[renegade]

Hi, I'm a 19 year old expectant mother who is considering adoption for my unborn child. I am also quite religious and lately have been thinking about how I would go about handing my baby to a new set of parents. I'm planning on finding a family of my same faith, and am wondering from all you birthmothers out there if you did any sort of spiritual or religious ceremony to comemmorate this event and sort of bring closure, and if so, was it a positive experience? Did it indeed offer you more closure? How was it set up? Did you feel you bonded too much with your child spending too much time and it was harder for you? What was the ceremony comprised of.. e.g. church or religious place, prayers, certain clergy, any specific interesting aspects you enjoyed? Would you recommend this to other birthmoms or not?
I'm just thinking that if I do this, I will need more than legal closure. I will want to have some sort of spiritual ceremony involved which celebrates life and blesses the child in some way, so I can be more at peace with myself, rather than just having the child taken from me from the hospital.
Thanks for your stories!

[Birth4Mom3]

Hi Renegade,

I did this. Baby's bfather and I were both of faith and it was very important to us that Baby go to a home that shared our faith.

We were fortunate to be able to work with an agency of our faith and meet the aparents prior to the adoption. We were doubly blessed that they were willing to be a part of a dedication with us at the time that they took Baby home with them.

A pastor who was close to bfather did this for us. He did a blessing of us as the bparents and of the child, dedicating the child in our faith. He then did a blessing of sorts transferring spiritual authority and parenthood so-to-speak from us to the aparents. Then he also did a dedication and blessing of the new family that was formed with the adoption.

I was able to hand Baby to her new mother myself, with my own two hands, and I think that made a huge difference in how I've looked at it ever since. No-one and no "system" took her from me; I GAVE her to her family.

I know it was a huge blessing to us, and I would like to think that it was special for the aparents also. The fact that they were willing to be a part of it says alot.

Afterwards, amom and I sat together looking at photo albums I had made to give them, and at some special journals & etc. that I wanted kept for Baby. Amom asked if I would like to hold Baby while we did this, and I did.

All in all it was a wonderful, wonderful transition. I can't imagine any way that such a difficult time could have been made any more special and meaningful.

We had 2 mos with Baby before she went to be with her family. Yes, we bonded but I also had time to make my peace with the situation and say my goodbyes, so I don't regret it. The bond was different than the one I made with my own children, because I knew that this little girl was NOT mine but one that I was in the process of saying goodbye to.

Kim
Kelsey Jayne (6-29-94): I'm ready when you are!