[selosmini]

Hi all. I'm hoping there are still some other birth moms (or dads) around this board to talk about this with. My husband and I are planning to TTC sometime next year, and I'm a little nervous about it. I placed my son for adoption seven and a half years ago when he was born. Selo and I have been married for almost two years. I'm looking forward to our future, but I've got mixed feelings about having another baby.

Anybody else dealing with or have dealt with this? Any advice?

[Monster]

Hello

Well cant say im in the same boat but my daughter is 7 now to and i only have a boyfriend i feel we will marry some day and we talk kids, I have baby fever bad now, but yes i can relate to being nervous you know in your heart what to do it will guide you it did the first go round, you seem happy and stable now seems like your only fear is it is to soon well i dont think us bmoms will ever get over that. You are and will make a great mother nothing wrong with starting a new life with your hubby imho.. Either way best of luck to you and hubby

[selosmini]

Thanks Monster. I hope things are as good as you say they will be.

[Janeytwo]

Hey Selosmini,

This is not exactly the same thing (though I am a birthmother also.)

But when my eldest raised daughter was 19 I found out that I was pregnant!! I had given up years before on conceiving a child and then...Wow! Here I am pregnant again! I actually fainted! True story!!! I had been telling myself and friends that I just "had the flu"!! LOL!!

You know what? It was tough - as far as my fears went. I kept wondering if after all those years I would be able to love another child as wholly and completely as I loved my daughter (Plus the residual grief of years from my son and daughter's placement.)

But after my youngest daughter was born, it was like she'd always been there!! I laugh now wondering what I was so afraid of.

It'll be okay sweetie! You can do this!! It might be scary but that's all right; you're simply being human - just like the rest of us! Shoot, how many people walk to the alter terrified and then once they're married, they can't remember what their problem was in the first place!

:-) Hugs to ya! :-)

[selosmini]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

Shoot, how many people walk to the alter terrified and then once they're married, they can't remember what their problem was in the first place!

:-) Hugs to ya! :-)

What an excellent point! I hadn't thought about it that way.

You know, I was nervous about joining this forum because I didn't know how it would be to stir up all those feelings. I was concerned that it would be over powering. But once I did, I'm realizing that I have already dealt with most of it. I think I was forced to deal with it when my son's birth dad had another child. That was a reality check that we are all (me, him, and my son) are going to move on with our lives whether by choice or by time. So it's not nearly as bad as I thought.

[sailorgal76]

i had a hard time after placeing my son , my husband whanted kids but just the ideal made me well everything,but i had a friend tell me that i would be giving up a wonderfull chance to have my own future the futre my son would whant me to have no matter were he was and well thats when i got help i talked to the counsler at the agency i placed at and with there help i was able to work through some of the fear and at least try .and i am so happy i did i had my first son and when i held him it made me relize i made the right choice .so what i tell you is this get some help talk to some one cry like a bandhy or at least i did and try to look to a future with the man u love and if he loves you then he will give you the time till you can be complete to be a mom and if you never are well then he will have to except it because he loves you .good luck and take care.

[taramayrn]

I don't know how I missed this, but hubby and I just had our beautiful baby girl Piper in December, almost 9 years after we placed our first born T for adoption.

[m-mom]

My b-son is 10 and I'm currently 8 months pregnant with my first soon to be raised child. I'm scared but I know i have all this love inside of me for a child that I have never been given the chance to show. It's so much fun actually being able to be excited. Getting to buy clothes and decorate the nursery...things i never experienced.
I would say the hardest part is being asked every single day, "is it your first"
I just say yes. It's not my first pregnancy, but is is my first experience being a mom.

[selosmini]

Originally Posted by m-mom

I would say the hardest part is being asked every single day, "is it your first"
I just say yes. It's not my first pregnancy, but is is my first experience being a mom.

I totally understand the frustration with that question. I have been a stepmom for a few years, so I can't even say it's my first experience as a mom. I think I'm just going to say that it's our (meaning my husband and I) first child together and leave it at that. I would prefer to avoid questions about either of our previous relationships, and keep the focus on our new baby. What do you think?

[dklevy]

I placed my second born 11 years ago. My firstborn is 12 and my now step kids, my 12 year old's half-siblings are 10 & 8. I always said I could never bear to have more after the adoption. I welcomed my step-kids whole heartedly and felt an even bigger void when we lost custody but I still said no more for me. Avoided newborns and everything. But then when it came time to seriously think about daily birth control or sterilization, I broke down. we are now trying to concieve. I am afraid of the emotions that will come up, but in reality what we all feel about our placed children will always be there whether we patent again or not. Most of us made our decisions because of the circumstance we were in NOT because we didn't desperately want our babies. It may be hard, but once circumstances chance, why shouldn't we do what we so wanted to be able to do when we chose adoption? I know I am a good mother and I know that a birthmother who chooses to go through the pain of giving up a child for that child's benefit will also stop at nothing to give her raised children the best as well.

Good luck!!!

[m-mom]

I agree that it is no ones business on the "first" question. Answer however your comfortable. I've ran into a few old friends that have asked, " Dont you already have one?" uugh, its so awkward.

This pregnancy has really opened up alot of dialogue that I am not used to about my son. Just be prepared for all the questions!

[selosmini]

Originally Posted by m-mom

Just be prepared for all the questions!

*gulp* No thank you? I just don't want to talk about him. Honestly, I am sick of hearing the "Oh, that's so noble" or "You must be so strong" stuff. I appreciate it, but I'm done hearing it. I feel like it would be disrespectful to say No, but open the door for a million questions if I say yes. I simply want a way to keep the focus on the child I will be having at that time. lol Picky much, am I?