[EABPoland]

I recently met my birthmother. It was an amazing experience!! I'm slowly being introduced to members of her family. She has told her two older children about me but she has a 6 and 8 year old who have seen pictures but don't know about me at all. She wants me to meet them and she wants them to know me. However, she has no idea how to go about telling them about me because of their age and level of understanding. I tried looking for a book that might help explain things but all I found were books geared towards the child that has been adopted. It's a lot of pressure for her because she's concerned that they may not understand, might feel like she's been dishonest, they don't know anything about sex and assume that babies happen when people are married...so really it's not just one thing she'll have to say to them. Any suggestions??? Thanks!

[MrsHoot]

Well if they've seen pictures it makes it much easier...she just needs to give the face a name and call it their sister. She can explain to them that she (you) grew up in another home but that you're all grown now and have a home of your own.

At that age they may not have as many questions as she fears but by telling them in a very matter of fact way, not teary and emotional, will help them accept it as just a regular part of life.

I told my daughters (13 &2) about their older sister just after I had made contact with her. I printed out the picture I had of her and asked the older one to get it off the printer for me - I knew she would study it on the way. When she handed it to me she said - "who is she, she looks like us"...the conversation got rolling from there...and it was a LOT easier than I thought it would be.

They may not understand it all, they might be upset because they were lied to...bu they'll feel the same way when they find out about Sant, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy...KWIM?

Best of luck and Congrats on your reunion!

[loveajax]

Congratulations, first of all.

I know there is a book called My Sister Sam. I think it is geared toward an expecting mom telling her child she is placing another child for adoption. I haven't read it yet, but it might be a good start...(I am thinking about getting this for DD's birth mom who hasn't told her five year old that DD is her sister). Good luck!

[kakuehl]

I told my children when they were in their teens (actually I told the older and he promptly told his younger sister); I hadn't found D at that point but I wanted them to know. I think Mrs. Hoot has it right. If she treats it in a matter of fact way: this is your sister, it will be a lot simpler. I would think it's actually better at that age than older. I know a birth mother whose daughter was in her late twenties/ early thirties when the birthson found the mother. The daughter was very upset that her mother had kept secrets from her. It took a long time to rebuild that relationship.

The other thing to remember is that you want to answer the questions the children ask, but only what they want to know. They will ask what occurs to them at the time and that's all they want/need to know at that time.