[tierra126]

Hi. I am currently a senior psychology student at a university in Georgia. 3 years ago I gave my son up for adoption and I've been interested in psychological aspects of adoption ever since. Next semester, for my senior seminar, I must do a 30 minute presentation. I thought it would be nice to research something meaningful. The reason I'm asking for help is because I need your perspectives. I want to hear from those that have been adopted as well as those that have given a child to adoption. I would like you to answer a few questions.
1. What impact has adoptoin had on your life?
2. How did/do people react when you tell them?
3. How does their reaction make you feel?
4. Are you happy with the decision that was made and why or why not.

Remember that I a student of psycholgoy so your answers should be more about your feelings and emotions and not necessarily the whole story of why adoption was the choice. I truly thank you for any help that you can give me. I love you all.

[sspete]

1. What impact has adoption had on your life?

It made me into the woman I am today!! That woman is a great mother, and VERY STRONG!!!!

2. How do people react when you tell them?

I get VERY different responses. Some pity, some disgust, and some oh....you are very brave!!!!

3. How does their reaction make you feel?

I am truly not bothered by their reaction or opinion!!!!

4. Are you happy with the decision that was made...why or why not?

Yes, I am happy with my decision. At the time it was the ONLY and best thing I could have chosen for my baby!!! It was NEVER easy however. I have lived with that void FOREVER!!!!

Staci

[AntKnee]

1. It is hard for me to say what kind of impact being adopted has been on my life. I mean, I have never used being adopted as an excuse or anything and to my knowledge, I am pretty normal. Being adopted was just a fact of my life. I didn't really give it much thought (I'm 32 now). After joining this website and reading other people's posts, I have been able to realize that at least some of my behavior could somehow be due to me being adopted like having to sleep with the tv on, always wanting people to like me, etc. Before now, I just chalked it up to me being me and I guess if you really look at it, it is me being me. I guess you could say that my biggest drawback/problem growing up as an adopted child was that of nationality/identity. It wasn't wanting to know what nationality I was, I have always known that (even though I was adopted at birth). The problem was in the knowing. I was raised in an Italian family, while I was/am Irish. Living in an area of the United States (NY) where nationalities play a big part, it was a bit hard for me. I felt Italian, just didn't look it and knew deep down that I wasn't. In a way (for me) I almost wish that I hadn't known that I was adopted. Even though I didn't give it much thought, it was always there in the back of my mind, if you can understand that.

2. For the most part, I never really told people I was adopted right off the bat (at least when I was older). Growing up, most of my friends knew. That was mainly because of the fact that I blurted it out during a second grade class during an adoption discussion. At the time, I really didn't fully understand what I was saying. Then I guess it somehow just got around from friend to friend. More like if someone asked me some kind of question, one of my friends would be the one to answer for me and say, "he's adopted" or something. I never took offense to it and it was never done in a malicious manner by any of my friends. To me and my friends as well, me being adopted was just a fact. It was nothing that would have ever made or broken any of my relationships. As I got older (like college years) and started interacting with more and more people that I haven't known since grade school, I guess I made less and less people aware of me being adopted. It's not like it is a common topic that comes up in regular conversation, even between the best of friends. However, I never remember getting a bad reaction from those that I ended up telling (probably while out getting drunk). My wife (and even before she became my wife) was the most supportive and biggest advocate for me trying to contact my biological family). Most people's first reactions when I've told them I was adopted are "wow" and "how come you never told me?" which is usually followed by "do you know your biological family?" and/or "do you want to find them?". Up until recently, I never did want to find them, so when I told them "no, I don't have any interest", most people couldn't understand... They all would claim that they would want to know. I must also say that I have recently been reunited with my biological family and I have made an effort to tell all of my friends that I knew didn't know of my situation and not one person was nothing but happy for me.

3. I think I answered at least part of this question in number 2, but no one's reaction has ever made me feel bad, while none have made me feel good either. I guess I just look at it as it is their opinion and I know that the no non-adopted person can ever know what it feels like. Plus, no one whether they are adopted or not can know how it feels like to be me. Maybe my answer is a bit skewed because I have never received a negative reaction (at least any that I remember/took offense to/or that really stood out).

4. I am very happy with regard to the decision that was made. I could not have been adopted by a better family or had a better set of parents. I truly wish that I was their blood. That being said, since my reunion, I am having mixed thoughts. I still wouldn't change my life, but I am now wondering whether being given up and being raised by a non-biological family was truly the best for me. There were probably about 5 things that needed to happen or not to happen and if just one of them did or did not happen, I would not have been given up. I believe that either way, I would have grown up to be at least close to what I have become, but now there are just a bunch of what if's going through my mind.

These are pretty tough questions to answer. Not mentally tough like I'm going to have a break down, lol. Tough as in hard to really express my answers/thoughts.

Anyway, hope that my answers help a little.

[Teresa K]

1. What impact has adoptoin had on your life?

Major impact, health wise, financially, mentally, none for the better


2. How did/do people react when you tell them?
Amazed at the horror caused by the "professionals'


3. How does their reaction make you feel?
I prefer not to discuss the situation with people close to me, there is nothing that will make the nightmare end.

4. Are you happy with the decision that was made and why or why not.
Extremely unhappy, the facilitator, family, and lawyers lied and took total advantage of the situation and still do to this day.