woman who loved her children enough to die for them. can't talk anymore tears are falling don't want to cry anymore.

[vivienne]

HELLO, MY NAME IS VIVIENNE, IM A ADOPTEE THAT JUST YESTERDAY LOCATED MY BIRTH MOM, IM 39 YRS. OLD AND HAVE 4 KIDS OF MY OWN, ALWAYS PUT OF SEARCHING UNTIL MY OLDEST DAUGHTER LAST APRIL STARTED THE SEARCH, THE RESPONsE WAS FAST, STILL WITH THE INFO. SHE GAVE ME I DID NOTHING WITH IT UNTIL 6 MONTHS LATER I STARTED PUTTING ALL THE INFO I HAD ALREADY AND ALL THE INFO. SEARCH ANGELS TOLD TO ME AND STARTED A VIGOROUS SEARCH ON MY OWN. AFTER GETTING SO MUCH DIFFERENT ADVICE I KINDA WENT WITHOUT ANYBODIES HELP THE LAST 2 WEEKS AND THATS HOW I FOUND HER, SHE WAS VERY RELUCTANT TO TALK, I BROUGHT BACK PAINFUL MEMORIES IN HER LIFE. I PRAY THAT ARE PHONE CONVERSATION LAST NIGHT WONT BE ARE LAST . I HAVE LOST BOTH OF MY A-PARENTS, MY MOM JUST LAST YEAR. IM NOT TRYING TO REPLACE HER BUT I WOULD LOVE TO GET TO KNOW MY BIRTH MOM. I PRAY SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY, I PRAY ALSO FOR YOU, THAT YOUR CHILDREN WILL COME AROUND AND REALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU, AS AN ADOPTEE I STRONGLY FEEL THEY WILL!! I NEVER HAD ILL FEELINGS FOR MY B-MOM, BUT I KNOW THAT DURING MY SHORT SEARCH I BECAME VERY FRUSTRATED AND ALMOST GAVE UP. PLEASE, DON'T GIVE UP ON THEM THEY JUST NEED TIME TO REALIZE JUST HOW VERY IMPORTANT YOU ARE, THEN THERE HEARTS WILL SOFTEN, YOU'LL SEE. THE LORD NEVER WANTED THIS PAIN FOR YOU, AND HE'LL MAKE IT RIGHT!!
GOD BLESS YOU,
VIVIENNE EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE TOO,

sansan914@msn.com

[drcarothers]

I don't know if this will help. but I was adopted as an infant. I am now 43. During the teenage years the wondering was especially hard. I believed that my birthmother had thrown me away. But I know better than that. I will always wonder what she was like but my feelings are just hope that her life has been okay. Mine has. Some people just don't understand their will always be a connection between birthmother and child. All we can do is pray that time will heal. Hang in there.

[3lost]

vivienne,


You said, "PLEASE DON'T CRY, I NEED YOUR ADVICE

How can I help you?

[3lost]

I just wanted to say that since I started this post I have found healing (I hope it lasts) I believe it will last. I have found a wonderful church just a few months ago. This church just started up a few months before I started going there. The purpose of this church is to heal the hurting people so that they can in turn help others that also hurt. I thank God for sending me there and leading the members in how to help the hurting heal. I just want to say that for now I am 100% healed. But I have not been healed long enough to trust it to be permenent. I know that when God heals He heals completly but that has to be worked into my spirit before I can believe it fully. Thank you for listening.

[drcarothers]

It is great that you have found some support. As I said before, hang in there. If there are any questions I can answer from an adoptees point of view, just ask.